Anyone been here? Very uncomfortable...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hoping for some guidance.

Went NC for 4 months. Broke it, regretted it. Have moved back into NC mode as best I can. Avoid any and all contact.

See this person at work, and just want them out of my life. I know they have NO ability to provide me any closure. I see them and just want them gone. I hate the energy when I have to be in the same room, and I know that dealing with them in any way, shape, or form will only put me more on edge.

If you've been here, I'd appreciate what you could share.

[steppedinone]

Hoping for some guidance.

Went NC for 4 months. Broke it, regretted it. Have moved back into NC mode as best I can. Avoid any and all contact.

See this person at work, and just want them out of my life. I know they have NO ability to provide me any closure. I see them and just want them gone. I hate the energy when I have to be in the same room, and I know that dealing with them in any way, shape, or form will only put me more on edge.

If you've been here, I'd appreciate what you could share.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi steppedinone,

Sorry to hear you're struggling with this uncomfortable situation.  That's got to be really hard for you. 

I'm afraid I haven't been in the same position so can't give you my direct experience.  I only know how difficult it was for me knowing that my ex was still in the area and that I could bump into him at any time (and did).  I just wanted him to disappear out of my life and to never have the risk of seeing him again. 

Being frank, it sounds like you have some choices to make here.  I'd be inclined to think about what you're prepared to do in order to alter that situation for yourself if it is unlivable. What are the options for you as you see them?

Love and light x

[steppedinone]

HQ,

Most likely going to need to tough it out. I love what I do, and I'll need to find ways to deal with them at a minimum on a professional level. They feel the need to "check in" on a regular basis, more as a need to feel like they still have access to me. I do what I can to make sure our paths cross minimally. We have a number of mutual friends that have no idea what has happened between the two of us, and I don't want that to change.

I'll most likely have the conversation where I request that they only deal with me professionally. They haven't taken well to any boundaries I've attempted to set, so I'm not expecting it to go great. But at the end of it all, what I do is more important.

Thnaks as always for your feedback...

[Harley Quinn]

No truer words ever spoken steppedinone.  We can only control what we do and how we react to others' behaviour.  It is quite possible (if not likely) that what you're experiencing may get worse or some other behaviour could occur after having that conversation, and this is known as an extinction burst, but hold on tight to what you state and it ought to blow over when they see that you are holding firm.  When do you plan to speak to them?

Love and light x

[steppedinone]

Thank you for the kind words as always... .

I'll only speak to them if absolutely necessary. I understand if I don't stay focused it won't end well. Our "relationship" has been them-centered for a long time, and it really came apart when I set boundaries in terms of treatment. It always ends up in them promising things they don't deliver. In terms of work, I'm ok. I'm viewed there very well.

I'm aware that what you mentioned could happen, as my initial fail after 4 months of NC brought about some drama from her, putting me in a very bad place. I won't not see it coming again.

[Harley Quinn]

It's good that you're prepared.  Put extra efforts into your own wellbeing and be sure to keep yourself occupied at that time in ways that her behaviour is less likely to affect you negatively.  We can only safeguard ourselves emotionally and weather the storm in a situation like that.  Sticking to your guns and being visibly consistent at upholding your boundary on yourself will give a clear message, much more than any amount of explanation or attempts to appease.  Best of luck and let us know how things go.

Love and light x

[Cromwell]

Hoping for some guidance.

Went NC for 4 months. Broke it, regretted it. Have moved back into NC mode as best I can. Avoid any and all contact.

See this person at work, and just want them out of my life. I know they have NO ability to provide me any closure. I see them and just want them gone. I hate the energy when I have to be in the same room, and I know that dealing with them in any way, shape, or form will only put me more on edge.

If you've been here, I'd appreciate what you could share.

Hi steppedinone.

My best advice is to get a new job elsewhere.

best wishes

Cromwell