TMD:
When do you expect for things to finally wrap up?
-Speck
Hi Speck,
I have no idea. My STBX left mid-August, filed for divorce the end of August, and we're only now moving towards interim. I had savings and high credit limits on my cards, so I was able to sustain not having money coming in since November. Not now.
My FIL is first and foremost a businessman. He is accustomed to money not people not emotional connections. So what he needed to do first was weaken me, and what better way to weaken me than cut off all money. He emailed me in November saying that he was instructing the CPA to pay all household expenses and it would make my life "easier." Haha.
Right after that email, he informed the CPA not to have any contact with me and not to release any money directly to me.
I have spent the last 11 years taking care of my STBX; he is low-functioning. I haven't been working; I've been living on shared income. So when my FIL informed the CPA not to give me anything, it meant I had absolutely no money coming in. I've since gotten early Social Security and food stamps.
Then my FIL apparently stopped paying any household expenses. I got a disconnect notice on the electric bill. I'm on a well, meaning without electricity, I'd lose my well and have no water. Either FIL thought better of it, or his lawyers advised against it, because the electric bill got paid, and I still have water. Yay for me.
Then I lost my trash service because the bill wasn't paid. I had manure piling up and a garbage bin with two dead squirrels infested with maggots.
Two days ago, my L told me that my FIL (through the Trust) was offering me interim, back dated three months, which will enable me to pay back personal loans and get my credit cards more manageable. "In exchange" for that interim, my FIL asked for my cooperation in getting household bills put in the trust's name.
Even as I write this two days later, I am so frustrated. First, because interim should not be contingent on my doing anything. Interim should be granted because there is an obligation for my STBX not to abandon me financially. (Vice versa. Had he been living on my income, he would have an expectation that I not walk out on him financially.)
The other reason the request that I put household bills in the name of the Trust makes me crazy is that we have three household bills: Electric (in my STBX's name, I can't change it.) Gas, likewise in my STBX's name), and trash. The trash had been in my STBX's name, and now somehow it is in mine. Go figure. So there are NO bills that I can put in the Trust's name, unless they're thinking my internet should be paid by the Trust, and that will be a huge red flag for me because of all I do on the computer. I'm not putting them in charge because they could then access my network.
I am working with my therapist and given all that I'm going through right now, I'm doing pretty well. I am on Xanax, very small dose to help me sleep, and I'm simply trying to keep my emotional strength up, because I've had to fight this hard just for interim.
My L has told me that FIL and the lawyers for FIL and STBX want to get this settled. My question to her was then why in the hell didn't they make interim a bit easier?
She had told me to focus on settlement, and I told her that without having money coming in to pay for meds, food, and all the rest, I couldn't even think straight. That's when she went back to FIL's lawyers, and now I should be getting interim. Soon. At least before the end of next week, which is the court hearing for interim.
Now I also understand that they want a quick settlement before my STBX has to have a competency hearing and get a guardian appointed.
As I said, this is a clusterf***. And I need to stay focused enough to ensure that the settlement is fair to me
Sorry I went on like this. It helps for me to write all this down.
Have a great weekend,
TMD
