I am concerned about my grandaugher's return home

[cleverclogs]

I have a 15 year old granddaughter who has BPD. She has been in two RTCs for the last year. Her estimated discharge date is late Sept. My big issue is her mother (my daughter) is very hostile to this child, very negative and not supportive. They live with me. I have always been a sort of coparent. How can I deal with this to help my granddaughter?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

From one grandmother to another, I welcome you here, Cleverclogs.

I can see how difficult this must be for you... .in between a granddaughter you are wanting to support while having to deal with your daughter's negativity in the situation.  It would be so much easier if they didn't live with you... .but they do... .so it is in-your-face all the time.  Not easy, for sure!

Have either you or your daughter gone for counselling yourselves?   All of us here know how difficult it is to live with someone who suffers from BPD.   As well as participating in this wonderful support group, many (including me) have sought out professional guidance to help in navigating through the journey.

It is good to read that your granddaughter has been receiving help and she will come home knowing of the tools she needs to use to keep her on-track but it will be so much easier for her if she has the support of those around her.

Your work is cut out for you, Cleverclogs.  I hope you keep sharing.  I hope you take the time to do your homework along the way... .so much info on this website |--->and links to more.  I hope you also get to feel the support that is offered from the others here.  While all of our stories differ, there are still common threads... .something in a post that will resonate with someone else and a connection made.

Once again, I welcome you, Cleverclogs.

Huat

[Feeling Better]

Hello there cleverclogs, I would like to join Huat in welcoming you here, you sound like a very caring mother and grandmother 

Okay, reading what you have written, I think that one of the things that you will possibly need to try and avoid is triangulation. Given that you say that your daughter is often hostile, very negative and unsupportive to her child, your granddaughter, and that you also co-parent, there is a risk that you could be caught up in the middle here. Just click on the link below and it will take you to the article about drama triangles, which I hope you will find to be of use to you:

Karpman Drama Triangle

Hope to hear what you think about it x 

[Daisy123]

Hello Cleverclogs,
Welcome to the forum. My DD20 was recently diagnosed in November 2017. One of the best things I’ve done was to join this site and take advantage of all of the lessons to the right of this screen. Feelingbetter mentioned Karpman’s Triangle.

We are a small family of 3, husband, daughter and me. We were entrenched in this triangulation. It was destructive and painful. After reading about this triangulation, I’ve gotten to work. With the help of a good therapist and lots of reflection, I’ve had to change my ways quite a bit.

You are a step ahead by reaching out to us before your GD comes home. Read as much as you can.

I can really hear your fear and concern. Continue to post.
Wishing you the best.

Daisy123!