pwBPD ex girlfriend stalking relentlessly

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all,

Firstly, many thanks for all the content on these forums. In the dark, excruciating times after the ‘break up’, reading gave my a small ounce of relief and made be aware of what was actually going on.

So I went out with a BPD girl last summer and it had all the usual warming signs. She couldn’t sacrifice at all. She dumped me out of the blue, we then remet and she asked me back for sex for the first time after agreeing to an open relationship. She couldn’t believe I was still there for her when we remet etc but she was even late for her. And hadn’t made the trip my way saying she was in a bad way, which she was. We didn’t sleep together as her dad got in the way and she then denied that she asked me back like that and did all the gaslighting, lying and manipulation that I’ve read about. It felt horrendous. I’ve had serious mental health issues regardless of this yet this was as bad as I had ever felt for a couple of months

5+ months from our last conversation in which she told me not to talk to her, she has tried to follow me and friend me on Instagram on Facebook numerous times. This is after I unfriended her 3 and a half months ago. She is abroad studying where her ex is who she never told me about and she is still trying to insinuate things, putting love related messages on one of the accounts she tried to follow me on (she changed the username but it still shows on my shortlist).

What gives? She seems to be up and about and active. I can’t let myself be drawn back in only to be thrown away again. I can’t afford that sort of blow again as I have lots of other problems to deal with too. I can’t sign up for a life like that.

The attention feels good but it’s also so bizarre, even though I predicted and hoped that this would happen if only for my mind to be put at ease that someone I gave a lot too is still remembering and thinking about me. I still hurt from time to time and I regularly check her social media and her latest actions to try to get to see what I’m up to.

I am also anticipating the day I hear she is doing something with her ex abroad where she is studying now. That would still hurt. I only found out about him when she slipped something about him into conversation and I had to go digging to see what was happening. She eludes to him being mean to him (that she was his rebound) but I don’t know what to believe. Anyone with the ability to give something would surely have told me about that person.

So I have not allowed any contact - I have a new number and she can only contact me on social media.

I just wanted to ask others of their experience and what is going through her head? She is clearly becoming a bit obsessive; comfortably more so than at any point when we were ‘dating’. Is she doing this for herself to see if she still has control? Her love signals tell me she wants me back - I won’t let her have that power over me again though so I am out for the count on her. A big part of me feels sorry for her for wanting me and not getting me back but that feels better than her wanting nothing to do with me. She was my first love.

And what do I do if this turns into stalking and harassment once I venture into seeing other girls who are more stable?

[Batteredbutbacku]

Hi all,

Firstly, many thanks for all the content on these forums. In the dark, excruciating times after the ‘break up’, reading gave my a small ounce of relief and made be aware of what was actually going on.

So I went out with a BPD girl last summer and it had all the usual warming signs. She couldn’t sacrifice at all. She dumped me out of the blue, we then remet and she asked me back for sex for the first time after agreeing to an open relationship. She couldn’t believe I was still there for her when we remet etc but she was even late for her. And hadn’t made the trip my way saying she was in a bad way, which she was. We didn’t sleep together as her dad got in the way and she then denied that she asked me back like that and did all the gaslighting, lying and manipulation that I’ve read about. It felt horrendous. I’ve had serious mental health issues regardless of this yet this was as bad as I had ever felt for a couple of months

5+ months from our last conversation in which she told me not to talk to her, she has tried to follow me and friend me on Instagram on Facebook numerous times. This is after I unfriended her 3 and a half months ago. She is abroad studying where her ex is who she never told me about and she is still trying to insinuate things, putting love related messages on one of the accounts she tried to follow me on (she changed the username but it still shows on my shortlist).

What gives? She seems to be up and about and active. I can’t let myself be drawn back in only to be thrown away again. I can’t afford that sort of blow again as I have lots of other problems to deal with too. I can’t sign up for a life like that.

The attention feels good but it’s also so bizarre, even though I predicted and hoped that this would happen if only for my mind to be put at ease that someone I gave a lot too is still remembering and thinking about me. I still hurt from time to time and I regularly check her social media and her latest actions to try to get to see what I’m up to.

I am also anticipating the day I hear she is doing something with her ex abroad where she is studying now. That would still hurt. I only found out about him when she slipped something about him into conversation and I had to go digging to see what was happening. She eludes to him being mean to him (that she was his rebound) but I don’t know what to believe. Anyone with the ability to give something would surely have told me about that person.

So I have not allowed any contact - I have a new number and she can only contact me on social media.

I just wanted to ask others of their experience and what is going through her head? She is clearly becoming a bit obsessive; comfortably more so than at any point when we were ‘dating’. Is she doing this for herself to see if she still has control? Her love signals tell me she wants me back - I won’t let her have that power over me again though so I am out for the count on her. A big part of me feels sorry for her for wanting me and not getting me back but that feels better than her wanting nothing to do with me. She was my first love.

And what do I do if this turns into stalking and harassment once I venture into seeing other girls who are more stable?

[once removed]

hi Batteredbutbacku and

it sounds like you certainly gave your heart in this relationship. as your first love, that has to be really tough. how long were the two of you together?

i can certainly understand your confusion. she cut off contact, but then checks up with you on social media.

as to whats going on in her head, its hard to say; i would tend to think though, that whats going on with her is not unlike whats going on with you... .you dont want to have contact with her, but check her social media, that sort of thing. things probably feel unresolved for her, and she wants to keep tabs, see what youre up to. my ex and i did that sort of thing too, after we broke up.

so, what, if anything, do you want to do about the social media friend requests?