Hi Jabeen
Welcome to the bpdfamily. I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through
I'm really glad you are here, so many of us here can really relate to how difficult it is watching our children self destruct and in trying to help them, being lost to them, and I know you must be hurting terribly.
How can I help him? He doesn't want to be near us and wants to stay alone which we have given him his space
In the softest way possible, the best way to help your son, is to help yourself first. I received wonderful guidance from parents when I first came here about stepping back out of the drama and looking after myself as I too was totally lost, confused, angry and grief stricken after being cut off from my DD27 and grandbaby following a violent rage. I've also been called a narcissist and while disturbing, it's only how they see us, not how we are.
I read so much of what was on the board to the right
, and started practicing validating her emotions - not her behaviour. I also saw a therapist, came here to talk to other members who have been so insightful and embarked on reading books to learn as much as I can.
While I am still NC with my daughter, I am working through my grief and regaining the strongest version of myself so that I can move forward without anxiety and think about steps to stay connected and engaged with my daughter so that she always knows I love her. I think giving him space is respectful but you can let him know that you are always there for him.
It's very true that we can't change them, only ourselves and the way we relate to them. It's baby steps, and it's a long journey.
Are you able to share a little more of what has been happening, this will help other parents to target the conversation with guidance that is very pertinent to your situation.
We look forward to hearing more from you. Hugs to you.
Merlot
