My 22 year old has BPD, and my husband is the punching bag

[Superwoman1]

I am living a nightmare my 22 year old has BPD i have been sick  with chemo for 9 years and nearly died in july i am doing really well but my child is suffering she doesn't blame me but says i am the reason for her anxiety and depression we have not told her she has BPD but the has every symptom my husband is considered the hero and me the punching bag the is getting therapy 3 times a week which includes dat this makes cancer look like a party

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Hi Superwoman1 and welcome to the parenting forum!  I am so glad you found us and are here, but, oh my gosh, you have so much on your plate - I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought you to us.

I also have a BPD daughter, 21, so I can relate to the black and white thinking that you describe as well as the anxiety and depression.  So caught up in her own emotional turmoil that you end up feeling like a punching bag... .Truly not fair when you should be putting your focus on your own health and recovery.  I am so very sorry.

It is good that your daughter is in therapy.  How is that going, does it seem to be helping? When you say that she hasn't been told that she has BPD, does this mean that she hasn't officially been diagnosed?  When you feel up to it, Superwoman1, please tell us a little more about your situation and what you are dealing with.  Are you and your husband on the same page, supportive of each other, when dealing with your daughter?  Does she live with you?

In the meantime, I will point out the excellent tools and lessons on the right hand side of this page    They should help you begin to better communicate with your daughter as well as learn to better manage your own reactions to her extreme behaviours and words. 

We look forward to hearing more from you, Superwoman1.  You are among friends here - compassionate, caring folks who truly understand the heartache of dealing with a child with BPD behaviours.  You are not alone. 

  MomMae

[Feeling Better]

Hello Superwoman1

I would like to join MomMae in welcoming you here.

My heart goes out to you, having to deal with your BPD daughter as well as your own health is a massive challenge for you. You say that you are living a nightmare, and no wonder, you have been through such a lot with cancer and the chemo, and then the worry and upset over your daughter. If your daughter has treated you anything like the way that my son treated me a few years ago when I was suffering with an illness (nothing as serious as yours), then I do indeed feel truly sorry for you. I never in my life would have thought that my son could be as cold and emotionless towards me as he was during that time, and like you, there was I, worrying more about him than I was about myself.

I am so glad to hear that your daughter is getting therapy, what a positive step that is for her. Please let us know how best we can support you during this very difficult time x