Need help-new to this world, uncovered a truly disturbing web of lies

[slimysnail]

Hi - my teenaged son was released from an inpatient behavioral health center last week after a week+ stay due to suicide threats. While in the hospital, we uncovered a truly disturbing web of lies (about sexual assault, etc) he's been telling his friends, and his treatment team ended up saying they suspect he has "personality quirks" - they won't say "disorder" because he's a minor - and referring him to a DBT IOP group, which he's been to once so far.

I'm mostly just terrified. His dad and I read up on personality disorders and think that borderline is a likely fit, if he were to be diagnosed now, which we understand he won't be due to his age.

I'm not only concerned about his safety and health, but also about the ongoing behavioral issues - lying about EVERYTHING from "yes, I brushed my teeth" to "I was gang raped last month" to "I'm having hallucinations" - which he spent two days trying to convince his treatment team of, in the hospital.

He doesn't even have an intake appointment for individual counseling for another two weeks. I'm sort of just sitting around watching him and waiting for someone to tell me what to do.

His IOP group has a family component, so for an hour tonight maybe I will get some good information? Does anyone else have great ideas?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi slimysnail,



I’d like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sooty for the circumstances that led you hear it must be heartbreaking when he’s in the hospital or telling you things like he was gang raped. As you probably already know that we can’t diagnose him but what we can look at are BPD traits.

I suggest to read as much as you can about the disorder you’ll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. You’ll see that you feit right in here, you’re not alone. Members that are in similar situations as you can give you guidance and support.

How did you find the family component?

[slimysnail]

Thank you! I will be reading up for sure.

The family therapy tonight was surprisingly great. Mostly it was an hour of hearing other people's stories about their kids - similar stories to mine from the parents of the kids in the DBT group. Lots of extreme lies, inappropriate social media usage, attempts to seek social status by one-upping each other in every way, etc. At least I'm not alone!

Then my son admitted he had told some lies to his group members tonight, which was actually really great for a few reasons: 1) he offered that information up without me asking; 2) he claims that after he realized he was lying he stopped talking and waited for someone to change the topic; 3) he was open to a conversation about why he had lied - in this case, he started telling a true story about his former football team and then it became untrue somewhere along the line in an attempt to impress by exaggeration; and 4) the lie was during a break between actual sessions, so while generally BSing around, not in actual group.

[hangingon]

Hello,

Welcome to the forum. You will find lots of support, tools and helpful information here. 

I felt compelled to reply because I completely understand "extreme lying".  My DD has a significant problem with her extreme lies, so much that it is hard for me to truly know what is the truth, partial truth (exaggeration), or a complete fabrication. I struggle with acceptance of that, and how to discuss it with her.  I have also witnessed how the exaggerated lies can destroy her relationships with friends and family.  So I identify with you on this. It makes it very challenging as parents, especially with communication. 

On a positive note, I find it promising that your son realized that he was lying/exaggerating and actually stopped. That says alot about his thought process.  Like you I would play that up and praise him for owning up to the lying and taking action (stopped talking).

Keep posting here, you will receive more replies, support and guidance from parents who truly understand.

[slimysnail]

Thank you! He finally will start individual therapy soon and I am hopeful that will go smoothly.