Birthday crisis

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello all,
I wanted to give you a quick update, I’m home, he is driving me to every appointment, not sure if it’s fear or guilt, he hasnt left back to work. I wasn’t able to have a seasion, my right eye doesn’t see much, everything is in double and it’s creating headaches and incongruouincies in my brain. I have not reported him, as I do feel partially responsible for this. I honestly confessed to you all that I was the one who pushed him first, and wanted to “figure things out”. I’m reading your messages to me, it will be a few more days till the surgeon will replace the bandage contact and see the stage of healing. I’m numb from pain, and disappointed with myself

[snowglobe]

Hello all,
I wanted to give you a quick update, I’m home, he is driving me to every appointment, not sure if it’s fear or guilt, he hasnt left back to work. I wasn’t able to have a seasion, my right eye doesn’t see much, everything is in double and it’s creating headaches and incongruouincies in my brain. I have not reported him, as I do feel partially responsible for this. I honestly confessed to you all that I was the one who pushed him first, and wanted to “figure things out”. I’m reading your messages to me, it will be a few more days till the surgeon will replace the bandage contact and see the stage of healing. I’m numb from pain, and disappointed with myself

[DreamGirl]

I'm glad you're getting the attention you need for your injury.

I wasn’t able to have a seasion, my right eye doesn’t see much, everything is in double and it’s creating headaches and incongruouincies in my brain.

Were you able to reschedule? Are you keeping the appointment on Thursday? This is as important for self-care as taking care of your eye.

I honestly confessed to you all that I was the one who pushed him first, and wanted to “figure things out”.

That's OK.

We're here for you.  

[formflier]

wanted to “figure things out”.  

   

This is a good thought.  

Can I challenge you when you are thinking these things through to ask yourself... ."what could I have done better here?" (stay away from bad/good or right or wrong)


Spend most of your effort there, because you control you and when you realize that there was/is a better way... .the energy you put there is very likely to pay off.

I would challenge you to spend some time (much less in comparison to time spent reflecting on what you could do) thinking about what your hubby could have done differently.    No... I'm not doublespeaking here... .I don't want you to "fix" him, but I also don't want you to "let him off the hook".

Yes... .today you went first.  It's likely on other days he went first.  I can't imagine that spending time figuring out "the score" is in anyway helpful.

All of that energy needs to be poured into YOU realizing that this is a turning point for you.  

FF

[formflier]

Snowglobe,

How is your eye?  I've been concerned for you, especially since we haven't heard anything in a bit.

Can you give us an update? 

FF

[snowglobe]

Snowglobe,

How is your eye?  I've been concerned for you, especially since we haven't heard anything in a bit.

Can you give us an update? 

FF

Dear @formflier and all the other members, thank you so much for providing support and validation during my times of need. Here’s recap of the past 2 weeks- my eye is very slowly healing, I’m currently off of medications and have to wait another week all the while lubricating, in order to facilitate healing. Three days post my injury he needed to go away, back to “work” read another city. At that point I was a mess, physically and emotionally broken. I couldn’t drive, I was still pretty shaken up with hurt and disbelief, at both, myself and him. We came to “work”, and he threw himself at work, to distract. I went immediately into Skype therapy and realized that Gistalt type isn’t working for me. I also discovered that some of the symptoms, such as fear of being left by my uBPDh and need to “control” the setuation was driving me further into despair. Comparing to a vibrant young woman a year and a half ago, who still had some issues with uBPDh and a total mess I am today I don’t recognize myself, nor do I like myself. The change has to beggin with healing, and the only way I fundamentally believe I can help myself is through DBT therapy. I’m being vulnerable with you all, it’s a difficult thing to admit, but it looks like some of my actions “mirror” those of my uBPDh. Do I have a full blown BPD- the simple insert is no. Do I have healthy coping tool- the answer is again, no.
So the plan of action is as such at this moment- I enrolled in and paid for Marsha Linehan’s dbt 12 weeks program starting May 29th. It will be a first step at self checking and perhaps helpful for my relationships with uBPDh. I’m also due to go back to university to continue with my psychology degree on the 22nd of May for one course in summer school. Additionally, reached out to recruitment/resume company that will help me build a resume and start looking for a position for September, once my school is done. I can’t express how scary it it for me, it’s been over 11 years since I held a real employment. For these 11 years I have been a bookkeeper, personal assistant, PR, HR, Massauce, cook, cleaning lady, a nurse, therapist, pressional girlfriend all to one person. I’m excited, yet frightened to discover this vibrant and energetic woman I believe I am, the one who perseveres and pushes through. I never had anyone to push through and cheerlead for me, perhaps it’s time.  I intend to go on as many interviews as possible, just to get my feet wet, I don’t want a position out of desperation, as I would have to take should he decide to leave me shortly. This “school setuation” will provide a legitimate buffer for me to start caring for myself. I also want to start a gym program, which I forsaken a while back. My self esteem is deeply rooted at how I look, so restoring the “killer” body would certainly be helpful. Finally, the most important, I want to commit to one year DBT program. I’m currently looking for someone who is trained specifically in DBT, it’s not as easy as I though it would be. Many advertise as, but have limited training. My goal is to secure one before the end of the month to help with with transition.
This involuntary “silent retreat” I’m currently in, have been a very interesting painful experience. For when uBPDh is at work, I’m alone either doing household chores, or shopping, or FaceTiming my children. I’ve realized that many fears and beliefs I have are two sided. One stems from the fear of unknown, or what he would do when I’m away: e.g. forget I exist, as he seems to forgotten about our children, cheat on me, realize that this bachelor lifestyle is exactly what he wanted, make a mistake so irreversible, that I won’t be able to forgive and move past it. And there is another side, my side, I’m frightened of the lonely nights, of parent teacher interview alone, of my friends inviting me, and me showing up alone, at what I might do if someone shows me a little attention and affection, would I be able to resist when he is away?. Of leading two separate lives with two separate goals, of the resentment I harbour when he is away most of the month, only to come home and leave to a shooting range with his friend, of him choosing to allocate his money, or money he earned elsewhere, for example his foo instead of our family or his kids, and so on... .in a world where I don’t exist if I say no, when my opinion isn’t considered, if my only purpose is to wait on him, I can no longer be silent and silenced. No, I don’t have the skills or ability to elevate myself from despair, yet. What I now have is the strongest desire to live a life worthy of living, and being happy and content with what I have.

[formflier]

It appears there is some physical healing going on.  How long is that process predicted to be?


Am I correct in my interpretation that you are stopping you relationship with your current T (that was via skype... correct?)?

Will your DBT program be in person or via electronic delivery?

I'll certainly have more thoughts after you answer the above, but one thing concerns me.

I would recommend that you develop a primarily "in person" (you sitting in an office with a T) relationship, that can sometimes morph into phone calls, texts and emails as your life dictates.

I would also recommend that you find someone that is PhD level and has many years of experience.  A person like that can work with you and use  and shift between different "modalities" of treatment (DBT,CBT... etc etc) without you really knowing it... .not that there is anything particularly wrong with knowing or not knowing.

I hope you will agree that your case is not one for newbies, you need experience and education.

I hope you will agree that it's time to "be open" about going to T and making changes.  Let your hubby react how he will.  

I'll wait on your answers before commenting further.  

Wishing your  a speedy recovery.

FF

[formflier]

This “school setuation” will provide a legitimate buffer for me to start caring for myself. 

This concerns me greatly!     

Because an extension of this thinking is that while I'm not in school I'm not allowed to care for myself.

In addition... .

I can't imagine that DBT therapy would "hurt" your situation or recovery... .yet by the same token I can't imagine that someone with such a recent traumatic physical experience and injury... .who also is not a trained mental health professional is in the best position to sort through figuring out what is the best next step for you to build a healthier life for you and your family.

FF

[snowglobe]

Snowglobe,

How is your eye?  I've been concerned for you, especially since we haven't heard anything in a bit.

Can you give us an update? 

FF

Additionally, I didn’t fully explain in my previous reply, the damage to the cornea was so significant that I now see double in my right eye, and a huge myopia, meaning I can’t see far. Current sight is 20/50! Which means I will require vision correction in a near future. How do I feel about it?. Conflicted. On one hand I take responsibility for pushing him first, on the other hand, what he did to me isn’t a push or even a punch. He used a third object, in my case toothpaste, to intentionally hurt me. It’s a very frightening though, that the person I am supposed to trust would do this to me. From simple observations, it’s only me that he allows himself to yell at, insult, make fun of, put down or raise his voice. As my ExT told me, once he puts his suit on and speaks in a very proper quiet voice, no one will ever suspect what is happening behind the closed doors. When the incident first occurred we made three separate trips to seek help for my eye; first to the walk in clinic, second to nearby optometrist and finally to the Lazik clinic that first corrected my vision 8 years ago. Since then the latest has been handling my setuation and calling decisions regarding the treatment. I was luckily enough, they don’t charge me for the treatment, as my uBPDh paid for the highest package, lifetime guarantee. At every of the three visits the medical specialist asked me how did this damage occur. I knew that if I told the truth, the consequences would be very severe for my uBPDh. So instead, I said that it was an accident, and the bottle with “toothpaste” ricocheted into my eye?. Lame, I know. Yet, the second person who looked at my eye, and insisted on me going to emerge immediately, called me 3 days later. At first I was surprised to hear from her, and through it was just a follow up call, she didn’t charge me for consultation, she said she wasn’t “equipped” to deal with a large trauma like that. However, when she continued on asking me, question after question, and finally telling me that she went into her medical journals and realized that the toothpaste is predominantly ph... .something, don’t know how to explain, she basically called me on my words saying that this kind of damage couldn’t occur simply from a squirt of large tooth paste... .and again, asked me why I didn’t go into emergency. It hit me like a lightning rod, she knew. She saw my uBPDh, she saw my eye, she knew it wasn’t banal accident. The way it basically happened, was he pushed the tube into the open eye, tireburing 40% of the cornea, then he squeezed the paste, successfully burning the open wound. So there I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, listening to her suspicions, and my uBPDh intently and nervously listening to our conversation. At the end, I thanked her for the follow up call, didn’t confirm her suspicions, she asked me to come in and see her when I’m back. I thanked her silently in my head, it’s a rare occasion for someone to show this level of care.

[snowglobe]

This concerns me greatly!     

Because an extension of this thinking is that while I'm not in school I'm not allowed to care for myself.

In addition... .

I can't imagine that DBT therapy would "hurt" your situation or recovery... .yet by the same token I can't imagine that someone with such a recent traumatic physical experience and injury... .who also is not a trained mental health professional is in the best position to sort through figuring out what is the best next step for you to build a healthier life for you and your family.

FF

Thank you for replying, when I mentioned liginimate buffer, I refer to my uBPDh’s interpretation of reality. If I were just to leave right now, he would take it as “rats fleeing the sinking ship”, his business is all sorts of crazy, unstable and unpredictable, so me, serving as his caregiver and validator is expected. If I’m in school, there is some room, in his eyes for me to be back home. It would not be a dramatic exit, more, ok babe, got to get to class so I can be done with the school stuff. Additionally, you are absolutely correct about me finding someone with a lot of experience and expertise, the wait lists are long, and I don’t want to go to a newbie or someone without enough experience to recognize the urgency of the setuation. I don’t fancy myself having any idea of how to transition and heal in a healthiest way possible.
My kids fell ill with a stomach flu on Thursday, shortly after so did both of my parents. Some nasty strain of stomach bug, so once my mom called and told me that everyone is down, my natural reaction was to grab a train and come home to care for my children. As soon as my uBPDh heard the conversation, he started saying: “get the beep out, go, leave, I don’t ever want to see you again. I’m getting sick, but what do you care?. (He was fine in the morning)I’m tired of your wining s$&t, just can you leave?. And never come back?”. So there I was, standing, torn between coming home to help my family, and fear instilled by him, that if I leave, I may not return. Perhaps my parents sensed something, because they called back immediately, instructing me not to come. The virus is highly contentious, and since all of them were sick, it’s best just to ride it out. That it wasn’t critical for me to come back.
His reaction want surprising either, he went back to love bombing, “do you love me, mommy?” And me cooking dinners, washing his clothes, cleaning the condo, washing him after work, giving him medication for “mancold”, massaging him is why he loves me so much. No kidding.

[snowglobe]

@formflier- Rehysical healing, the ophthalmologist can’t give any predictions as of yet. Cornea is closed now, but with large scars going all around it, this blurring out the vision. I have an appointment next Friday, for now it’s wait and heal and see, with the eye drops. Once the cornea is fully healed and isn’t irritated, the eye surgeon will decide on the best type of surgery to correct the remaining. It will be weeks for sure. Because my school and DBT course start in the same week, I plan to come back home to start attending weekly sessions for DBT one on one with a psychologist.

[snowglobe]

It appears there is some physical healing going on.  How long is that process predicted to be?


Am I correct in my interpretation that you are stopping you relationship with your current T (that was via skype... correct?)?

Will your DBT program be in person or via electronic delivery?

I'll certainly have more thoughts after you answer the above, but one thing concerns me.

I would recommend that you develop a primarily "in person" (you sitting in an office with a T) relationship, that can sometimes morph into phone calls, texts and emails as your life dictates.

I would also recommend that you find someone that is PhD level and has many years of experience.  A person like that can work with you and use  and shift between different "modalities" of treatment (DBT,CBT... etc etc) without you really knowing it... .not that there is anything particularly wrong with knowing or not knowing.

I hope you will agree that your case is not one for newbies, you need experience and education.

I hope you will agree that it's time to "be open" about going to T and making changes.  Let your hubby react how he will.  

I'll wait on your answers before commenting further.  

Wishing your  a speedy recovery.

FF

I’m stopping my relationships with a current T for the following reasons: she isn’t trained in DBT, she doesn’t have a doctorate, she thinks the quick fix to all my problems is to leave my uBPDh, she is cheaper for obvious reasons, she works from home, via Skype, but not better, I need one on one, face to face, she isn’t validating, she is projecting her reality onto mine.

[formflier]

  “get the beep out, go, leave, I don’t ever want to see you again. I’m getting sick, but what do you care?. 

So... .how did you train (or perhaps continue to train) your hubby to get you to stay?

What works for him... .and what doesn't work for him (in his eyes).

   

FF

[formflier]

I’m stopping my relationships with a current T for the following reasons: she isn’t trained in DBT, she doesn’t have a doctorate, she thinks the quick fix to all my problems is to leave my uBPDh, she is cheaper for obvious reasons, she works from home, via Skype, but not better, I need one on one, face to face, she isn’t validating, she is projecting her reality onto mine.

So... when you have discussed this with your current T... what are her thoughts?

FF

[formflier]

From simple observations, it’s only me that he allows himself to yell at, insult, make fun of, put down or raise his voice.

   


Who allows this to happen?  I'm not suggesting he has no responsibility here... .not for a moment.  Isn't there someone else involved in the treatment of you as well?

FF

[snowglobe]

So... .how did you train (or perhaps continue to train) your hubby to get you to stay?

What works for him... .and what doesn't work for him (in his eyes).

   

FF

Did I train him to push me away, and me holding on to him for dear life instead?
Works for him for me to be obedient and serving, giving? Doesn’t work for him to take care of me, or anyone for that matter, other then him?

[snowglobe]

So... when you have discussed this with your current T... what are her thoughts?

FF

She isn’t happy that I haven’t given her a chance, and that she is loosing my business. Yet, I can say that since our relationships began, my personal life is in even sadder state that it has been. She is constantly asking me when will I leave him? First, I never definitively stated that I want to leave my relationships, second, emotional, socio economical (pragmatic) reasons, lack of social support are all the things to take into consideration. I am guilty of predominantly black and white thinking, yet, her “leaving the abuser, who will never change” motto is bringing me down, making me depressed and sad.

[snowglobe]

 


Who allows this to happen?  I'm not suggesting he has no responsibility here... .not for a moment.  Isn't there someone else involved in the treatment of you as well?

FF

I have been trained as well as he did. Early on in the relationships his explanation/rational to me was explicitly stated: I yell at you/ punish you -> you take it, because you served it-> we continue relationships
Option 2: I yell/ punish you, because you deserve it in my mind-> you ignore me, or don’t do as I say, fix the relationships-> I leave you

I wanted to be in these relationships more then then anything I ever wanted. I do not see our relationships  ( read I don’t see myself, my reactions, my behaviours) change without skilled and experienced psychologist trained in DBT and necessary tools to tolerate distress and ambiguity that these relationships provide. I have been conditioned to believe that if I don’t play along, there is no value in me, as a partner or a place in these relationships.

[formflier]

Did I train him to push me away, and me holding on to him for dear life instead?
Works for him for me to be obedient and serving, giving? Doesn’t work for him to take care of me, or anyone for that matter, other then him?

I'm concerned you are not "seeing" this.  

He wants you to stay... .he "does his thing"... .you stay.  It works for him.  

This is you "training him to do what works".

He wants you to stay... .he "does his thing"... .you don't stay.  It doesn't work for him.  He is then faced with a choice... .

He will very likely "up the ante" in the short run, by increasing "his thing", if he gets you back or gets you to stay, this "validates the invalid" or validates his way.  you are worse off

If it doesn't work and when he is nice (or at least non abusive) to you... .you give him some attention... .then he is now being trained to get your attention in a different way.

He wants your attention  Repeat... repeat... repeat... .

He has chosen you... and wants your attention.

repeat... repeat repeat...

If this is true, what does this mean for your future (this being he wants your attention)?

FF

[Harley Quinn]

Snowglobe,

I've read your thread and am deeply saddened to hear what you're going through.  Incredibly I also have an eye injury which was a corneal abrasion and know just how painful that was. You had toothpaste added to the mix, which must have been agonising.  I hope that your treatment improves your vision as much as possible.  I have to apply the drops daily for the rest of my life.

It is wonderful that you are making moves to independently improve your life and I applaud you for that.  FF is walking you through how you can make changes with your H and I have a couple of other questions for you.  :)o you feel safe around your husband?  Has he ever been physically violent with your children, or with you in front/within earshot of them?  

Whether you plan to stay or to leave (and nobody here will tell you what to do), what is most important is your safety and that of your kids.  With that in mind, I would encourage you to fill out the MOSAIC risk assessment which will help you to be clear on your current situation.  Would you be prepared to do that and tell us your score?  You don't have to share the score with us if you don't want to, but it would help us to know how safe you are right now.  

It's also advisable that you have a safety plan in place.  Have you ever talked about this with your T?

Love and light x  

[formflier]

Snowglobe,

I'm concerned that you are not "hearing" your T correctly when she says you need to "leave" your hubby.

To all:  I fully understand that bpdfamily doesn't allow "run" messages.  That's not what I'm doing, and I don't believe that your T was telling you that either.

As in... .leave him permanently... .regardless of how he acts after you leave him.

I'm thinking there is a strong possibility your T is advising you to "break the cycle"... .to "stop training him" in how to get you to stay... ."to do something different"


While there is some degree of speculation on my part about what your T is "really" advising you, there is NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER about what I intend to tell you.

I would ask that you reflect this back to me in your own words.

When your husband threatens you about leaving, you need to leave but only if you can "stay gone" until he stops threatening. 

If you leave, his threats increase and you return... .it will be far worse than if you never left

You must have a clear understanding of "intermittent reinforcement"

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=63989.0

So... .from a certain point of view, it is accurate to say that I, FF, am advising you to "leave your husband".  If that's all you said to someone else about FF's advice, you would be missing the most important parts of my advice.

Can you reflect back to me your understanding of my advice and what you learned about "intermittent reinforcement"?

FF

[snowglobe]

I'm concerned you are not "seeing" this.  

He wants you to stay... .he "does his thing"... .you stay.  It works for him.  

This is you "training him to do what works".

He wants you to stay... .he "does his thing"... .you don't stay.  It doesn't work for him.  He is then faced with a choice... .

He will very likely "up the ante" in the short run, by increasing "his thing", if he gets you back or gets you to stay, this "validates the invalid" or validates his way.  you are worse off

If it doesn't work and when he is nice (or at least non abusive) to you... .you give him some attention... .then he is now being trained to get your attention in a different way.

He wants your attention  Repeat... repeat... repeat... .

He has chosen you... and wants your attention.

repeat... repeat repeat...

If this is true, what does this mean for your future (this being he wants your attention)?

FF

Dear @Formflier, you are absolutely correct, about me not seeing it. I will try to explain why. As you mentioned previously, it’s “he then has a choice” that twists my guts a bit. I wholeheartedly don’t believe that the odds will be in my favour. I do admit that this belief stems from low self esteem. My husband just doesn’t work on relationships with anyone, not his children, not his friends, not his foo. If it requires any work, or effort, he tells me that it’s not worth it. Things need to “come naturally”, whatever it means. Actually, I do know what it means... .it means he does what he wants, and on his own accord. All the while people wait for him, call him, ask him to come back. When he decides he is ready, he might consider.
If it’s true, what you are saying, there is a glimpse of hope to change the way he gets my attention in a positive way. I’m just so darn good to please and think of all the small details to make someone comfortable. I almost take pride and pleasure of being the caregiver. You take away that, where does it leave me? My survival and thriving as a child depended on how well I could predict my mom’s hystreonic mood, or how well I could praise my unp dad. Putting me first, listening to my emotions, navigate according to what I believed was right for me was never an option. As an adult woman, I need to learn those self soothing, self caring skills, where mindfulness is a core component. How to withhold social pressure and gaslighting, how to regulate emotions, according to my core believes. I’ve spent 17 years being a very good wingman. My husband almost achieved everything he ever dreamt of. He isn’t anywhere closer to “happiness”, according to him. He is sad, depressed and frustrated. (All according to him). I am exceptionally skilled at regulating his moods, that I give to myself. I am terrible at regulating my own, also true, paradoxically.  If what you observe from my posts is true, it’s another proof of imminent need for therapy for me, to provide me with strong foundation, skills and reality check.
P.s. I’m sorry if my answers are frustrating for you @formflier, I truly don’t see some things that might be obvious for you. Clearifying could really help me to see the other possible scenario

[formflier]

  I am exceptionally skilled at regulating his moods, that I give to myself. I am terrible at regulating my own, also true, paradoxically.  

   


No... .you are not good at regulating his moods. 

FF

[snowglobe]

Snowglobe,

I've read your thread and am deeply saddened to hear what you're going through.  Incredibly I also have an eye injury which was a corneal abrasion and know just how painful that was. You had toothpaste added to the mix, which must have been agonising.  I hope that your treatment improves your vision as much as possible.  I have to apply the drops daily for the rest of my life.

It is wonderful that you are making moves to independently improve your life and I applaud you for that.  FF is walking you through how you can make changes with your H and I have a couple of other questions for you.  :)o you feel safe around your husband?  Has he ever been physically violent with your children, or with you in front/within earshot of them?  

Whether you plan to stay or to leave (and nobody here will tell you what to do), what is most important is your safety and that of your kids.  With that in mind, I would encourage you to fill out the MOSAIC risk assessment which will help you to be clear on your current situation.  Would you be prepared to do that and tell us your score?  You don't have to share the score with us if you don't want to, but it would help us to know how safe you are right now.  

It's also advisable that you have a safety plan in place.  Have you ever talked about this with your T?

Love and light x  

Dear @Harley Quinn,
It was extremly traumatic experience that I haven’t began to process yet. I’m still emotionally numb, and every time I think of it, I have a wave of sadness and victim feeling that is extremely uncomfortable.  The only other time that there has been physical altercations occurred 3 years ago, he shoved me and I slapped him back. He isn’t the kind of person who “jumps” me out of a blue, at least not yet. I do feel relatively safe with him, as long as I don’t struggle or try to “get my way”, according to him, or “my needs met”, according to me. So far I haven’t been told that my vision will fully recover, so I’m being cautiously optimistic. The emotional abuse he has been inflicting is far more agonizing, his taunting, silent treatments, name calling is all part of repertoire. When we “talked” after the incident occurred he accused me of being selfish?. And I agreed. For wanting to come back, for deciding when we come, for asking him to care and participate in family activities and celebrations. All of that makes me selfish in his eyes. I’m not allowed to do any of that. I need to be a team player, as if I haven’t been one. I need to “compromise”, but there isn’t any compromises, as he always has the Final word. Even if and when we decide on things together he reserves a right to call it off. For some reason, my friends have been sharing their observations with me... my uBPDh, according to our mutual friends can’t tolerate me being happy, if he hasn’t given a permission for that. If I’m happy, unburdened and carefree he says “your life is too good, time for reality check”. He then starts to manipulate emotionally, silent treatment, insults, put downs, then threatens to pull away financial support for the kids, then starts saying we need to sell the house, and live in a rental, when rental would cost more then mortgage. He knows all the weak spots, if 9 out of 10 it wouldn’t work, on the 10th when I’m crying and visibly distressed, he changes his tune. Starts Love bombing and tries to elicit caregiving for himself. It’s expected, as I can’t being of any service when I’m emotionally disturbed. And the cycle repeats, he breaks me down because I’m too happy, or don’t pay attention to him, it doesn’t happens immediately, not yet, thank G-d. It shows some resilience and relative mental health. I will take the test, and let you know once I have the results

[Radcliff]

This thread has been locked due to length and continued in a new thread.