At a Loss for How to Help

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 16 year old daughter has been diagnosed with BPD.  She cuts herself, has bouts of bulemia, and smokes pot regularly.  We have her in treatment, but she just seems to continue to spiral and cycle through these behaviors.  When we set limits or consequences she cuts and demonstrates even more self harm.  Unchecked she gets high and does poorly in school.  With limits and supports she holds us hostage.  We are desperate for good resources and advice. 

Lee

[Lee R]

My 16 year old daughter has been diagnosed with BPD.  She cuts herself, has bouts of bulemia, and smokes pot regularly.  We have her in treatment, but she just seems to continue to spiral and cycle through these behaviors.  When we set limits or consequences she cuts and demonstrates even more self harm.  Unchecked she gets high and does poorly in school.  With limits and supports she holds us hostage.  We are desperate for good resources and advice. 

Lee

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

  WELCOME LEE R,

     You are in the right place. There are so many parents here who can support you, encourage you and share with you. :-)   Are any of you doing any kind of counseling? What kind of treatment is she in? The behaviors of BPD can often be very scary. Take your time look around this board, go through the lessons. You will find that underneath all the behaviors your child is scared herself. Can you share more about how she holds you hostage? Does that mean demanding. bargaining?
     My daughters teenage years were a living hell, she too inflicted self harm. I can share with you it will get better, it can be manageable. Of course that comes only from great change on our parts as the parents. It is beyond difficult to back up and relearn everything on how to interact with your own child. My daughter is now 35 and I'm raising my grandson, they both live with me. As her parent I felt it was my duty, my heart love to help her also learn how to live a life she didn't choose. Mental illness is tormenting to everyone involved.
     I hope you keep posting, reading other posts, learning. We are all here for each other, that includes you.

[Mutt]

Hi Lee R,



I'd like to join bluek9 and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time. I don't have a child with BPD I have an ex but I'd like to encourage you to share with others, there is a lot of wisdom in the group here, you're not alone. I hope to read more of your posts. Hang in there.