Hey guys, so this is the third time I've been ghosted.

First, my expBPD. Second, the girl from my class who came back and did it again. And now this girl whom, I thought was going to be different and showed extreme interest and my friends even thought so too. She genuinely seemed like a positive person and full of good energy. She was anxious talking to me

It's funny, how you think "this time will be different" but it isn't. And you just question, whats wrong with me?

So this girl... We met a year ago, at this restaurant she worked at. She dated someone I knew at the time. We followed each other on social media. Talked here and there. Then last month, I asked her out. We went out on one date, and it was good. She did say something that triggered a red flag, she said "im kinda bipolar" in a joking way... .But idk if she was joking about it.  

She wanted to call me that same night, but my friends from california were over and i was at party with them. This was 3am she wanted to call. She wanted me to meet her friends and I had to decline because it was the second date, and I wasnt comfortable with that. Plus my friends were still over from california whom I didnt see in years. then she left the state with her family. we texted a lot, and I made sure i wasnt needy or over texting.

she came back, and we both were busy with school and work. then we went on a second date, she payed since I payed the first time. It was pretty good date. I drove over an hour to see her.

then after, we got busy again. Im working like crazy at my pharmacy. Shes taking summer courses and work. She still wanted me to meet her friends, and I became open to it. But she didnt send me an actual day.

Then I ask her out, and she says shes busy last saturday but asks for my schedule for this week and how she wants to see me. We made plans wednesday. Wednesday comes, and she texts me at 6am saying "i wont be busy til 7pm" and i say 'thats fine Ill pick you up then" then she texts me 5 hours later saying, "hey im sorry about the dry text earlier, I was half asleep. Does 2 work for you?" and I say "how about 3?" and she says "that works what do u wanna do today?" I tell her how I have hiking this little trail and lunch planned. and she sounds excited. then an hour later she says "something might have accidentally popped up what other day are you free this week?"

uhmm? That sounds like she is prioritizing another guy in my opinion. So i acted unbothered. She told me her friend came and she went to see them.  

I said Im free friday. I told her thursday that id pick her up friday evening, then she says " you cant do friday morning? " and i say "no sorry taking my siblings to see incredibles 2" and she says "aw i understand" and I respond with "let me know when else youre free, we can make something work"

and no response. then she goes and posts on snapchat today but never replied to me...

She went from texting and chasing to getting cold and ghosting when I did nothing wrong. And its not like I was being cold to her either. I wasnt ignoring her or being needy. She wanted me to meet her friends, and pursued me. She wanted me to come on her campus and study with her, and made all these plans with me.

I really dont understand anymore.

Dont take it personal Cry.  Maybe these people are weeding themselves out?  I met this guy on pof, he seemed interested, called me from his away training, sounded like he was going to ask me out,  and never really did.  He always was "available " at times he knew didnt work for me.  These beginning signs i pay attention to.  They are not insignificant... .as much as they want us to think so.  It is getting to see behind the curtain, what is in store for us, if we continue.    So i am grateful if  someone weeds themself out with unacceptable behaviour.   There are great people out there, its my job to find THEM. 
Blessings,  j

CryWolf   

Thank you for sharing. After I dated my ex I was blessed with some dates, and I do want to join juju2 on this one.

It's difficult when we find someone new, and we're attracted to that person, and for some reason timings don't match up.
Me too.

Actually, I do think you did well here.
Your relationships with your friends are important to you and you didn't overwrite plans with them.
Again, with those relationships you've established and invested in.   

I pursued someone attractive to me who didn't reciprocate, but I kept the things that were important to me just that: important. Looking back I still feel I did really well--even if I didn't 'get' that girl. I think a lot of what men and women do sometimes early in the dating phase has very little to do with your fault--so don't treat it like it is by haranguing yourself over what other men she may or may not be seeing.

Enjoy your weekend.   

 

far be it from me to suggest you ditch your buddies (let alone your siblings). however, theres starting to be a little bit of a recurring thing with you being a bit distant and unavailable. another member observed it with the prior girl. do you think thats playing a part?

Hey all, this girl i didnt really get attatched too or saw a future with. But i did want to date and know each other more. she showed much interested. I guess what hurts is being ghosted. I wouldnt have minded the truth but it just goes to show peoples character.

On regards, of being more distant with the past few girls. I think its because of how I was proclaimed needy and attention seeking by my BPDex that I rewired myself. I put my ex first so many times, lost friendships and wasnt a good big brother. I am now putting myself first and my priorities with friends and family and whoever is close to me as to someone I only went on one date with. I know there are sacrifices in dating but if its not even the second date, then I dont think its worth it. Im not sure. Im in a different mindset these days as to where i was a long time ago.

Spacecadet - She made sketchy plans or firm ones at her convenience ; ) Blew-off at last moments a couple of times and then disappeared. At best, she's flaky... .at worst, she's 100% ghosted.

Certainly doesn't appear worth any more time spent - unless you love chasing unavailable women : )

Shawnlam - Nailed.