Hi and welcome to the board. I am sorry for the stress you are under but I see awareness there and that is the first big step! You are right, you can't just live your life according to her needs and with the intention of avoiding her triggers or poor coping skills. You can set limits and still be in the relationship.
You have a right to have some time alone, to have your own thoughts and needs and even to get those needs met. Doing this is what keeps you you and it is healthy to want and to do them. Your guilt is a distortion of sorts. You can't control her triggers or avoid her getting upset. What you can do is learn to set limits with love and kindness without losing yourself in the process.
This is the place to do that. We have people here who are on the same path as you, some ahead of you and some right beside you, so you have good company.
The first thing I will recommend seems like a small inconsequential thing but is actually a way to help yourself make the changes that need to be made. This is an article we have on our site called
Triggering and Mindfulness and Wise Mind. Working on wise mind will help you manage your guilt and any triggers you may have that are keeping you in the same dysfunctional dynamic that you want to change.
Read through it and try to incorporate practicing this into you day. Over time it can help with so many things. We have plenty of other articles too but I think what might be ther most important thing to do is to read the other threads here and participate; read, post, ask questions, etc. Learning about the disorder and how others cope with it will help as will building community of like minded people.
I am glad you are here and hope you feel free to jump right in.
