All plans must go through daughter before discussing them with the kids

[Parents! Get help here!]

thanks to all of you for your support. to date, she has not discussed it with us at all... Surprisingly, she is still allowing us to see them this weekend this weekend, however, she has given us the 'restrictions' of what we may and may not say to them adding that if we indicate in any way that we miss them or ask them to come again, we are 'violating' her rules and, I quote, 'all plans must only be mentioned to me and go thru my approval before discussing them with the kids' unquote. thoughts?

[abcdefg1]

thanks to all of you for your support. to date, she has not discussed it with us at all... Surprisingly, she is still allowing us to see them this weekend this weekend, however, she has given us the 'restrictions' of what we may and may not say to them adding that if we indicate in any way that we miss them or ask them to come again, we are 'violating' her rules and, I quote, 'all plans must only be mentioned to me and go thru my approval before discussing them with the kids' unquote. thoughts?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

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Surprisingly, she is still allowing us to see them this weekend this weekend

This is good. There was no repercussions from seeing them with her ex?

however, she has given us the 'restrictions' of what we may and may not say to them adding that if we indicate in any way that we miss them or ask them to come again, we are 'violating' her rules and, I quote, 'all plans must only be mentioned to me and go thru my approval before discussing them with the kids' unquote. thoughts?

What is this about? Does she feel you are pulling too hard on the kids?

I know you said you are estranged... .what was the fight about?

[Merlot]

Hi abcdefg1

Im not sure of the background to your situation however getting to see your grandchildren is great. That relationship is a special one and Im sorry its not free from imposed restrictions.

I am currently no contact with my DD27 for six months. She is in the 'hating' phase.  Unfortunately I am also cut off from my beautiful granddaughter.

To work through some of my grief, I have been reading a book by Sheri McGregor called Done with Crying. There is a real life scenario that goes to the heart of your circumstances.

It is very difficult to be caught up in manipulation associated with BPD and it is for each of us to work through that. Are you able to consider engaging with a therapist that specialises in personality disorders to work through possible solutions.

Personally, I can only ger back in my daughters life if I beg forgiveness for things that i havent done wrong. I ahve been doing it all my life, enabling her and maintaining the status quo. Ive stopped and while I am still no contact, we are on a journey of her realising that she can no longer manipulate me and I am hoping that we can reconnect on mutual terms, not just hers.

Thinking of you.

Merlot