I feel like I want him back

[BreatheFirst]

How do you deal with feeli g you want them back? These pasr 2 days I miss him terribly. My anxiety is up and I don't know why.

I want to talk with him. I want to ask if this break up is what he really wants, our family to end?

I don't want the old treatment though. But there is no i dication from his side though of wanting anythi g. I am hurti g and don't know what to do. I hate the mess my life is in... .the relationshio
P, the kids, the financial mess. I hate it all unravelling too. Please help.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cromwell]

Hi Breathe, i can relate.

How do I deal with that feeling when it crops up? The same way I deal with other feelings, recognise them for what they are - feelings not facts.

If I can seperate stuff out a bit in your situation, the part where you say it is "unravelling" is marked with fear, despair, anxiety.

I remember feeling the same when I bought my first piece of real estate, it took awhile to sleep at night wondering if I had made the last choice - to the extent of self doubt of having done the right thing - it was a signficant decision, I had done all the work prior, yet that never took away that feeling of being unsettled - that I should go the next day to the lender and cancel everything, for fear of what really was change itself - which in the long run was an excellent decision I had made.

Trying to get out of this relationship has went far beyond that level of discomfort - the anxiety, the stress, and she was just a girlfriend, there was next to nothing about walking away from it all to consider in practical terms.

Taking the emotional fears out of the equation, based on his past behaviour, do you really feel there is a meaningful, realistic fulfilled future with this man based on what youve went through already?

I was anxious about leaving my ex, some of that anxiety was justified, yet it also paralysed me for a very long time to do the right thing earlier, it prolonged my moving forward to a better life. It was prolonged by whimsical hope that things would change - they did change - for the worst, I hadnt expected to have more hurt compounded on top of what I already had suffered. Things can be bad, they can also get worse, its important to not lose sight of that either in decision making.

The feeling of wanting her back is non-existent these days, but it didnt happen overnight. Once I had appraised fully the damage, the unhealthiness of the relationship how it also affected others besides myself - none of those heightened emotions or feelings could be justified anymore when weight against the reality of how much damage had been caused, and the likelihood of it continuing. Thinking she would just magically get better, life would be a dream - was just that - dreaming. Going back to her each time for a temporary relief of the hurt she caused, was just that - a temporary relief - a pretext for more hurt to cycle towards once more.

[BreatheFirst]

Thanks Cromwell.  I think there is a part to it with fear of things changing and me having to move forward but feeling like I want to go back. 

I have to start dealing with practicalities and I think that's bringing up some feelings.  I defeinitley have fear, anxiety and espair and feel like I am grasping desperately for something.  I feel a bit like I'm in an ocean and looking for a life preserver to hang onto.

Realistically I don't think there is a fulfilled future with him although because there were some good parts and I had thought things were improving sometimes, I still hold out some hope. I don't know if he can maintain a stable life for an extended period. He is not happy for whatever reason, kept breaking up and there was the going back to old girlfriends too.  He is looking for something in his life and not content where he is. I need more stability and reliability for me and my 2 girls.

I think I am a bit stuck too in thinking that he would get magically better and it would all be fine.