Hello: I thought it was my fault...now I have hope.

[Cloudville]

I am not sure how this works just yet, I'm new here. I was so relieved to find this group and the books. I honestly thought it was my fault and that we can't work through this but now i have hope. Just finding out what it was and there is something I can do made me feel better. I don't know where to start though.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Cloudville,



So it is your romantic partner who you suspect or know has BPD or BPD traits?

What kinds of symptoms or issues are you experiencing in the relationship?

If you spend time here it can most certainly help you feel better!

take care, pearl.

[Cloudville]

Oh boy, this is a super long story. I met my husband about 5 1/2 years ago he was amazing, sweet and kind. about 2 years into our relationship we started to argue about random things, who left the light on, why is this sitting here and so on, it got worse from there, things i didn't even know about were my fault somehow. every time he talks to me he is yelling now. he had a horrible childhood. One not many people would make it through. his parents divorce when he was 10 he chose to go with his father. he was repeatedly abandoned by him, literally.  he was left in a tractor trailer at a gas station once with no food or money. He is what they refer to as a High functioning BPD and a Narcissist. He expects me to handle everything for him, and i mean everything. I work full time and am on call, he works as well with a union as a heavy equipment operator. I pay all the bills, do all the cooking and cleaning. he makes the house payment and that's it. I recently had foot surgery on both feet but one at a time so I couldn't do everything and that sparked a huge fight. He told me to get out so i made arrangements then he asked me if i was going to work it out with him. every hour is a guessing game on what mood he is in. I tried to talk to him several times about how he makes me feel but he says its all my fault and i need to change. I am mentally, emotionally and physically drained. I love him with all my heart but I don't think he was ever taught how to be in a relationship. he has managed to push my family away and we have no friends. his Father recently passed from lung cancer and I know that hurt him too. He has to be suffering and I want to help him so we can be happy or at least just be calmer. he refuses to see a Dr or therapist, he doesn't have a problem. and he wont take medication of any sort, not even for his ADHD. How can you approach someone to get help when they are like this? I am afraid to even talk to him about it.