Partner has BPD and is abusive

[confused75]

Hi guys,

How can I get through to my partner that his abusive behaviour ie... raging, devaluing me, disrespecting my home etc is actually really hurting me? He closes down or rages every time I attempt to bring it up. I'm exhausted.

Many thanks

     

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi confused75,



How have you expressed this to him so far and how has he responded about it? Does he immediately get angry? Are there any calmer times? Do you have any issues you can communicate effectively over?

Maybe you could type out here what you want to say to him? Then we could all take a look and see if there might me a more effective way to make you point. It would help all of us, because we all need to practice improving how we speak so we don't accidentally make matters worse.

My SO does not rage typically, he is very black and white in his behavior so he can be calm and cooperative at times. He is very emotionally sensitive though and has a hard time with my emotions. So, everyone can be a bit different!

with compassion, pearl.

[Radcliff]

Welcome!  I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing but glad you have found us.  This is an excellent place to get support from folks who understand what you're going through.

Can you tell us a little more about your relationship?  How long have you been together?  Do you live together?

Can you give us some details of a recent example of a time when your partner did something that upset you, and how you responded?  Sometimes starting with an example like that is a good way to get the conversation started and see ways to change the patterns.

WW