Opening up again after a maniac episode of hurt

[Agata18]

Hi guys,
I’m really new in this space.
We have being married for 12 years.
Last couple of years became very hard as my husbend had bad deprecion. He was very disconnected from me and children always emotionally. I could never understand it. Last year he died for ten minutes. I recisitated him for five min till ambulance arrived. He survived with not visible chances to his brain. He became open emotionally but also his mood became even more unpredictable. One day he was in love with me and then another not so sure. Few weeks after the acsident he announced he doesn’t want to be with me anymore... .few hours after he came back saying that this never happen etc. He did this few times in a space of couple of months.
Then he became super in love with me and very active sexually. His need for sex was intensified.
He became very needy and started feeling very insecure. Started taking away my phone and on one ovation blocked my computer from me. He was also waking me up at night accusing me of doing stuff I wasn’t doing. He kept waking me up every night for at least 5 days.
It ended up that I suggested we go and get psychological assessment.
At that time he believed I had some psychological issues not him. I had to say I’ll see the doctor too.
As resoult of it he was taken to mental hospital and after two weeks there was no diagnosis.
He came home after the hospital.
E was calm for start and things were calm. And that was so great. His trust for me but is even more fragile as he thinks he ended up in there because of me.

Every little criticism on my side towards him is taken with big difence and he removes himself from me. Saying all the time that this is that I’m destroying us. That I want to be a lonely single nun with3 kids etc.
when we try and connect I’m struggling with having sex with him. I fear that he going to get back to being obsessed. I can’t feel the connection. I have a big block inside and can’t seam to open myself again for him.
I would like him to acnowlage the hurt he coursed us all. He said he did say sorry.

I’m sorry to trouble you guys with my story. I just wonder how do you open up to your partner and love him after terrible almost battlefiled you just went through?

I do t want to divorce. I’ve moved countries for him... continents in facts and we have 3 children. I can’t do 50/50parenting;((

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[pearlsw]

Hi Agata,



I don't have any kids, but I did move to another country to be with someone... .I know how big and hard a life decision that is to contemplate reversing.

You mean he is obsessive about sex with you? Do you think is about an emotional connection he needs? Self-soothing? Something else? Sex has been an unhappy issue for me as well with my SO. It is not easy, but maybe in time as you understand him better things could change, but it definitely takes effort, and a lot of the effort, you may notice if you read around this site a lot, will be from your side... .Nevertheless, it can make a difference!

Do you feel hatred for him? Feel disgusted or turned off by him? How far away are you from being able to have sex with him again?

with compassion, pearl.

[Agata18]

Thank you Pearl for your message.
I really don’t know what it is that I’m afraid off. I think I’m worry that it is going to get out of control again.
We had very good sex life till it became maniac. All he wanted to do with me is this.
Now things are better and not so maniac. It’s still hard to connect with each other. I guess me not wanting to have sex with him separates us even more.

Thank you for your care and reply!
A