so you gave her space (left her alone) and she cooled down.

careful.

did you block her? what do you want to do?

i wouldnt respond to the part about whether or not you blocked her.


its possible. that was already the case. it may also be that she remembers the cool, confident CryWolf who stopped chasing.

how about a simple "whats up?"? she wants to talk. why? who knows! let her lead. it doesnt have to be more than that.

WIll update you guys when I can. Currently at work. And I’m pretty much gonna go to her house later. She is making dinner  she told me about how she’s scared and someone broke into her place and stole everything and how she feels likes being watched. Idk what I’m getting myself into, and not sure if this is her way of charming since her ex left or idk. I didn’t bring up “where’s your ex”. So idk.

so, she left you and blocked you everywhere and now when she is in trouble and afraid she reaches out to you... .

the "you blocked me" message is typical, she already projected the blame onto you to lift all the weight from her shoulders


when someone reaches out to you only after they are in big need for something it doesn't mean anything deep, this goes for friendships also... .I know you're emotions are pushing you towards her, but I would expect another abandonment sooner or later. so, be very careful, don't expect too much so you won't be devastated if something goes wrong again.

It's more natural when someone contacts you with emotions rather when something starts to get wrong in their lives, but that's just my opinion

Pay attention to her the girl thiat you’re fond of and keep working on detaching with your ex. I agree with gilac she was like a damsel in distress and you’re rushing in there like a white knight be aware of that.

If you want my sole opinion ,move on from her she’s not worth your time bro.Why would you want someone who flakes like that back in your life ? It’s clear she’s not over her ex and even if she says she is you can’t take someone like that seriously in anyway?

Hey everyone! I'm honestly shocked with all the support and responses you guys have given me!

I completely agree with all of you and I don't even know where she stands with her ex, but I do know she has drama/trouble surrounding her. And I am not trying to be a white knight for her either.

Let me update you guys on what has happened since the night I saw her.

I went over to her house. She made me a grand dinner (steak) after I told her how I was hungry after work and she should cook for me. and she ran to the grocery store and surprised me. No im not using her, just in a sense testing her?

She was cooking, while i was watching the game, then out of nowhere she hugged me. a long hug.

Then she started telling me how her place got robbed. Etc. Then if I remember correctly I think I caught her in a lie. She kept mentioning the "sugar daddy (SD)" and how she took him to airport and came back and ehr belongings were gone.

But I noticed a pattern, she never mentioned the ex. And I remember her saying how he had a key, hes crazy, and there was no forced entry inside. (i watch a lot of detective shows ). She told me "oh he wouldnt do that"' and then I asked why didnt u just invite him instead of me? she said "i took him to airport" and so i ask, i thought you took the SD? andshe said no. And then things didnt make sense. I wonder if she was splitting or just caught lying. But, I asked "so both guys went to airport same night to two diff places?" and she said yea, "one went here and the other there. " I didnt believe that . My exBPD did something similar before when we met, and lied about two diff guys when both were her ex. So I can notice the bull___ much better now. I also suspect she may be lying about the ex ever coming back? idk.

Also, you guys may say "i shouldnt have said this or that" as you read on, but at the it occured I didnt care of the outcome with this girl because I knew it wouldnt get far. And she would dissapear again.

Continuing on, after she told me both guys arent here, I asked her "so why am I here?" and she said "because i feel unsafe and I miss you. I didnt know if you would have picked up honestly. I thought you hated me, and would have blocked me". I said "you sure youre not just lonely since no one is here?" she said how she missed me, etc. I forgot tbh what she said. I honestly havent been listening attentatively to her because i just feel like everyting was bs she was saying.

I was silent, and not giving her 100% attention. Playing with her dog and watching the nba finals.

We ate, then decided to go to the city for a bit. We both smoked a little (made us less tense) and more talkitive.  I just made her laugh all night. Then on the way back, we talked. I dont remember how things got brought up, but she opened up about everything. But I still dont trust her.

She told me how her ex and her arent together, just good terms. which means no fighting. She told me how I didnt do anything wrong, and she got scared because I was doing everything right. She told me, I was doing everything right she wanted in a guy that she became scared and had to leave. She said how things were moving so quick, and everything felt so good. How i was coming off strong, doing everything right, not being crazy or possessive, etc. and how she was coming off strong and she couldnt handle it. She told me she panicked, and had to block me. ( i call BULL POOP) HERE.

She also said, how she realized she didnt want to lose someone like me. How she doesnt trust anyone and with me she could be herself and share anything and everything with. How she doesnt feel insecure or scared with me and I bring the best out of her. She said, she wants to keep me. and then she said "i dont mean keep, because thats possesive" and i joked and said "its okay, i know im a keeper" and made her laugh. (just wanted to include that little smooth tidbit right there for you guys )

I asked, "then why did u have to choose ur ex if you felt all these things?" and she said "i dont know. "  Then I wondered, I remember her going on her phone and showing me pics, and there were a bunch of pics with the SD since me and her last spoke. and then apparently the SD doesnt like her seeing other guys. and the night she broke things off with me was when she met the SD. soo, idk. but I think the SD plays a factor here. And I dont want a r/s with someone who has a SD. Im not okay with it.

Anyways, back to what happened. She asked me, " did you think about me?" i said, "for a few days but I got over it" and she asked " when was the last time I was on your mind?" I said, "i dont rembemer, maybe last week?"

she told me how i was always on her mind. how little things would remind her of me. how she wanted to text but didnt know how id respond and how i hated her.

she asked if i missed her, and i told her "for a day or two, but i was more confused on what happened. i wondered if i did anything wrong"

she said "you didnt do anything wrong, u did everything right and i got scared. and i know its not right"

later she grabbed my hand. usually i do the hand grabbing or initiating contact.

later we got in bed, and i asked "so how is possible if u missed me so much but before you were barely affectionate and i would go for ur hand or initiate contact?"

She said how she was afraid of not moving too fast and wanted things to go slow before.

we talked about random things and joked. i called her a damsel and she laughed.

then later things lead to another and we had some activities occur.  

left in the morning, then later in the day we texted. then facetimed last night and fell asleep.

somewhere during the night, i said something along the lines of "i wouldnt be surprised if we stop talking after the weekend"
and she said how she felt hurt, and i asked "how do u think i felt?" i forgot what was said after that but things went good.

I know she could leave any minute. I am doing everything i can not to get invested or sucked in. I just want fun right now. some of her actions remind me a lot of my BPD ex. I'm not expecting a r/s with this girl, but i guess just fun in the time being. And i dont want to be with someone who has other guys in the picture.

Thank you all for keeping me level headed, I need it. Have fun dissecting/reading this  

ps: i have date with other girl tuesday

Yes a lot of red flags I see and I am cautious of everything. I hate the idea of her having a SD. She told me she liked me yesterday morning.

If she wants to be with me. A lot of damage control she has to do to gain my trust. We both like each other, but things aren’t right at the moment with external forces. I don’t think I fully want to commit with anyone either. Dating is cool. I want to just be the best I can be honestly. I like this girl but like all of you guys have stated, be cautious. And i don’t want to be cautious.

Are people are saying "get into a relationship and be cautious". Or are they are saying use caution in making a decision to continue... .or, in other words, this is trouble and it would be wise to stay out, but we don't want to tell you what to do... .


What can she possibly say or do to convince you that she is not who she has shown you to be?

She jumped in with you, before ending the last relationship, then set you aside (sorta) to go back to him, now she is back with you (likely he is in the "sorta box" now... .and there is always the other guy.  This is not a person to mess with... .

And lets look at you. You are still missing your ex.

If this is just casual FWB stuff, maybe, but is that who you are? It doesn't sound like it.

It will help to write down and share this... .what advice would you give me if I was in your situation... .who do you wish this person was that she is not?

Back to her BS. She been distant again after opening up for 3 days and all that crap telling me how much she likes me, and she's sorry for hurting me. how she wants us to be serious and take it slow and all that.  Of course I didnt believe it, but a part of me wanted to. A part of me had hopes she was telling the truth and being honest. Im not sad, im just disappointed i guess. I even told her the first night, "we're probably not gonna see each other after the weekend and I wouldnt be suprised" and she went on and told me we will and she will do her best, etc.

She's leaving the country in a day and I wanted to see her.

me:
   Am i gonna see you before you leave the country?
her:
   I don’t think so
me:
   Alright
her:
   U upset ?
me:
   Does it matter?
her:
   Well I guess not
me:
   Yea I’m upset.
her:
   Why
me:
   You told me how much you like me, how you’re scared of getting hurt and I been trynna show you I’m different and that I like you too. I been 100. I need the same from you. But ever since your boy came back, we went back on that bulls--t from before. Where you only talk to me when no one is around.
   If you don’t wanna get serious down  the road then lmk, so I know what we’re doing.


I hate to say it, but you all were right.

@skip

You hit the nail on the coffin. I tried to go about being fine and over my exBPd. And I honestly though I did. The anxiety and thoughts about her stopped. I enjoyed dating new girls and meeting new people. This girl came back and left again. And the past few days, my longing for my exBPD has came back.

Last night, I was on a date with a new girl (J). I’m gonna take this one slow as heck, and keep it casual. After the date, I went to this bubble tea place my ex and I would frequent. I hoped to see her there. I didn’t, but I saw some other friends.

I felt embarrassed I did this. I haven’t done this in months. So yea, the breakup with the last girl (D), brought back the pain and hurt. I had a dream about my ex again last night. I woke up wanting to check her blog, but I won’t. I want to connect but the feeling will pass.

As for D. I know I can’t make her into anything. She just shows me a side that she doesn’t display to others. Couldn’t it be an act? Could it be the truth? Who knows. But I do know I can’t save her, she has to save herself from whatever it is.

She told me how she feels safe, how she doesn’t have pretend someone she’s not, etc etc with me. But on social media she acts like someone else. I’ve seen the good in her. I almost didn’t pass my class this semester and she told me “no we’re gonna pass and get through this” we did all our homework, labs and studied for exams together. I was too depressed thinking about my exBPD that this girl went out her way for me. So I do see the good in her.  But I cant be a white knight. It almost killed me last time I was a white night for someone.

It’s her life and how she chooses to live it, is on her.

Another thing is, I try getting mad but I can’t. I can’t be mad at my exBPD or this girl. I would get mad for a brief moment then let it go. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be mad or not?