It hit the fan last night

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I posted here with my story once before and it's a great site. Basically for those that didn't read my initial post my significant other of 8 years (not married, thank God) she has BPD with covert narcissist tendencies.

This past weekend she stayed out of state for a night (Saturday night) at a friends house because they were going out for her "birthday". I trusted and believed it. last week she went on and on about how she is going to be honest and always tell me the truth from now on.  The weekend goes good she comes home Sunday and we spend the day together and she's talking about our future together, how much she loves me etc. etc. all this b.s. stroking my ego... .

Come to find out I knew something was off I looked it up yesterday on the girl she is friends with social media and her birthday was in December not May! I was so betrayed. I confronted her on the phone about it she denied it. Saying I'm crazy and a stalker for looking at her birthday and the girl "LIED about her birthday on social media" and it was really in May. And that I need help and I'm stalking her friends. This is the type of sick person I'm dealing with.

She came home from work it was calm for a little bit until I approached her asking her why lie about that and typical she got extremely defensive tried to take our 5 year old daughter and told her son to pack his stuff she is leaving, he said is staying with me and not going anywhere. I didn't allow her to take my daughter. I put her in the room with my my 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship (who I have custody of) and my significant others son who is 15 from a previous relationship I was eventually was able to lock the door right after  she attacked me and bit me even slapped me in front of the kids and her son restrained her while he was yelling to call the cops on her. She left into the driveway. She came back in to try to get our daughter one more time I again had the door locked and she was screaming in the house like a raging lunatic breaking things.

She then goes into the driveway and proceeded to call the police. They come ask me what happened I showed them the bite mark.  I told them I caught her in a lie and confronted her and she became physical. They asked if I wanted her locked up and I said NO! I can't believe I did that. They asked if I wanted a restraining order and I said no.  Before they left they even told me they could lock us both up too for domestic fighting in front of the kids which is a crime in my state. They heard my story out and spoke to her son also and he told them what happened. The cops told her to leave the house for a few hours or try to find somewhere to stay for the night but they couldn't force her to leave for the night but she had to leave for a few hours minumum. They said the kids could stay with me for the night but she had to go at that moment. She left and came back in the middle of the night.

The kids were shaken up but good. The cops wrote me a report stating that I had visible marks on me and she attacked me and I chose not to press charges.

The thing is her son wants to live with me. He even had his biological father call me last night and ask if he can stay with me. I want custody of our 5 year old daughter.

I want her out of my life. I'm scared. I'm scared she will try to take my daughter. Or even go to extreme measures to lie and get me arrested she knows her own son doesn't even want to live with her and rather live with me which makes her irate. She text me last night he will regret that decision betraying her and picking me.  I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of going to family court but I want a good lawyer. THe thing is I'm financially just getting by right now but my family just sold some real estate that I will be inheriting over $100,000 on next month and will be able to afford a really good lawyer once that happens in June.

What is your advice I do? Wait until next month and get a good lawyer and proceed? how could I possibly live with this monster another month? Any advice is much appreciated!

[brighterdays83]

I posted here with my story once before and it's a great site. Basically for those that didn't read my initial post my significant other of 8 years (not married, thank God) she has BPD with covert narcissist tendencies.

This past weekend she stayed out of state for a night (Saturday night) at a friends house because they were going out for her "birthday". I trusted and believed it. last week she went on and on about how she is going to be honest and always tell me the truth from now on.  The weekend goes good she comes home Sunday and we spend the day together and she's talking about our future together, how much she loves me etc. etc. all this b.s. stroking my ego... .

Come to find out I knew something was off I looked it up yesterday on the girl she is friends with social media and her birthday was in December not May! I was so betrayed. I confronted her on the phone about it she denied it. Saying I'm crazy and a stalker for looking at her birthday and the girl "LIED about her birthday on social media" and it was really in May. And that I need help and I'm stalking her friends. This is the type of sick person I'm dealing with.

She came home from work it was calm for a little bit until I approached her asking her why lie about that and typical she got extremely defensive tried to take our 5 year old daughter and told her son to pack his stuff she is leaving, he said is staying with me and not going anywhere. I didn't allow her to take my daughter. I put her in the room with my my 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship (who I have custody of) and my significant others son who is 15 from a previous relationship I was eventually was able to lock the door right after  she attacked me and bit me even slapped me in front of the kids and her son restrained her while he was yelling to call the cops on her. She left into the driveway. She came back in to try to get our daughter one more time I again had the door locked and she was screaming in the house like a raging lunatic breaking things.

She then goes into the driveway and proceeded to call the police. They come ask me what happened I showed them the bite mark.  I told them I caught her in a lie and confronted her and she became physical. They asked if I wanted her locked up and I said NO! I can't believe I did that. They asked if I wanted a restraining order and I said no.  Before they left they even told me they could lock us both up too for domestic fighting in front of the kids which is a crime in my state. They heard my story out and spoke to her son also and he told them what happened. The cops told her to leave the house for a few hours or try to find somewhere to stay for the night but they couldn't force her to leave for the night but she had to leave for a few hours minumum. They said the kids could stay with me for the night but she had to go at that moment. She left and came back in the middle of the night.

The kids were shaken up but good. The cops wrote me a report stating that I had visible marks on me and she attacked me and I chose not to press charges.

The thing is her son wants to live with me. He even had his biological father call me last night and ask if he can stay with me. I want custody of our 5 year old daughter.

I want her out of my life. I'm scared. I'm scared she will try to take my daughter. Or even go to extreme measures to lie and get me arrested she knows her own son doesn't even want to live with her and rather live with me which makes her irate. She text me last night he will regret that decision betraying her and picking me.  I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of going to family court but I want a good lawyer. THe thing is I'm financially just getting by right now but my family just sold some real estate that I will be inheriting over $100,000 on next month and will be able to afford a really good lawyer once that happens in June.

What is your advice I do? Wait until next month and get a good lawyer and proceed? how could I possibly live with this monster another month? Any advice is much appreciated!

[PeteWitsend]

hey brighterdays,

You're better off asking legal questions under the "family law... ." section here.

But FWIW you need to keep all this information - police report, text messages, threats - anything in writing - in a safe place where she can't get to them.

You need to document on your own these incidents, and anything else that might be troubling in a journal (also keep this away from her). 

I would look up lawyers in your area and talk to some NOW as well, and learn about some of your rights, particulalry with regard to custody.  Also get an idea of how it will progress, and ball park figures as to what it might cost.

I would not mention your potential inheritance to anyone - even potential lawyers,  until you've signed a formal engagement letter with them. 

If you have another violent incident, I would file for a restraining order, period.  an attorney might still advise you to do this. 

Don't sit on your rights; you can lose them.  The argument that you were concerned for your safety and that of your kids loses steam if, for example, you let her move back in and don't file for 2 more weeks.

[gjkopriv]

They will make up any story they can if they think it will smooth things over or buy them some  time to figure another way to get us hooked... .
The relationship I was in was about to end around Christmas time 2016, and she gave me the news that her father died, and that's why she's been so distant and acting weird, because supposedly her father abused her growing up and she wasn't sure how to handle his death... .Anyways I felt bad and took her back for a short time because I wanted to be there for her... .actually took a day off of work to goto this little gathering they were having for the funeral. when I was ready to leave my house to go meet her, she called me and said she was not going to go that it was too hard for her... .Anyways, we didn't make it much longer after that... .and fast forward to last August when I get a text from my friend to check the obituaries and 8 months after the fact, her dad passed away... .it takes a sick person to lie about that stuff.
Of course when I got the Merry Christmas text months later, I had to call her out on it... .and she played it off as it was a fake obituary to get donations... .

it still bothers me to this day that I was that dumb to stick by her for a year and think she was going to turn it around... .only sick sick people would lie about a fathers death... .