Hello Suzin and welcome
My heart really goes out to you because I do know your pain. I have walked in your shoes. The ultimate hurt our BPD'er can inflict on us is to use their children, our precious grandchildren, as pawns.
While I have always been my daughter's target, I have been the one she ran to when the chips were down... .and God knows the chips were down many, many times over the years. It was always my job to filter the news on down to her father who never really took the reins... .but would follow my lead in doing whatever it was that could be done to help her.
So... .all that said... .she idolizes her father and has always worked on pulling him into a triangulation situation (see to the left
|--->under "Tools"... ."Know Good vs Bad Triangulation". Seems this is what your daughter is doing, too.
The only advice I can give you, Suzin, is to play it as cool as you can. Not an easy task when your heart is breaking. The thing is, your daughter is looking for a reaction from you, something to show that her arrow is hitting its mark. Don't add fuel to her fire. Don't take on the sorry role of "victim."
Believe me when I say it took me so long to do that. In retrospect I can see how badly I handled those situations at the time. Eventually a calm period would come but at some point, sooner or later, another episode would erupt.
I so urge you to do your homework here. Read up on all the materials you can. Keep in contact in/on this forum, sharing your experiences... .the ups... .the downs. We are all here for help and in turn, reach out to help others.
Once again, Suzin, welcome! You are not going to be able to change your daughter but you are going to be able to change YOU and she will notice.
Huat
