Can't seem to let go, even after 6 months

[crushedagain]

I have neither seen nor talked to her in over 6 months time, and I cannot imagine a scenario where she reaches out to me. While I had a very hard time with her leaving me I never resorted to begging or pleading, I just maintained my composure and let her go quietly, even though at times I was hurting so badly I almost felt like lashing out.

The only contact she ever made was 4 months ago when she sent an email that had no dialogue at all, just a humorous web link. I thought it was odd, that she never even said a word. I never responded.

Fast forward to today and I have resisted all urges to ever contact her. Never once did I pick up the phone in a weak moment and even consider it, though I wanted to so badly. Which brings me to today. I still miss her greatly, and find myself wishing she would contact me. Why, I don't know... .

[JustNeedToTalk]

I am in exactly the same situation.  I pray that he'll reach out to me some days.  I get blocked and unblocked from things all the time.  Despite never reacting once to any of his odd behaviour.  I just keep reminding myself if he wanted to hear from me he would reach out.

I had a couple of nasty emails a couple of months ago, then a half hearted apology that I never replied to.

We can't contact these people.  If we do we are playing into their hands.  I know my exBF would just think I was pathetic and needy if I contacted him.  And TBH those emails a couple of months ago just set me back so much.

Hold your dignity, however hard you find it.

xxxx

[Struggler123]

I am in exactly the same situation.  I pray that he'll reach out to me some days.  I get blocked and unblocked from things all the time.  :)espite never reacting once to any of his odd behaviour.  I just keep reminding myself if he wanted to hear from me he would reach out.

I had a couple of nasty emails a couple of months ago, then a half hearted apology that I never replied to.

We can't contact these people.  If we do we are playing into their hands.  I know my exBF would just think I was pathetic and needy if I contacted him.  And TBH those emails a couple of months ago just set me back so much.

Hold your dignity, however hard you find it.

xxxx

I completely agree, I think that our self respect is inside with us, why would you allow someone to continuously abuse you knowing that they won't change. I understand your at that stage, where you think oh you know its just a few curves, i'll make it work somehow. The truth is theres a reason it didn't work out, and YOU are not responsible for that. The biggest example I can give you is mine, my BPD ex decided she wanted to spend the rest of her life with someone in 4 days. I can't even decide a vacation in 4 days. But point is, there are times when I want to reach out to her, but I gave her my closure, if she tries contacting me again, she won't be able to. I recommend removing her/him from all social media, and focusing on yourself. Remember everyones attracted to someones thats successful. The biggest thing to learn is imagine, you married this person, would you be able to survive? What's worse, feeling miserable for a temporary time or feeling miserable for a lifetime. Not everyone can survive a relationship/marriage with a BPD, consider yourselves a survivor.



Read this guide I wrote.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=324260

You will understand, why I speak the way I do.

[JustNeedToTalk]

The biggest example I can give you is mine, my BPD ex decided she wanted to spend the rest of her life with someone in 4 days. I can't even decide a vacation in 4 days.

Gee Whizz Struggler... .my ex did exactly the same.  In four days in claimed he had met his soulmate (a married woman) and then a week later, while still wanting to be with his soulmate, slept with his ex affair partner (also married).  All this while still being with me.  And even now I wonder what would have happened if I had never caught him.  Then he mirrored my tears and pain and when I wouldn't take him back I was abused so verbally I am still recovered and painted black... .most likely forever.

[Struggler123]

Gee Whizz Struggler... .my ex did exactly the same.  In four days in claimed he had met his soulmate (a married woman) and then a week later, while still wanting to be with his soulmate, slept with his ex affair partner (also married).  All this while still being with me.  And even now I wonder what would have happened if I had never caught him.  Then he mirrored my tears and pain and when I wouldn't take him back I was abused so verbally I am still recovered and painted black... .most likely forever.

You did the right thing, I know at times we think of the what ifs, buts, its my fault etc. But at the end, its survival of the fittest. Sometimes theres things we can’t control, even after everything I don’t blame my ex she was keen on a commitment and im glad the new guy was able to give it to her. At the end of the day, this was just a preview, once your stuck in the movie it never stops. You can give into every demand and they will remind you of the time you messed up. Its a vicious cycle.

[Shawnlam]

Don’t feel bad that you feel this was ,as a normal functioning human being it’s normal to still have love ,feelings,empathy for your ex partners.Its also even more normal to have compassion now knowing why this happened as to in the beginning like everyone else you ,you simply didn’t understand what was going on.I myself didn’t resist the urge to contact her and today I’m trying very hard to make it work.
There are going to be good days and more bad days but I guess I wasn’t at my wits end yet.Hopefully now knowing much more how to speak and act with someone who has BPD ,attempting to establish boundaries etc  time will tell.In a large way everything is in her hands ,if she breaks those boundaries it will be the last time for me and I’ll be right back here with you guys.
To echo what struggles has written , take care of yourselves first like I’m trying to do , it was never our fault and we never caused these issues for our present and past lovers.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey crushedagain, That your feelings continue to surface suggests to me that they remain unprocessed and in what you might describe as a holding pattern.  I suggest that you make an effort to work through your emotions.  How to process?  That's up to you, but you could try: writing in a journal; meeting with a close friend or family member to discuss; seeing a T; practicing mindfulness; sitting with your feelings, just observing without the need to do anything; engaging in something creative (art, music, poetry, etc.).  You get the idea!

LuckyJim