Just joining here: Tempted to run, but have children

[Simben65]

Hi just joining for the first time. I have been married for 22 years. The last four years have been increasingly difficult. I find it difficult to know what is happenning. The temptation is to run but with children etc you dont want to leave a mess behind you. I have been reading about co-dependency and the Karpman triangle and it just seems that alot of these things make sense. I play the role of rescuer and persecutor? My wife has problems with depression, negativity, eating disorders. I am trying to detach somewhat and feel so much better when I do. We separately joined a high commitment Christian community when we were in our early twentys. This was wonderful for me as I was suffering from chronic anxiety and identity issues. I have been involved in Christian ministry and love it. My wife is a doulha, a birth partner and is great at that. Her mother is a case, took her to court to get custody of her first son, which she failed to do. A lot of conflict in that relationship, which has now broken down. What I find most difficult is the lack of clarity in everything. I was always trying to get my wife diagnosed but it never happened. I think she might be mild BPD and I have codependent issues. I will be looking into it more now and looking to get out of the triangle. Thanks for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Welcome Simben65!  I'm sorry to hear of your tough situation, but am glad you have found us.  Can you describe one or two specific situations or issues to help us understand where the greatest amount of pain is?

If you're a Christian working on codependency issues in a relationship with a pwBPD, you will almost certainly find it worthwhile to read "Boundaries," by Cloud and Townsend.  Perhaps you have already heard of it?

WW

[pearlsw]

Hi Simben65,

Welcome and nice to meet ya! That's nice that you have an area of life that brings you some comfort - your ministry work.

I just wanted to share a quick thought. There are actually many of us here that have partners who do not have a diagnosis. My SO does not. Nevertheless, I have found some benefit to the insights provided in the readings and discussions around here. I think he has some, but not all of the traits of BPD, and I think he may also suffer from depression and perhaps some PTSD symptoms too. You could still benefit a lot, short of a diagnosis, by focusing on the symptoms/traits just so ya know. I know it has helped me a lot!

Would you like to tell us more about your identity issues and/or chronic anxiety?

with compassion, pearl.