I avoided asking..why she asked me to help

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So... .my wife apparently made some sort of commitment at church for this Saturday (I had no idea).  She is also planning on taking a quick trip for a few days (I did know about this)

So... I get texts asking if I can fulfill her commitment at church this Saturday (taking tables from one place to another is my understanding).

I said no I didn't want to create an obligation or expectation.

So... she says it's fine, she already has someone else lined up to do it.

So... .I really... really wanted to ask why I got asked, since everything was covered... .yet I resisted.

Not asking is the right thing... right?

FF

[formflier]

So... .my wife apparently made some sort of commitment at church for this Saturday (I had no idea).  She is also planning on taking a quick trip for a few days (I did know about this)

So... I get texts asking if I can fulfill her commitment at church this Saturday (taking tables from one place to another is my understanding).

I said no I didn't want to create an obligation or expectation.

So... she says it's fine, she already has someone else lined up to do it.

So... .I really... really wanted to ask why I got asked, since everything was covered... .yet I resisted.

Not asking is the right thing... right?

FF

[mama-wolf]

Hi FF,

I'd say yes--not asking was the way to go.  She was testing your boundaries, and you held firm which is great.  Asking why just opens a door to invite discussion, manipulation, etc.

mw

[formflier]

So... .my wife texts back asking if she can add a daughter, who is not going on the quick trip, to the rental contract for a loaner care we have while another vehicle is in the shop.

She then kinda explains that if that can happen the table moving would got better.

So... .I referred her to the rental company for an answer.

And... .I'm scratching my head... wondering what she is after or whatever.

I refrained from asking "how on earth would I know?"

And... .the big part of me is saying... ."this is why you don't make commitments so far in advance". 

Big picture, there are signups for everything.  It is unusual for me to signup and she won't unless I say it's ok (her choice... not mine).  Yet when I didn't go to church one day... .she apparently signed up... .and now it's causing issues.

Perhaps she is upset I'm not going on trip with her... who knows.

FF

[Fie]

Hello Formflier 

Do you think it's possible that it was a harmless comment ?
Like, she had two people in mind to take over her commitment ? You and someone else ? It's possible ...

And about the rental contract, maybe she thinks you are very knowledgeable ? So she asks you, like, what do you think the answer of the rental company will be ?

Fie

[formflier]

It could be... .yet this type of thing is very "out of character".  

There have been a number of things that she has done lately that I've "noticed" and by and large didn't engage in... that were "new" or "odd".  So... .usually when I go down a new path... .I tend to question and make sure I'm going a wise thing.

She has rented and gotten the cars and could just of easily called them.

But here is the thing... we'll never know.  My job is not to judge... my job is to "watch out for new bait" and not add fuel.

The argument (if you want to call it that) which is the backstory is that I say "no" too much and "don't do enough"... .so there used to be a lot of those comments.  They seem to be coming back in a different fashion.

A secondary backstory is that she would get me to "speculate" and then grab what I say and twist it as "truth"

She knows I don't speculate anymore... .but hasn't picked at it in a while.

I just don't want to add fuel.

FF