Hi Everyone, I'm pregnant and need help w/ boundaries

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi, I am pretty sure my mom has BPD and I decided to join this online message board after reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells," but really, the motivation to joining this is because I am currently pregnant and I don't know how setting boundaries to protect myself and still be compassionate to my mother who is going through a tough time right now. I have two younger sisters whose lives have been drastically shaped from interactions with our mother, one of whom is in denial, and the other one who is trying to keep from "drowning" in my mother's chaos.
We used to think she had bipolar disorder, but after all 3 of us going to separate therapists, our therapists have suggested that she has borderline personality disorder. After reading the first few pages of "Stop Walking on Eggshells," I was crying and finally felt like I had a name to describe/explain my mother's actions. I'm trying to arm myself and my sisters with as many tools as possible, but when emotions come into play, it's all so much easier said than done.
I'm hoping to find support, advice, insight, and ideas from this message board, and hopefully also contribute the same back to this community.

[birdy888]

Hi, I am pretty sure my mom has BPD and I decided to join this online message board after reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells," but really, the motivation to joining this is because I am currently pregnant and I don't know how setting boundaries to protect myself and still be compassionate to my mother who is going through a tough time right now. I have two younger sisters whose lives have been drastically shaped from interactions with our mother, one of whom is in denial, and the other one who is trying to keep from "drowning" in my mother's chaos.
We used to think she had bipolar disorder, but after all 3 of us going to separate therapists, our therapists have suggested that she has borderline personality disorder. After reading the first few pages of "Stop Walking on Eggshells," I was crying and finally felt like I had a name to describe/explain my mother's actions. I'm trying to arm myself and my sisters with as many tools as possible, but when emotions come into play, it's all so much easier said than done.
I'm hoping to find support, advice, insight, and ideas from this message board, and hopefully also contribute the same back to this community.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.  You are definitely in the right place to get support, understanding and ideas on how to have boundaries and put healthy limits on your relationship with your mother.  We all have a family member with BPD or BPD traits and so we can relate to your story.  Many of us who were raised by a BPD parent are not good with boundaries so know you are not alone.

What is the most problematic behavior of your mother's?   It is excellent that you recognize the need for boundaries especially because you are having a child of your own.  We do have articles here that give ideas on setting boundaries, what they are and how to enforce them.  The most important thing to know is that boundaries are based on your personal values, and involve actions that you take to maintain that boundary.  Here is an article on Setting Boundaries and Limits and another that has examples you can look through:  Boundaries - Examples.

Read through the articles and let us know what you think.  It is also helpful to brainstorm on board with us.  Boundaries can sometimes be confusing but we can figure things out together.   

There is a lot to learn so I hope you settle in, ask questions and post as you wish.

[Learning2Thrive]

  Birdy888

Welcome! I’m so glad you found us though sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. You’ll see, there are many of us who grew up with a BPD or NPD (or combination) mother. We really do understand.

Harri has asked some great questions and your answers will help us understand how to help you best.  I look forward to learning more about you and how we may help you.

  L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

I'm hoping to find support, advice, insight, and ideas from this message board, and hopefully also contribute the same back to this community.

Hi Birdy888 

It’s been a while since you first posted. How are you doing? How are things going with your mother?

It must be difficult to deal with all these realizations while you are pregnant.  . We’re here to listen and support you. I hope you’ll pop in and update us when you have time, if you want to.

  L2T