Progress and then regression

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Well it seems my daughter lasted three days at her job. Her friend called her yesterday and said that their house got shot up and she was so distraught that she couldn't go to work. She asked me to call her work and say there was a family emergency, which I decided to just once because she's been trying so hard. She kept saying her friend was a girl and she was freaking out because the friend said she would hang out with her last night and then wasn't picking up the phone.

So I talked to her A LOT yesterday and felt pretty good about where we left things. Then she started calling when we were going to sleep so I told her we were going to sleep and wouldn't pick up during the night.

I had several missed calls from her when I got up to let the dogs out at 4:30 this morning and she was calling me again. I didn't pick up but I couldn't go back to sleep so now I'm a zombie. I got a flurry of text messages from her saying that a guy pointed a gun at her last night and the cops wouldn't take her seriously.

My husband called her and found out that 1) the friend is actually a guy that she's been talking to for three days (literally). 2) she didn't actually see a gun in the guys hand, she just saw "something", and she freaked the eff out which is why the cops wouldn't take her seriously. I'm sure she was completely disregulated.

Her friends story doesn't add up at all so my husband told her it probably didn't happen and that also she had worked herself into such a frenzy that she was just seeing guns all over (like a kid who watched a horror movie.)

She also wants to quit the job now because she thinks they will fire her anyway, and people have already started making fun of her for talking way too much. And she was late two out of three days.

I'm trying not to catastrophize but it's hard when regression is that immediate and swift. I'm sure she can get another job but not sure she can actually keep one.

It feels like four steps forward, three back, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Thank you for listening, you all and this board truly are a godsend.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Oh, HB, I am so sorry that your DD has had a back step... .  I can hear the pain and confusion in your post.  I so understand, as it brings back similar painful moments with our BPD21.  As you say, four steps forward, three back... .but hopefully the net result is forward. 

Please keep us posted, HB.  We are here for you all the way.  I hope you and your husband do something for yourselves today.    MM

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Thanks so much MM,

I think I'm most upset because she lied to me about who it was. She had already told me she was talking to the guy so I think she lied because she knew I'd say he was playing her. No one that you've know for three days who is remotely normal calls and test you that, even if it did happen. That is insane. She latched on to it because she wanted a reason to fail at her new job. She had a rough day the day before and so she needed something that wasn't her fault to be the reason she left or got fired. She had an anxiety attack at work and was really embarrassed.

[Daisy123]

Hi HB,
What a big disappointment that must be. The story, the job and then your DD’s explanation of a gun... .hmmm... .

When my DD held her one and only job for about 5 weeks, I was taken back by how quickly chaos moved into her life. All of the sudden she was having friend problems, big arguments, then she swore on of her friends stole her phone and sold it for drugs ( very plausible considering the company she keeps). The boyfriend issues began flaring up again. I thought she was making progress by holding down a job (although I had to drive her there 20 minutes early so she could get the courage up to walk through the door of the restaurant. Like yours and so many of ours out there, anxiety seems to get the very best of them.

I could have sworn there was a huge uptick of drama in her life and I wondered if it was mere coincidence or connected to self sabotage related to her success at having a job.
Like you said, a few steps forward and several steps back... .
I can imagine feeling frustrated at these developments.
I just wanted to sayIm sorry you and your family are going through these BPD ups and downs- they’re so blasted exhausting.
I hope your DD can find a way to handle the anxiety.

I’m glad you got the truth from her and you are both in communication with her.

I’m holding the vision of peace and progress for your DD!

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Daisy, thank you so much for your kind thoughts.

It is exhausting. And I get frustrated with myself because I get so tired and my OCD kicks in and I am very hard on myself.

She didn't bother me yesterday, which was mother's day ( which I dislike) so i was very grateful for that. She gave me a mother's day gift a couple days early which was be very sweet and thoughtful. She crocheted me a mini blanket to take on airplanes when I go on business trips. She is a dear child and I hope she can continue to make progress. She did with the job but she did so very professionally and graciously. I also hope that was somewhat therapeutic for her because she had been fired from several jobs as a stripper; I hope it's like breaking up with a rebound boyfriend and boosts her confidence a bit. She asked me to bring her copies of her resume this weekend so we shall see.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Daisy, thank you so much for your kind thoughts.

It is exhausting. And I get frustrated with myself because I get so tired and my OCD kicks in and I am very hard on myself.

She didn't bother me yesterday, which was mother's day ( which I dislike) so i was very grateful for that. She gave me a mother's day gift a couple days early which was be very sweet and thoughtful. She crocheted me a mini blanket to take on airplanes when I go on business trips. She is a dear child and I hope she can continue to make progress. She did quit the job but she did so very professionally and graciously. I also hope that was somewhat therapeutic for her because she had been fired from several jobs as a stripper; I hope it's like breaking up with a rebound boyfriend and boosts her confidence a bit. She asked me to bring her copies of her resume this weekend so we shall see.