New grandson

[Notagain777]

   How to handle situations with daughter in law who may have BPD and she normally ruins all family get togethers. Now I have a new grandson who was born last week early delivery and she is already making rules that he can't be seen unless she is present. This week no visitation allowed. The NICU invited us both grandmoms into nursery to look at baby the day after he was born.

[Learning2Thrive]

Now I have a new grandson who was born last week early delivery and she is already making rules that he can't be seen unless she is present. This week no visitation allowed.

Hi Notagain,

Does her rule apply to everyone or just to you?

What is the history? Has something happened recently that might make her feel extremely protective of her preemie baby? I remember feeling uber protective of each of my babies after they were born.

Depending on her life experiences she could be experiencing some PTSD, or be overwhelmed with protective mama hormones and extremely anxious for her baby’s safety even if it doesn’t seem right or fair to you.

What are your thoughts?

[Kwamina]

Hi Notagain777 and welcome to bpdfamily

How to handle situations with daughter in law who may have BPD and she normally ruins all family get togethers.

What leads you to believe your daughter in law might have BPD?

In what ways does she ruin family get togethers, how does she behave then?

Congrats on the new grandson  I think Learning2Thrive has asked you some very good questions.

Take care and I hope to read more of your story later

The Board Parrot

[Angie59]

Hello Notagain777 and Welcome!   

I have been on this board now since March of this year and it has been of great help to me.  I am still a "work in progress" and haven't accomplished nearly what I need to, but that's okay. 

I wanted to reach out to you because it sounds we may have somewhat of a similar situation.  Although my youngest son has an uBPD girlfriend, they do have our grandson together.  We were the last ones to be called to see the grandson when he was born (both her parents had already been there awhile), and she also ruins not only family get-togethers, but basically has been ruining our lives, if we allow it of course.

I just wanted to say hi, open up the door to more conversations if you're interested.  This is an ongoing problem in our family and it effects everyone.  I know over the 4 years she has been in our lives, things have changed greatly and are still changing as she and my son lead this life of dysfunction and chaos. 

Always here to talk with! I hope you find what you are looking for on this board.   

Angie59

[grambo]

Congratulations grandma! This is the beginning of my journey too. My daughter in law who has BPD gave birth to my third granddaughter a couple of weeks ago. I visited the baby and her in the hospital and said something which triggered an episode. Then, my son called, texted, and finally hung upon me. As angry as he and I have been at each other at times, he has never been so completely rude and disrespectful. There is always chaos where the wife is in the mix. Family members couldn’t stand her from the get go about 6 1/2 years ago, and our family has never been the same. I have been seeing a therapist which is very helpful but the message boards really hit home. I feel there is hope though... .I intend to make sure I create as much happiness for myself and get better about letting go. All the tumult just makes me ill. Enjoy your day.