Suicide threats

[Kgrafix]

Hello, just writing this is super emotional for me, I have a 21 year old daughter who lives with BPD.  For the last two years she has, on multiple occasions threatened Suicide via a phone call or text message. This has progressively gotten worse and more frequent.  My usual reaction is to drop everything to be with her and make sure she is safe. she did spend some time in the hospital and then a specialized care facility when she was 16 for making a marginal attempt.  There have been no attempts just talk since then.  My concern is I can see how my reaction feeds her need and I read where my response should be to take her to the hospital each time, my concern is won’t she then just not reach out to me when/if it’s for real or she is really fighting the feeling ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Karen21]

Hi Kgrafix
I am so sorry you have been going through this with your daughter, my heart goes out to you I understand completely.  My daughter is 25 and we have had similar things for years now, although she is not so impulsive the last year or so.  I always take time to talk to her, telling her that this feeling will pass, and that you do not need to act on it, just sit with it for a while until it decides to go again.  I try not to panic, just talk, if she has self harmed I say does it need treatment, she will not usually show me, and she always says no so I have to go with that.  She has taken lots of over doses over the years and I do take her to hospital for that.  I do always worry she will not come to me with her problems but I have had to realise she is an adult and I cannot make her BPD go away.  We have to take how they feel seriously but calmly and try to move them on through a bad phase with things to distract them.  My daughter does seem to be handling things much better the older she gets.

Good luck with it all, it sounds like you are a great Mum and she is lucky to have you looking out for her.

Please ask me any other questions if you need to its good to share on here.

Karen21 xx

[Speck]

Welcome, Kgrafix!



Let me join Karen21 in welcoming you here to bpdfamily and wish for you as much help and support as I have received.  It's clear you have a lot in common with many of us here. This is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful.

Thank you for sharing what you have thus far:

My concern is I can see how my reaction feeds her need and I read where my response should be to take her to the hospital each time, my concern is won’t she then just not reach out to me when/if it’s for real or she is really fighting the feeling?

That's a toughie, and I don't know the answer to that. It's sort of an unknowable. One thing that you can do about this is to simply talk with her and insist that she notify you whenever she starts "fighting the feeling." But, I imagine that you've already done that.

It sounds like you have really had a tough time, and I'm sorry for that. It's extremely frustrating to be in a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD. One thing that can really help with allaying some worry is understanding. And, it sounds like you are willing to understand your daughter better, and that is pure love, in my opinion. Luckily, you've found our website which can help you in that regard in spades. When you're ready, do you think that you can start reading the site articles and participate in the Tools and Lessons located in the right panel of this page? The other thing that you'll find here is support for yourself.

I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck

[Kgrafix]

Thank you for your replies,  I like that I have found this site and other people with similar thoughts, issues, confusion, and pains.  Just an FYI, I’m her dad, her mom’s involvement or lack there of, may be a contributing factor in this whole thing.  Again thank you.  I have been and will continue to explore this site and take advantage o all it has to offer.  I’m so encouraged that a site like this exists.

[Speck]

Kgrafix,

We are so glad you're here. This forum/website is a definite lifeline for many people.

Keep writing if it helps.


-Speck