It feels strange to not wish him Happy Birthday

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi family,

Today is my s.o. separated---BPD birthday.  This is the first time in ten years we didnt spend it together.  I always tried to do something special.  Last year, his family and i went out to dinner, brought the cake, it was a nice time.  I always got him very nice presents, last yr, prescription sunglasses, ray ban $500.  
Today i didnt even wish him happy birthday.  I am not his cheerleader anymore.  Am allowing him to experience my absence, and allowing myself to experience my worth.  i am feeling detached, am feeling that my future is an open book.  It has taken me a very long time to detach.  Am trying to be ok w my path, am looking at getting therapy.  Feel like am a bit traumatized from all the antics x 11 years.  :)evaluation, everything we go thru.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for your support.  j

[juju2]

Hi family,

Today is my s.o. separated---BPD birthday.  This is the first time in ten years we didnt spend it together.  I always tried to do something special.  Last year, his family and i went out to dinner, brought the cake, it was a nice time.  I always got him very nice presents, last yr, prescription sunglasses, ray ban $500.  
Today i didnt even wish him happy birthday.  I am not his cheerleader anymore.  Am allowing him to experience my absence, and allowing myself to experience my worth.  i am feeling detached, am feeling that my future is an open book.  It has taken me a very long time to detach.  Am trying to be ok w my path, am looking at getting therapy.  Feel like am a bit traumatized from all the antics x 11 years.  :)evaluation, everything we go thru.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for your support.  j

[heartandwhole]

Hi juju,

I can imagine the thoughts that must be running through your head, after 10 years of celebrating his birthday. I'm proud of you that you are taking care of yourself and working toward detachment—that's not easy, by any means, and especially after so many years together. 

i am feeling detached, am feeling that my future is an open book.  It has taken me a very long time to detach. 

Yes, detachment can feel painful, but then there's a new freedom that comes with it, too. Just think of what is possible for you—many good times and opportunities to love and be loved... .

Am trying to be ok w my path, am looking at getting therapy. 

I think professional support during times like these is a great idea. It really helped me to see where my thinking had become skewed. My therapist validated my feelings and challenged me to see things (mostly myself) in a different way. We were a very good fit right from the start, but sometimes it takes a few tries. I highly recommend it. 

Are you going do something special for yourself today, juju? 

heartandwhole

[juju2]

Hi, thank you for your support.

Am taking 7 days off work.  Am going to just veg out, have lunch w my kids, meet up w friends, pretend i am retired for one week!
Sleep in, watch t.v., live in p jays.  I think it will be therapeutic.   Its is ok to have it be all about me.
Am getting in touch w me.
Its a strange place, and, at the same time, i can get used to this.  W love,  j

[juju2]

So yesterday, i did not wish him happy birthday.  i feel like it is the right thing for me, am removing my caretaking/cheerleader role from his life.  Ever since we met, i was co dependent and was cheerleader, getting worse every year... .

any thoughts will help.  It feels strange.

j

[Insom]

So yesterday, i did not wish him happy birthday.  i feel like it is the right thing for me, am removing my caretaking/cheerleader role from his life.  Ever since we met, i was co dependent and was cheerleader, getting worse every year... .

Good job, juju2!    It sounds like you know you're on the right track.

any thoughts will help.  It feels strange.

I bet it does.  Would you like to say more about what you mean by strange?

[juju2]

It feels strange, i was always there for him.  We were together ten years, and he told me a few months ago, we were the longest r/s by 5 yrs.

He had gotten uncaring to me, chastizing me for visiting him in the hospital two wks ago, other things.  I was pushed into this.  Am going NC for my mental health.  He pushes me away.

Thank you for yoyr support, j

[juju2]

Am going low contact.  We have animals and i am responsible also, for their care.  Our dog, that he has, had a uti.  Am going to pay half of that.
Otherwise, am not cheerleading, no birthday wish, nothing.  Nada.  It feels right in my gut.

[Cromwell]

On my exs birthday last year, was already 4 months into NC. I was doing well but that day felt overwhelming to actually reach out. She turned up to my house very late in the night. It was difficult but the fact that I didnt was an important milestone towards detaching fully. I can understand how strange it must have felt to have not sent your happy regards, but I hope and think it will help in the long term JuJu2

[juju2]

Thank you for sharing Cr.  He did email me last nite, could he call today.   I emailed yes.

This morning i emailed, what will the call be about.?  I want to know because if it is like the other calls, buttering me up, asking for something, offering something that never(almost) happens, i want to be prepared, or, i want to let him know am not up for that right now... .  I am choosing to make myself and my state of mind job #1.

Thank you all for your support, j