Please join discussion: How is your self-care going?

[pearlsw]

Hey BPD Family Community,    

I know a lot of folks lurk, but I'm hoping I can woo you onto the field here! We want to know you and offer genuine support!

Simple question: How is your self-care going this week? What are you gonna do this week to keep yourself as healthy, centered, balanced and happy as possible? Big stuff or small is okay!

Me: Regular exercise helps me maintain my own mental & physical health. I'm gonna do at least 2 bike rides/wk, and I'm researching how to train for a lake swim I'd like to do at the end of the summer. I want to focus on me & my interests more than I have been in the past year or so. I'm gonna observe my schedule and set fixed times to exercise at least 5 times a week - a no excuses policy!

Please let us know what you are doing too! Cooking, meditation, time with friends, etc. would love to hear about it!

with affection, pearl.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[Radcliff]

Hmmm... .good challenge.  I am terrible at self care.  Lately I've started doing short runs -- just two miles, since I'm starting from slug status.  That needs to happen every other day.  I've got shoulder exercises I'm supposed to do twice a day, but haven't, so game on with that.  I'm also supposed to be meditating, but let me not be overly ambitious in my promises!  I'm going to start with the running and shoulder exercises and report back.

Part of the background here is that I'm engaging in some family counseling with my wife which is regularly triggering my PTSD, so the exercise is pretty critical to keeping me on a good path.

WW

[CryWolf]

Online shopping

Eating healthy and gym!

I haven’t been going to the gym as I should recently

[pearlsw]

Hey Crywolf, you funny fella! 

What, may I ask, are you buying online?

What do you like to do at the gym?

take care, pearl.

Hey WW!

Good to hear from ya!

You get those shoulders healthy! Sorry to hear your PTSD is being triggered. Enjoy the in and out flow of air while you are out running and let yourself feel free!

best to ya,

pearl.

Come on out lurkers!  I need more friends and support and so do you! 

 

[CryWolf]

Hm random things I don’t need , finding deals on shoes or car parts or clothes. Air fresheners, or I go Walmart and buy stuff out of boredom and justify it by saying how much I need it =_=

I like to try new restaurants by myself!

I usually play basketball with people at the gym but I haven’t lately due to work. I lift here and there but would like to do more of it

[CryWolf]

Also need to start meditating again... I haven’t in over 2 months. Yikes

[Teno]

Planted a lime tree, growing some basil, bought some new seeds and using my sleeping meditation audible track to help me sleep better. Google apps(no ads and free) for meditation  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=gov.va.mobilehealth.ncptsd.mindfulnesscoach and mindfulnesshttps://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=gov.va.mobilehealth.ncptsd.mindfulnesscoach.

Mindfulness Coach was created by VA’s National Center for PTSD.

[pearlsw]

Planted a lime tree, growing some basil, bought some new seeds and using my sleeping meditation audible track to help me sleep better. Google apps(no ads and free) for meditation 

Hi Teno, 

Thank you for joining us! How cool! Do you have a lot of fruit trees? How nice it'll be to have those fresh limes some day! How do you like to use that basil may I ask?

Hope you are able to get some restful sleep and feel better! Maybe you have inspired our CryWolf to get back to his meditation... .I know I need to. I stop and start and stop and start. I was doing it too late at night!

CryWolf, 

You. are. fun! I like to eat out alone too, wish I could do it more!   Glad to hear all the ways you are able to keep life "normal" Keep us posted on your meditation!

take care, pearl.

[braveSun]

Taking walks. Eating foods I love. Drinking lots of water/ice tea (summers are very hot here). Making sure I sleep good nights as much as I can. Grooming. Wearing clothes I love to be in.

Cleaning/keeping my home just the way I like it to be. Sometimes hearing the sounds of the dryer is so soothing. Taking care of my plants. Making some new curtains. Sewing by hand is like a form of meditation.

Journaling. Meditations. Affirmations to help regain my positive sense of self.

Talking to some family members (not about this stuff, just about life). Going to a local support group once/week (sharing some of my feelings, not as far as I can share here). Sharing on this board.

Going to town, seeing some art from other people. Taking pictures. Taking notes of my creative ideas when they come. Brainstorming.


Keeping up with my work preparation plan.

[stolencrumbs]

I'm growing my beard. Not sure if that counts as self-care, but it's something I've wanted to do and haven't because my wife doesn't like it. I had a beard on and off from the time I could grow one in my teens. My wife has never liked it, but we used to compromise and I'd grow a beard for a few months in the winter, then shave it off. I started to grow one a few years ago and it turned into a huge fight about how I don't care about her and what she needs and I'm just driving her further away, etc. So I shaved. Not surprisingly, it didn't much help things. I have a hard time figuring out what I want, but this is something I'm really sure about. It's stupid and not some huge part of who I am, but I do think of myself as a bearded man, so I'm committed to growing my beard out. I'm sure it will cause (more) problems. I hope I'm not doing it for that reason. I don't think I am. I think it's one thing--my appearance--that is surely mine and that I ought to be able to control. Here's to facial hair as self-care.

Also trying to cycle more. I used to cycle to work, but since I sleep in my office now, well, there is no such thing as cycling to work. Cycled 10 miles yesterday. I'm aiming for 50 miles/wk, which is what my commute was.

[pearlsw]

Hey braveSun,

Wow! You have enough hobbies and interests for all of us! Sounds like you are thriving in so many areas, thank you for sharing that with us! Just picturing that makes me feel happiness, vicariously! Enjoying the sounds of the dryer is very zen!  I will hear it differently the next time I hear mine now!

What do you take pictures of? Care to share any affirmations with us?

Hey stolencrumbs,

You gave me quite a chuckle! Man, live it!   Go for it! Have your hairy dreams! Beards are the coolest!

And that’s great that you are into cycling! Road biking or mountain biking may I ask?  Cycling is so great for clearing the head I find. I am near a lake that is perfect for it…and it is different every time. Right now I’m watching corn and sunflowers pop up, they are a bit taller everyday!

As you are stuck at the office do you try to give it some homey touches to make it feel a little bit…well, do you always feel you are at work? Do you have anything that gives you a sense of comfort and care?

take care, pearl.

p.s. Please join us anyone and everyone! It's good to know our community here!

[stolencrumbs]

pearl,
I'm jealous of your lake and the changing landscape. I ride a 1974 Schwinn Suburban--so a straight-up commuter bike. It's a 5-speed, with only four that I can reliably get to. Not great for hills, though good for exercise, I guess. It is refreshing. I hadn't ridden a bike since I was a kid until about four years ago when a friend gave me the Suburban. I had forgotten how much fun it is.

The office isn't bad. All my books are here and I have a nice, comfy chair in the corner. I really just sleep here. I leave at 4:30 and come back around midnight. I spend time at coffeshops, breweries, the gym, the library, parks, bookstores, etc. I've tried to take the living situation as a challenge. Can I essentially not have a home and be more or less okay? (I don't mean to equate myself with the homeless. I am fortunate in a thousand different ways, with access to plenty of resources.) I've embraced minimalism and now feel pretty confident I can live indefinitely without most of the stuff we own. I can truly pack what I need to live in the cab of my small truck and be okay. That has been kind of liberating.    

[eeps]

i like to go on trulia and zillow and look at fixer-upper houses in the woods. i imagine how i would fix them up and decorate and what kind of garden i would have and what my life would be like in a small town.

also, lots of silly dog videos on instagram! and other animals too... .but mostly dogs. someday i want to adopt a dog!

i need to get back to yoga, i do a lot of starts and stops with that one. but i feel so much better when i do it, and it helps with my posture so much, i feel like i slump a lot lately.

thanks for starting this thread, pearl! so fun to read everyone's responses.

[walkinthepark247]

So, a very big revelation and self-care advancement for me. I have finally decided to take action on something that I have known and dealt with for a relatively long time: I have a drinking problem. Mostly, I drank by myself to escape. I am fully owning up to that problem drinking and taking steps. It is ultimately my own doing. It has now been two weeks without any drink. So, I'm particularly proud of that and also enjoying the clarity it provides to focus on improving myself.

While I cannot blame all of my problem drinking on my marriage, I would certainly encourage all of you out there in our delicate positions to not resort to over-consumption of drugs or alcohol.  I'm certainly not preaching because this is something I am working on diligently myself.  

[SunandMoon]

Wow, WalkinthePark - bravo! That's an important message for anyone. Kudos to you for recognising the problem and getting it under control!

Self care for me this week is exercising - treadmill, light weights, sit ups and a bit of cardio. It's a great way to start the morning, and feel strong and confident.

Lucky I'm doing that, as I also have a thing for baking at the moment. Cookies and chocolate coconut slices... .wickedly delicious. I find it soothing to cook and the house smells divine when goodies are in the oven!

H is in a great mood at the moment, so we got into the garden yesterday and pruned back the cashew, guava and lemon trees. In the morning we are going to take our dogs for a walk on the beach and then have brunch at our local cafe.

Cute post Pearlsw - your lake sounds beautiful!

[braveSun]

Wow! You have enough hobbies and interests for all of us! Sounds like you are thriving in so many areas, thank you for sharing that with us! Just picturing that makes me feel happiness, vicariously! Enjoying the sounds of the dryer is very zen!  I will hear it differently the next time I hear mine now!

These are more like self-care activities I have developed over the years. Hobbies, some, but mainly I had to find a way to establish a routine, one way or another. I don't do all of these on a continuous basis, but I can select to do this or that, according to my means of the moment. Even if it's only a bit of grooming and laundry at a strategic moment. The dryer puts me to sleep at night.

I find that doing simple self-care gestures when I am feeling hurt by my partner is not that straight forward. Like I have to be mindful of doing something I know brings me back in balance. A warm facecloth in the morning. Taking the time for a good brushing of my hair. I will forget to do it. Or not feel for it. Or making sure I drink my morning tea while it's at the right temperature, not when it's too cool. I am one of those who will have a freeze response and neglect the little things.

What do you take pictures of? Care to share any affirmations with us?

Pictures, I do abstract photography as a serious hobby.
I also take pictures for my graphic work.

Affirmations. This one is an exercise I had to do as a part of group therapy. Basically I re-frame some of the hurtful words my SO tells me, so that my own feelings, experience and reality is re-organized after a rage. Things like:

It's not about me.
My life is my own business.
I may be feeling this way now, but it shall pass.
It's OK for me to feel this way, after what I just experienced.
I cannot control what other people think of me, but I have control over my responses.
I am enough.

The sort of thing I would say to a friend.
 
 

[braveSun]

i like to go on trulia and zillow and look at fixer-upper houses in the woods. i imagine how i would fix them up and decorate and what kind of garden i would have and what my life would be like in a small town.

I love this. A great form of visualization. It might be just dreams, but everything starts out with a dream, no?...    

[braveSun]

I like the Insight Timer app for guided meditations and great music.

[CryWolf]

Drove about an hour to check this waterfall/trail and then ate some Greek food today

A great app for meditation I use and my T recommended is the “Calm” app

[pearlsw]

Drove about an hour to check this waterfall/trail and then ate some Greek food today

A great app for meditation I use and my T recommended is the “Calm” app

That would be a dream date with myself! Seeing a waterfall and eating Greek food = perfection. Oh man, I am gonna use this as a visualization to get my mind of the day's troubles. I always loved dating myself.  Hope you had a great time!

take care, pearl. 

[I_Am_The_Fire]

Good topic. The last couple of weeks have been rough for me, PTSD-wise as well.

I'm trying to drink more water, eat healthier, and exercise. I'm not always successful. Lately I've been bad at it. I gained a lot of weight during and after my divorce from all the stress and it's starting to take a toll on me physically. So I need to be better with getting healthy.

So I'm taking more vacation days from work and focusing on relaxing and having fun. No cleaning the house. No running errands. Just a lot of actual downtime. Fun for me is watching silly movies or cooking shows and playing video games. I find video games to be cathartic. Sometimes the music alone is good therapy for me.

[pearlsw]

I've embraced minimalism and now feel pretty confident I can live indefinitely without most of the stuff we own. I can truly pack what I need to live in the cab of my small truck and be okay. That has been kind of liberating.    

hey stolenbreadcrumbs! 

oh, nice! i can very much relate to this making the best of things attitude! i don't own much living overseas in an unstable situation, but i;d like to pair down even more! oh wow! look at all the nice places you go to!   oh yes, it's fun how riding a bike can make you feel like a kid again! well, minus the part where i rode into a mailbox and knocked out teeth.  

so nice to know ya! thank you, pearl.

[pearlsw]

i like to go on trulia and zillow and look at fixer-upper houses in the woods. i imagine how i would fix them up and decorate and what kind of garden i would have and what my life would be like in a small town.

also, lots of silly dog videos on instagram! and other animals too... .but mostly dogs. someday i want to adopt a dog!

i need to get back to yoga, i do a lot of starts and stops with that one. but i feel so much better when i do it, and it helps with my posture so much, i feel like i slump a lot lately.

thanks for starting this thread, pearl! so fun to read everyone's responses.

 

Oh, i like this kind of thing too! It seems so great to have a house in a quiet, private area... .I wish I had more fixer-upper skills though. Do you have those skills?

Have you ever had a dog? I was lucky and had lot of pets as a kid and a few as an adult so far. I hope you get your dreams! 

There is a pretty nice 30 day yoga challenge (by a woman named Adrienne) on YouTube. I started it but then life got too crazy, but I'd love to do it again. It was just nice to hear her soothing voice.

take care! pearl.

[pearlsw]

So, a very big revelation and self-care advancement for me. I have finally decided to take action on something that I have known and dealt with for a relatively long time: I have a drinking problem.

Hi walkinthepark247,

Thanks for sharing! I can certainly understand the urge to want to escape. I don't indulge it, but the pain of life can really start to bury you. I hear ya! Whew! ! Congratulations on reaching the two week mark! You sound like you are on a really good path here!

wishing you peace, pearl.

[pearlsw]

H is in a great mood at the moment, so we got into the garden yesterday and pruned back the cashew, guava and lemon trees. In the morning we are going to take our dogs for a walk on the beach and then have brunch at our local cafe.

Cute post Pearlsw - your lake sounds beautiful!

Hi SunandMoon! 

Always nice to see you!

ooh, baking is dangerous!  

i need to do morning exercise or i'm not gonna it done at the rate i'm going lately!

well, that beach and brunch stuff sounds pretty dreamy! gonna steal that for a visualization!  

thanks so much for supporting folks here!

cheers! ~pearl.

[pearlsw]

focusing on relaxing and having fun. No cleaning the house. No running errands. Just a lot of actual downtime. 

I like your style!  I was doing that no cleaning thing, but now I will claim it as self-care rather than having declared defeat in the war on dust!  

Good topic. The last couple of weeks have been rough for me, PTSD-wise as well.
 

Hi I_Am_The_Fire, What’s been going on lately regarding PTSD? Do you have a thread going on on this? How can we support you? Wanna share more here?

braveSun, 

Thanks for sharing those affirmations and more about your art too! I love art! I need to do some and let myself be in that space for a bit! You make me want to come up with some new ones. I like to use: “You are not alone.” People who cared have said that to me and it helps me a lot.

warmly, pearl.

[desperate.wife]

When I am down, really stressed  or tired I need to get in to water. Sea is the best. I can't even describe how it feels. It is like we are one. All the stress, everything goes away. And I don't even know how to swim. But sea it is not an option, so I take really hot bath and I sweat everything away, cleans my skin and thoughts. Drink calming tea.

When I feel upset or stressed I watch smth like Grey's Anatomy, that allows me to cry for others peoples dramas (on pms days mostly). I hope they’ll never finish it :d

When I feel good I read and try to get some habits like taking tea in terrace. Just be calm. But it doesn’t work when bad moods comes.
Taking pictures somehow makes me feel really good. Yesterday I was just sitting by the lake and kept pressing button just to get that moment when bird gets out from underwater :d I don't know, 500 times I pressed it?

I also like to brows online bookshops. Fill my baskets with piles of books costing hundreds. Sometimes on a good sale I’d buy them. Lately I don't do that anymore. Because I don't know if it is worth shipping them here anymore. Sometimes it calms me to plant a flower, and water my tomatoes, but again, I guess I don’t see much point in it when the near future is not clear.

I also signed up to coursera online class about meditation. I need to learn to be relaxed. So I’ll try. I am not good with self-learning, I start but i don't have motivation to finish. Prefer physical classes. Maybe someone else would like to join so we could motivate each other? You can find it here: https://www.coursera.org/learn/self-reflection-meditation/home/info

[I_Am_The_Fire]

What’s been going on lately regarding PTSD? Do you have a thread going on on this? How can we support you? Wanna share more here?

Thanks, pearl. It's probably best for me to start a new thread, even if it's just to vent, etc.

[pearlsw]

Thanks, pearl. It's probably best for me to start a new thread, even if it's just to vent, etc.

Fair enough! Nudge me when you do!

warmly, pearl.

[pearlsw]

When I am down, really stressed  or tired I need to get in to water.

Hi desperate.wife,

Thanks for joining us!

I feel like this about water too! (but I can swim ) I love that "one with water" feeling.

Oh, hahaha, Grey's Anatomy was my guilty pleasure many years ago, I finally gave it up. It was not fun to see them kill off the hot guys! hahaahaha.  Yes, I liked having the distraction of that other world to get away from the disappointments in my own love life.

Oh wow! That is some patience to catch that photographic moment! I tried to see about that course, but I think you have to sign up with Facebook. Looks good though! Hope you enjoy it - hope to hear more about it as you take it!

I hear ya, with a relationship like this it is hard to feel or live as if there is a future. My "future" is only a few hours out ahead of me. I haven't been able to plan a life being with someone like this, and I am just watching day after day go down the drain... .

So, I try to do other things! Tea sounds nice! So peaceful!

warmly, pearl.