Do they come back after telling you they are done?

[mraa90]

So, maybe you guys saw some of my other posts about the girl I was dating that left out of the blue early April. I don't know why, but I keep feeling that she will contact me again. Anyone would care to share a similar story of their ex's saying they are done only to show up weeks, or months later? The way she ended it was in a simple manner. "I can't be with you or give you more". My question here is that how do you get from an extreme like I want you and I appreciate having you to the end of the spectrum. Do they tend to go back and forth with their feelings?

If so, please give me an idea on how it could happen or how long it took in your case.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi mraa90,

I don't know if the girl you were dating is BPD or not, but I can share that the push/pull dynamic is a very common trait of a BPD relationship.

In my view, people with BPD tend to pull away to avoid conflict in the relationship as conflict can show them negative parts of themselves, which is intolerable to them.

My wife usually pulls out the separation / divorce threats when I stand on point that her behavior is unacceptable. Eventually she burns out and goes back to normal.

Can you share a bit more about what led to her leaving, and if she has any noticeable BPD traits?

~RolandOfEld

[mraa90]

She actually told me at the start she's "emotionally unstable" which is also BPD. She has anxiety and depression problem and sees her therapist twice a week. Things were super, and we were both happy together. Then suddenly she hits with "We were together to see if it could work"
Just before that she was telling me how she loves having me and appreciates me taking her out of the house more. Last text she said I have been busy but don't want you to feel Im doing it on purpose and I'm sorry.

[childhoodgone]

but how long was the actual relationship that you have been in with her, when things were going well?

[mraa90]

We have been hinting that we liked each other for 3 months, then together for about two. But I have known her since July 2017.

Also, I saw her today, but she didn't look at me. Didn't bother me, because I am the one that went to her work to regain control of my life again.

[pearlsw]

Hi mraa90,

Just wanted to follow up on what you said... .why did you go to her work? Were you trying to get her to talk to you? What happened when you went?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[mraa90]

So, she works at a coffee shop that I cherish so much. I shared good memories with my brother there. I just started going not because I want her to talk to me or anything. I just pretend that I didn't see her. I wanted to regain control and build my self-esteem back.

I have no room for more pain in my life and I deserve better. She needs to fix herself from the inside, I can't just magically heal someone. I dropped the idea of her being my responsibility.