My first time to experience this: She sees no problem, clearly there is.

[Toota1234]

Three and a half months ago, I met a girl and we connected mentally almost, immediately. We met in a circle of friends. In our second encounter I was a bit talkative and carried away passionately on an imaginary project, she then asked me “are you sure you are not manic? I said well I could be and I laughed.

But truth is I daydream, andalmost everyday, as an architect and a designer. I get my ups and downs, but I never was diagnosed as manic. I did therapy/counseling ten years ago that helped me to realign myself and ivercome fear and authority confrontation that I developed simce I was a kid, but I was never manic (I am in my 40s).  

After a couple dates (no intimacy) she told me one day that she was diagnosed as BPabout three years ago. She said that it was by the book; started by a manic episopde, she was hospitalized, then she was in a long depression after. However, she said she went through therapy and medication and moved along from her home town to a new place then another, and since two years she has not experienced any episodes. She said to me that I can ask her anything about it.

The same night shecsaid she is still in love with her ex bf who left her almost a year ago and lives in a whole other continent now. I did not take the BP note too seriuosly due to my ignorance on the topic. However, we started to meet on regular basis, and I started to notice recently that she can react very different in the same time- she can be very sweet then she is totally angry. The whole night canbe very nice then all of a sudden she would say “do not look at me this way”, or “do not stare at me”. She would say “act normal”!

I always got surprised as I was acting the same way all night, but tjis usually gapoened all of a sudden at the end if the night. We were not intimate in resoect to her feelings that she said she still have for her ex, but I sometimes gave her a cab lift or waited for her to get a cab. After a month ir so, she started to be more irritated, and even angry sometimes. Again I never knew what triggered it. But she started to threaten to end our relationship.

I acted calmly always, as I really like her. She akways demanded me to be more focus on the topic, never go in circles, and she like to reprimand me almost everytime we met. I was slightly bugged, but also admired how she always said to me “I want you to be better than that... I hold you for higher standards”. And it was not until very tecent that I remembered that she told me that she is BP and I started to read about it. And I even got to sympathize with her more. And became more attached to her. However, I had to go away for 4 weeks, and after I came back she avoided me for a week. Then we met, and she was incridibly angry, for no reason.

She said she does not want people to see us together, because she doe not want them to think we are in acrelationship. I was surprised and I was angry for the first time, and tried to tell her that we are friends and everybody kniws that. After a couple days she said we can be friends, but I have to eliminate any language that was more romantic or of a guidance nature. We met once after that in a big group of friebds, and to my surprise and everyone else she intentionally ignored my oresence in its entirety that she i tentionally greeted everyone with a hug and kiss at her arrival and departure but me!

I took a note and acted calm, and asked her in a message after if she was angry with me, she said no! I like her a lot, and really willing to go through life with her... but I am puzzled on what can I do ither than sponging and following her orders. How can I try to get her to seek help? She thinks that she has no problem and that she had her therapy and medication and now everything is OK, but I can clearly see it us nit. Any advice?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Toota1234,



I am sorry things are so confusing between you this woman you are interested in. It sounds like you care a lot about her.

Would you say that you two are dating? In an exclusive relationship? Is she still in love with this ex of hers?

What is the current state of things exactly?  Is she bipolar or does she have BPD symptoms? Both?

It helps to stick around, read a lot of the sources here, ask questions and offer support to others. This place can be a very helpful resource for dealing with challenging relationships of this nature.

wishing you peace, pearl.

[singularity]

 

Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble.  I think when we love someone unconditionally, we have to put up with whatever comes our way.  It's never personal, and I never took it as such. 

I will tell you how mine goes, it may not be similar, but right now I am just staying friends.  It is a lot of pressure - and I am just going to be here for her till she comes around or moves on.  She's worth it.

My favourite quote is the ending of the Rama series of books by Arthur C. Clark.  Basically it goes: "... .and understanding is happiness".  That changed my life.  Be there for her, understand and learn and you will be happy.