Looking back on our old posts...have we grown?

[once removed]

i really value the insight of this community. not only the support that ive received, but when i read one member supporting another member, and i end up learning something valuable from both of them, even when the situation has nothing to do with me  . it really motivates me to pass it on and pay it forward.

looking at my old posts tends to remind me of looking through, say, a diary i kept in middle school. theres nostalgia... .a lot of things id forgotten about... .some laughs... .maybe even a few self high fives, but man, its mostly a lot of cringe worthy moments  .

but we're cringing cause we're more mature now, right  ? and at the end of the day, its kinda fun aint it?

so my challenge to you, should you choose to accept it, is to find that old post that you kinda wish you could take back. what have you learned?

and if it makes you feel better, lord knows i need it, find that post, the one that shows your growth, and give yourself a high five!

[MeandThee29]

I'm still struggling, but now I'm finding more words to describe it.  That's progress!

Bit-by-bit I'm seeing more of the distortions and finding a bit more of myself.

[Turkish]

My first posts were logical and decent.  After a few months,  not so much so for a long while 

I like to think I recovered. 

[CryWolf]

I look back on my posts and was so full of anxiety and fear. I could read my posts and feel it again, what I felt in those moments and what I was doing in those moments. I look back and also tell myself how far I’ve came since the beginning. The old CryWolf was desperate, needy, weak minded. The new me, is learning and growing. Experimenting with what works and doesn’t.

I was so consumed with getting my ex back at any cost that I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know how to be independent. I blamed myself every night. I was just consumed with hatred of myself and blame.

Getting replies on my posts or reading other peoples soothed my anxiety. I had no idea how so many people were going through similar situations.  The posts were all I had, I thought I was crazy and alone before here. I constantly refreshed my posts to wait a reply from someone. I needed it. I was ready to drop out of school and give up. One night I even cut myself because I was so lost in my head and didn’t feel anything for so long. In a sense I Distegulated. I even questioned why I had to live at a point. It was very dark stuff. I started drinking on weekends because the pain would increase.

Fast forward, I’m in a much better place now. I met new people, new places and dated new people. Although, it didn’t end in my favor it brought things into perspective. I settled for my ex. I settled for someone who I built a fantasy in my mind, and she played into it at first. But she was all fabrications. I stopped blaming myself, and realized I did so much for her. After I dated new girlS, I realized my worth and that it wasnt my fault my ex didn’t appreciate me. That it wasn’t all my fault. That other people will appreciate what I do. I did so much for someone who belittled me and disreslected me. Who invalidated me and made me feel miserable. But yet I still loved her and was patient. And when my feelings were addressed. She left me.

I am also proud I never let my ex break me. One time, she told me “oh I’m gonna break you”. This was the early phases of dating. I didn’t know what she meant. She called me so many things. Accused me of so many things. I let her get in my head and ruin me for a while. But no more. She loves control and manipulation. I have to keep reminding myself that.

This was the hardest lesson ever in my life. It helped me grow the fudge  up and in a way get my shiit together.

Despite all the things I went through with my ex, I still love her and miss her. But I’ve accepted what it is. Ive accepted that if you love someone you Let them go. You let them be happy with or without you. I wonder about her, but I’m sure she’s happy without me.

I went from checking her blog all the time to haven’t checked since end of April I think. I went from constantly thinking about to only here and there. I think about a perfect life with her but we all know it’s nearly impossible, with someone with BPD. It’s sad. I blamed myself for giving up on her for so long. But she gave up on us. She betrayed all the trust and destroyed what we had and never let it become serious. She would ruin it. Then brick by brick I would build that foundation again.

I spent so much money and time watching videos on get ur ex back and all that stuff. I focused more time on her than myself. I dropped some classes because I coulsnt focus.  All I wanted was her. Now I’m in a healthier place where I can live with or without her. Time is your best friend.

I’m repeating myself a lot, but I hope this resonates with someone. I hope you can see that someone who was hopeless and miserable came back from the depths of hell and is still fighting to improve and be a better person. This relationship opened my eyes and allowed me to mature. It allowed me to see that love is a dangerous game and you have to be careful. But it also doesn’t mean you should give up and lose hope. dating And finding someone is trial and error. Like science experiments in labs . You either create a monster like Frankenstein or discover something beautiful like a cure to end a disease.

Thanks if you read this far

[once removed]

i forgot to add: share your examples please!

anyone have good examples/quotes of their posts?