I fear that she will be homeless or endangered if she doesn't have my support

[Parents! Get help here!]

My daughter is 46 years old. She was diagnosed as BPD as a teenager. She had residential treatment for several years. Once she was released, she became an alcoholic and crystal meth user. She ended up writing bad checks, running away, having many children who became wards of the state, and serving time in prison. She was able to eventually get herself off of meth, and she tried to establish relationships with the family. Her father and I are divorced.
Many years later she continues to exhibit tremendous rage, alcoholism, manipulation and lying. She won't hold down a job. She has trouble keeping friends. And her marriage broke up due to her drinking and rage (according to her husband).
Throughout all of this, I have tried to be there for her, providing a safe place to live and showing her that I love her no matter what.  Now I am feeling exhausted and taken advantage of. She quit her most recent full time job and is only working 18 hours a week, while I am working a full time schedule as a teacher.
I have set a few boundaries that she continues to cross. And I am at my wit's end. I can't fathom a life of continued rage and lies as a move into retirement. Yet, I fear that she will be homeless and/or physically endangered if she doesn't have my support. That frightens more than her rage. I feel guilty for wanting my own freedom.
 

[zesho]

My daughter is 46 years old. She was diagnosed as BPD as a teenager. She had residential treatment for several years. Once she was released, she became an alcoholic and crystal meth user. She ended up writing bad checks, running away, having many children who became wards of the state, and serving time in prison. She was able to eventually get herself off of meth, and she tried to establish relationships with the family. Her father and I are divorced.
Many years later she continues to exhibit tremendous rage, alcoholism, manipulation and lying. She won't hold down a job. She has trouble keeping friends. And her marriage broke up due to her drinking and rage (according to her husband).
Throughout all of this, I have tried to be there for her, providing a safe place to live and showing her that I love her no matter what.  Now I am feeling exhausted and taken advantage of. She quit her most recent full time job and is only working 18 hours a week, while I am working a full time schedule as a teacher.
I have set a few boundaries that she continues to cross. And I am at my wit's end. I can't fathom a life of continued rage and lies as a move into retirement. Yet, I fear that she will be homeless and/or physically endangered if she doesn't have my support. That frightens more than her rage. I feel guilty for wanting my own freedom.
 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello zesho, 


You certainly have had your share of problems with your daughter and my heart goes out to you, no wonder you are feeling exhausted.

You have done your very best for her and no parent can do any more than their best, but what about you? I fully understand that you want your freedom and you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting that, easier said than done I know but you need to start putting yourself first, you won’t be able to help your daughter at all if you don’t look after yourself.

You will find some of the tools here very useful, which can be found on the right 

You are already putting boundaries in place which is great, now you need to look at better ways of communicating with your daughter and this is where the tools will help you.

Engage with other members here by reading their posts and replying to them, you will find that it really does help. I look forward to hearing more from you x 

[Merlot]

Hi Zesho

I also welcome you to the bpdfamily along with Feeling Better. 

You really have been through so much and no doubt you are incredibly strong in the face of adversity.  I understand that feeling of exhaustion and certainly the feeling of parental responsibility for ensuring bad things don't happen to our children.  However, your daughter is an adult and needs to be accountable and responsible for her choices and decisions.  It's so easy for us to step in and rescue, as parents we seem to naturally do this, unfortunately, the result is perpetuating behaviours which then impact us, leading to so much resentment and guilt for feeling that way.

Along with guidance from Feeling Better, I have read Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder and it was very uplifting for me.

I certainly agree that your retirement should be as happy and as comfortable for you as possible and in this regard it will be important for you to have a plan in place to take care of you. 

I encourage you to share your journey and experiences here with other members, I have learned so much from many parents here.

look forward to hearing from you.

Merlot