My husbands started DBT, looking for help with tools to use to lessen rage

[JEA]

My H has started DBT therapy. To my understanding 24/7 contact is available however it is NEVER used. I am bit sure what tools to use to lessen the constant rage. I've tried to ignore it and detatch lovingly that only makes everything worse- "blame game" if it's not me it's ALWAYS time for a med change.
I'm looking for tools. I do not sleep.in the same room. I leave notes to be respectful if I leave to run errands.
My instinct is to contact his DBT Dr. yet I don't want to send a mixed message while working in detachment.
Suggestions?

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[pearlsw]

Hi JEA,

I'm having a bit of trouble following you here. You say 24/7 contact is available. Do you mean he can contact his counselor 24/7 or do you mean something else?

You want to find ways to deal with his rage? There are probably a range of things that could work. Having your own boundaries around being raged at, walking away (letting him know when you'll be back), depersonalizing, not JADE-ing, or feeding the rage, etc.

I learned it was not a good idea to sleep in the same room due to other issues my SO has. Can you explain more about why you don't want to either?

Do you have clearance to talk with his DBT therapist? What would you want to discuss with this person if you could?

What mixed messages do you feel you might be sending?

wishing you peace, pearl.