Divorce and coparenting

[bluegardener]

I moved out 6 months ago after she called the police. I filed for divorce that week, after 24 years and 6 children. Spending the night in jail, I realized she would do anything to try to control me. I'm learning that I have fallen into caretaking, appeasing to avoid conflict, low self-esteem and abandoning my own interests and self-care. I'm looking for compassion, affirmation, advice, and a community that gets my pain and confusion. Thanks for letting me share! Glad to be here!

[Panda39]

Hi bluegardener,

  Welcome! 

It sounds like you've been through the wringer   But know you aren't alone, many here have walked in similar shoes. 

How do things stand now?  What do you want to see in terms of your marriage?  How old are your kids?  How are you doing?

Panda39

[Turkish]

How did you end up in jail? Are any of the kids minors and is there a custody order in place?

[bluegardener]

My kids are 3 boys, 22, 21, 17; 3 girls 20 (Down Syndrome and adopted) 14 and 9.

I was arrested when my wife called the police during an argument. She had been escalating her rages recently. When I saw her dialing 911, I took her phone and still had it in my pocket when the police arrived. That's when I found out it is illegal to take someone's phone and interfere with their ability to call for help. Our argument was very childish, like 2 middle-schoolers fighting. She had kicked me and I had given her a wet willie, which was the assault she had claimed. The judge did not issue a restraining order, or any order when I was released the next morning. I filed for divorce within the week and we are observing the standard possession agreement in the state of Texas.

To our children, her family and our friends, she continues to assert that I am entirely to blame for our marriage falling apart, but that she desperately wants me back. This appears to be splitting to me. I have been the private recipient of another couple of rages from her. I believe being divorced is the safest and healthiest way to go for me and my children at this point. I'm learning to give up my caretaking.