It's complicated

[juju2]

Hi family,

So am 1 yr separated fm 10 yr lived together r/s, dxBPD untreated.  He got better as time went on.  The rages that i had to leave, got fewer and far between... .

We went to couples counseling nov-march, the T personally told me no hope for this r/s, after just 2 meetings w both of us... .at any rate, I asked her to leave her opinion out, if she could.   She said she would.

She suggested we meet weekly on neutral ground for coffee, low key, basically starting from the beginning.  She said we had no basis of friendship, from which we would be able to solve problems.

So that is where we stand, meeting once a week.

He did forget, lost track of time, this last week.  He hasnt done that w me since we separated, he called, asked for me to forgive him.  I forgave him.

Has anyone heard of this working out, starting from ground zero.  Sometimes I don't know what I am doing.

Am getting help for co dependency.  I take my life one day at a time, this community has gotten me thru dark days.  Thank you, j

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Catlady3.14]

That must be so hard for you. And probably him as well.
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.
I am a newbie here so i have no advice. But there's some great people here that have been in our same spots and they have good advice.

[juju2]

Thank you cat.  He did ask again about when our animals can get together, that will be a big step.
I asked if we could talk about it at coffee, so this week, thurs

[pearlsw]

Hi juju2,

Are you two doing things to build a foundation of friendship?

Do you have kids with him? Do you think he'll stay in your life?

take care, pearl.

[juju2]

Hi Pearl,

Right now just baby steps, and him coming over for a visit will be huge.  We did go for a weekend, we had already bought the tickets, in December, that was a big step.it went very well.
I think he will stay in my life.  His daughter said if he was done, I would know it.

We do not have kids together.  We have animals together... .

Thank you for your support, j

[pearlsw]

hi juju,

i see! how does it go with sharing pets?

warmly, pearl.

[juju2]

Not ok.  We split them up, dog to him, cats to me... .

miss my dog.  He misses his cats... .maybe it's a good sign he wants all of the animals to be together... for a visit.  They play... .I think it is... .it's like a place to start.

Thank you Pearl and this community.  I am grateful for the support, j

[pearlsw]

hi juju,

if you have time, can you please tell us about the support you are getting with co-dependency? i'd be interested in your insights on this topic.

sincerely, pearl.

[Catlady3.14]

I understand  feeling lonely. It is hard to have someone full time and then be separate like that. It sounds like it is going well with the baby steps. I'd be interested in your insights on co dependency too juju.
All we can do is baby step it.

[juju2]

Hi,

So I started a new topic  codependency and relationship... .

Thanks!

Appreciate the support,  j