I am exhausted: I try to assert myself but often back down

[Greenery]

I am in a marriage that has had struggles. About 2 years ago my husband began working on the road and is gone 5 days a week. After a few months of this I was amazed at how much better I began to feel about myself, and I realized there was a problem more serious than I had thought for me to feel so different when he is gone. I used a lot of googling and I just read Stop Walking on Eggshells. I identified with many parts of it, so I clicked tbe link and came here. I am nervous because I have never done something like this.
I want to try some of things I read about in the book because I really am exhausted. I end most weekends when he is home mentally exhausted and spend the week getting better, just to do it all over again. I saw myself in many of the non bp parts, I try to assert myself and I often back down instead, end up feeling guilty and at fault. I also avoid speaking out sometimes because I do not like to argue. I have attempted to set boundaries on some things and it has not worked so far, but I also am not consist and I see now from reading the book that I need to be.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lighthouse9]

Hey Greenery 

Welcome to the boards. We're glad you found us, but sorry for the circumstances that lead you hear. Eggshells is a book a ton of us have read and there's so much to digest in it that can be helpful.

You've identified so many things that you're learning already from the book, which is great. Some of the skills you're naming take time to learn and I want to encourage you to be gentle with yourself while you learn them. The menu bar on the right has a bunch of tools, too, that we encourage people to consider, especially if your goal is to stay in a relationship with a pwBPD (person w/BPD).

I hear you saying you're exhausted. A lot of us have been there. What are your weekends like with him? Would you feel comfortable telling us a bit more?

[pearlsw]

Hi Greenery,

Let me join lighthouse9 in welcoming you!

I can hear your pain and exhaustion. I too feel relief when my SO is away. I need the downtime to recharge from him - he pulls a lot of energy from me. It feels sometimes like I exist just to meet his needs, and I definitely don't want that.

I know how hard it is when someone barrels over us and we start to just give on in parts of our lives where we really need to maintain firm boundaries for the sake of our mental health and dignity.

Can you tell us more about what is happening? What kinds of things are making the relationship so difficult?

warmly, pearl.