Mom has BPD, I have weird double-think mentality

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi! This is my first post on this site. I joined because I want to speak with people who are in similar situations as me. My mother has BPD and it makes my life very difficult. I am in need of some advice and I also have advice to give out myself

I don't know where to begin here. Whenever my mom goes through "borderline cycles" as I call them, I get this weird doublethink mentality. I believe that I am the one at fault while also knowing that her behavior is out of control. I also sometimes believe I deserve how she treats me while knowing that I don't deserve to be emotionally abused. Did I mention that I also have anxiety? Fun. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom but my dad lives nearby so I see him almost every day. I'm an only child so I've had to learn to cope with this on my own, but I am lucky to have many friends who support me.

Despite all this, I am a very stable and fairly happy person. I am a Christian and my beliefs help me through hard times.

I don't know what else to write so I'll just leave this here.

[proud_gryffindor]

Hi! This is my first post on this site. I joined because I want to speak with people who are in similar situations as me. My mother has BPD and it makes my life very difficult. I am in need of some advice and I also have advice to give out myself

I don't know where to begin here. Whenever my mom goes through "borderline cycles" as I call them, I get this weird doublethink mentality. I believe that I am the one at fault while also knowing that her behavior is out of control. I also sometimes believe I deserve how she treats me while knowing that I don't deserve to be emotionally abused. Did I mention that I also have anxiety? Fun. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom but my dad lives nearby so I see him almost every day. I'm an only child so I've had to learn to cope with this on my own, but I am lucky to have many friends who support me.

Despite all this, I am a very stable and fairly happy person. I am a Christian and my beliefs help me through hard times.

I don't know what else to write so I'll just leave this here.

[Harri]

Hi proud_gryffindor and welcome to the board!  You are definitely in the right place to talk with others who have BPD mothers/relatives.  We are an active board and we support each other while also helping each other make the changes that are needed to heal and cope better.  

Anxiety, guilt and blaming yourself all sound very familiar unfortunately.  How is your relationship with your father?   How old were you when they got divorced?  I am asking because I am wondering if he was able to protect and support you when they were married.  :)o you talk with your dad about your mothers behavior?  What is the most troublesome behavior your mother has?

Again, we can all relate to the difficulty of having a parent with BPD.  It is good that you have friends who support you.  I hope you also stick around and read others posts and respond so you can also build up a network of friends here.   When I first came here I was very isolated and the support and input I received here has been extremely helpful.  

We have lots of articles you can read.  Some explain BPD behaviors which is good to understand so you can depersonalize a lot of the behavior.  Other articles offer communication tools and strategies that can be very helpful in terms of reducing conflict with your mother.  We also have information that can help with reducing and managing your anxiety.  I have anxiety (diagnosed with PTSD) and it can be a bear to work with!  

Share more when you can, either here or in other peoples threads.  having a sense of community can go a long way in terms of healing.

 

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome proud_gryffindor, 

Along with Harri, I just want to send my greetings and let you know I'm glad you posted. It is very strange how our brains trick us into thinking we are wrong and at the same time telling us that the other person (the one with BPD) is wrong. It takes practice and work to keep challenging this type of thinking. The more you can look at the facts and remind yourself that she is the disordered one, the more it will help you.

Have you read any books about BPD yet?

Wools

[proud_gryffindor]

I'm reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, which is helping tremendously. But it's a book I have to make sure to hide so she doesn't find it. I'm also looking for other good reads about BPD and anxiety. I'm trying to have sympathy for my mom because she truly doesn't know what she's doing. I don't think she'll ever know she has BPD. Too risky a conversation to have if I want to stay sane. Plus she won't listen to anyone. I at least have a good relationship with my dad and an amazing therapist who helps me a lot.