Hi
TimeReborn and welcome
All of us here can relate to the pain you feel. None of us thought this would be the future we would share with the child we love so much. Sadly, the grandkids can sometimes be used as pawns - the greatest hurt when access to them is denied. I do speak from experience.
Has your daughter been officially diagnosed as having BPD? Has she ever been to counselling? Have you ever been to counselling to help you deal with your daughter's BPD behaviours?
You have certainly come to the right place to learn and to feel support from others as you make some changes - changes that have to start with you. See to the right
"Lesson 2: If your current approach is not working - change it"... .a good start. Nobody will tell you that this will be easy but, as you write, your daughter is already 34 and "its not really any easier."
So, hope to hear more from you,
TimeReborn, as your share what is happening in your life with your daughter. For me, I have found it so comforting to put my fingers on the keyboard and pour out my heart, get responses from others... .then know that I have been heard and my feelings validated. That has given me nudges to move forward.
Huat