bjmish
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2
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« on: August 10, 2018, 06:53:46 PM » |
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Hi there. Prepare for a wall of text of story.
I just came out of an emotional roller coaster that, as most can predict, has left me emotionally scarred.
#1: My ex girlfriend and I met at our job last year. After an entire year went by, we started talking and she seemed extremely nice and upbeat. I was in a marriage that was ending (I already had separated from my wife) and wasn't looking for anything else, however she mesmerized me. She started randomly crying at work, didn't quite want to talk to me but eventually did, stated her mom had hit her. I found it odd and consoled her and offered her dinner after work. We went on a date after work, and it felt amazing. We decided to date and she started putting me on a pedestal stating "I saved her", "You are like chamomile: only you can calm me down" and all other type of idealization gestures. She stated she was about to be evicted from her home, and I offered her a stay at my place temporarily. She moved in really fast, and was very idealizing right off the bat. As you can guess, you're everything to a BPD and they'll give you whatever they think you want to have (sex etc). I did find it peculiar that she had depression/anxiety medication, but it was played off as "they make me tired". I didn't know what she had then.
It started becoming weird as she accused me of flirting with other females and coming out of a room with scratches on my arm. Obviously never the case. She gave random guys at work a ride to their home and would come back to pick me up from time to time. I didn't think much of it. Jealousy wasn't something I was concerned about. It got progressively worse and I had enough of the accusations. She went away for a few hours, came back and took all her stuff with her and stated "I have rights and don't owe you an explanation." I tried to approach her at work and got silent treatments. She then stated "I'm so happy you want to be my friend" out of nowhere. I said I couldn't be a friend like that, and she really caught my heart then; simply put I was devastated. After a week, she started being demeaning and ghosted me, and got me fired with bullsh accusations of sexual harassment. I tried to talk with her over text respectfully after 2 weeks, and she stated she was dating a friend of 16 years old.
#2 a month later, she randomly messaged me out of the blue asking how I was doing (with GIFs only), and sent over flirty images and asks for pics, stating she lied about dating her friend. I did look at her facebook quite often as I wasn't blocked, and noticed only a post stating "I'm done with exes" before she contacted me. During our NC, she called me at random times but wouldn't say a word despite me asking for her, which I found was odd. Did she accidentally dial my number?
A day later, she asked if she could pick me up from my new job, we went to eat food and she seemingly was all in love, "future husband" all of it. She asked if she could move in again and, me not knowing of her BPD still, thought it was pretty fast but I loved her so much. Stated her uncle and aunt called her "a little girl" after an argument. I consoled her as she seemingly was "hurt" by that. During that week, she found a necklace that my ex-wife left in my home and completely forgot about, and started accusing me of cheating for several days (going home from work to have sex with your ex wife, then taking an uber back), looking at other women, etc. *she brought me to and from work every day and came to visit me during lunch about every day too... .those are 2 hours intervals, making it even impossible for me to travel back and forth as it was a 40 minute drive! to and 40 minute from!). I walked away one night from the verbal abuse and she kept calling stating "come back home, why did you leave, I'm not insulting you" etc. Eventually I went back home after an hour and talked with her, and was told I acted like a child by leaving. I tried to reason but couldn't win, so I agreed with her. The following day, she brought me to work, then texted me out of the blue near my break time stating "I'm leaving the house key under a bush outside and leaving you "Satan". I told her she lied about not leaving, and she proceeded to call me childish demeaning things such as "Satan" "Devil" while I tried to reason and reassure her that I only loved her. Ofcourse, that made me heartbroken and I made the stupid decision to quit my job which led to me almost getting evicted if it wasn't for one of my female friends who I considered my best friend.
#3 She left her makeup kit at my home which I kept as I hoped to reconcile with her. She randomly called me asking me how I was doing, then asking if she could pick up the kit without any discussion about our relationship. I did allow it, and she came to my home and stated she was talking to her ex with whom she has a kid with. She stared at my face (I was dressed for a job interview) and stated I was "making her horny", and then had to go drive off. Before she did, I asked for reconciliation and she didn't respond to any of it. She kept calling me randomly for 2 weeks asking me how I was doing and how the day went, talking about her 2 kids. I was disturbed about the lack of love; how it suddenly ended. I spoke with her mother during that timeframe who told me "she wants to know you care. Just be warned she is crazy." After the two weeks, she said she wanted to come back as she loved me and apologized for "getting me fired", idealization again. Made me feel special, we started being open on social media which she claimed she never done before (never found evidence of that either, ever). We would post stuff with and about eachother, romantic stuff, having eachother's back, spending Christmas and New Year. It felt complete... .However during that time accusations did occur between me and my best friend "your best friend should be me". She even messaged her directly stating "from your last message, and I'm not jealous, it looks like you left an opening for Marvin". My friend explained that we never had anything other than friendship and that's how it will stay, and that I can't shut up about my then girlfriend. It was "ok" after that, however during the remaining weeks in January it became too weird and I didn't know what to think. She randomly cried asking "what's wrong with me", I told her "nothing, you're a good mom and I love you". She asked me not to leave her and I assured her I wouldn't. Then before knowing it, I supposedly had "smirks on my face" whenever I cleaned the home, asked if her and her kids were bothering me (I love all of them so that's a no), if I was messaging anyone else whenever I had my cellphone out and would take my cellphone from me. It went as far as scouting through my cellphone bills to find nobody else's number but hers and her mother's. This story ended with her driving to my ex wife's home for "closure", which apparently she told me ex wife to call *her* mother and lie about having an affair with me, of which my ex-wife notified me of. My ex girlfriend told me my ex-wife told all types of nasty stuff about me, which was debunked by my ex-wife. My ex girlfriend moved all her stuff out, took some of my stuff while I was at work. She picked me up from work, was distance towards me, wouldn't come inside and stated "I need to talk to my aunt I will be back later". I went inside my home to find all her stuff gone, tried to call her and she refused to pick up and blocked my number and social media.
#4 Devastated, I started to look on the internet and see if it was common for people to ghost and leave like that. That's when I stumbled upon Bipolar Disorder, which seemed to match what was going on; mood swings, sessions of high energy, depressive moods, manic episodes, losing jobs (she lost her job too, stating she quit because she felt guilty for having me fired but then blamed a coworker for getting me fired). I explained to her mother that she may have it, and she stated "it makes sense now, she had manic episodes and then would be okay again." I asked why I wasn't informed of that, to which the response was "I told you she's crazy". I found out she was living in an apartment below mine with a female neighbor for over a month when I noticed her car in the complex parking lot. Cops came to my door and provided a restraining order for stalking and physical threats which I never did. In March (2 months later), she left the neighbor and sparked a fight there, went to live with an ex boyfriend who had a relationship and shortly after (within the same week), she contacted me and told me she loves me and wants to move back in if I still wanted her. You can guess what my answer was. She started saying "my voices are telling me" after I told her that I believe she may hear voices, that I think she had bipolar disorder and she agreed she may have. I based it off seeing/hearing/smelling things that weren't there on some occasions. She went to a behavioral health facility after falling out with me; she kept accusing me of cheating with a person who I hadn't seen or talked to in 2 years and yelled at the top of her lungs about her life and how I made it seemingly worse, forced me to pay her bills immediately, spit on me, and know that the restraining order was still active too!. I left her alone saying remove the restraining order first before I talk to you. She went back to my home, left me alone in another city while that went going on. Her mother drove me home, got her to a mental institution where she was diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD and psychosis. Meanwhile during her stay, she called me frequently asking how I was doing, saying she loves me, and I gave her assurance that I'd be waiting for her. Starting researching more into bipolar (not BPD! I was stupid). She came out, was happy, loved me but wouldn't be too close to me. Went to work in a city hours away from me stating she did ubereats there, and it made no sense. She wouldn't say where at first, second call she would, and it sounded like she was inside a bathroom rather than inside a car. It made me question the situation and the following morning I tried talking to her about it. She forced me to stop asking about it, felt like lighting the home on fire (her words), calling me a child, immature, "you're insulting my intelligence" became her new stop words. She then layed next to me on the bed texting someone else "I can't come workout today", and I asked her why she wouldn't communicate. She stated it was a female friend, and when asking for a name she wouldn't provide it for over a solid minute. She then stated "I feel depressed now", and we left the home together and she brought me to work. Before dropping me off, asked for my debit card to pay for tire replacements. Called me during work once, asking for permission to have her nails done too, which I said sure go treat yourself that's fine, stated I love you back to me. After that call, I tried to call her and she refused to answer. After my work, her mother calls me franticly stating she went "manic" again, to be careful when I got home. Once I got home, all her stuff was still there and I waited for her mother to arrive. My ex arrived somewhat an hour later to hand me back my card, called me "sicko" and I was confused as hell. We haven't spoken or anything for three days, till she showed on my doorstep knocking on my door with cops next to her, screaming "I know you're in there!". I didn't open the door or respond, and they all left. She had my housekey still, and I kept the door barricaded during the entire weekend. She kept attempting to get in my home, and stopped once the police told her that it could be considered a break-in. She lived downstairs with the neighbor again,which didn't make sense. She was ready to sign over custody of her kids to the neighbor aswell
#5 About 2 months later (june), she contacted me again after seeing I still had pictures of us and the kids on Facebook and stated "it made her heart melt". She asked to eat somewhere, came that day to my home, stated she loves me and that she was "just crazy", and that wants to be with me as I always took care of her and the kids. I knew somehow she would be back as I assumed it was a manic bipolar episode, but that wasn't the case... .Again I was idealized, in heaven. All intimacy was there for several weeks, and it started to dwindle down. She wasn't jealous like before, and we showed significantly more teamwork than ever before. She would boast about me to her friends, however refused to be public on social media "as people who post as couples on social media will break up". Her narcissism came out quite often, seemingly switching subjects. I started researching BPD instead, and saw an article about BPD people having good intentions but being misunderstood when speaking. So I started treating her like that which fell in good spirits. However, she became overly more distant. I paid for all her bills, took care of her and the kids again, even had her mother living with me for a few weeks. She got into a physical fight at work, stated she didn't start it (owner with camera footage stated she did). Fired at work, so I took care of her. Made sure all her bills were paid before mine, removing any stress trigger I could think about and find. Seeking the good in her words and deeds. Intimacy went to 0. I started looking into if it was normal for BPDs to do that, learned about splitting and other manipulation/control tactics. It set my OCD in overdrive (I have OCD, depression and anxiety since the first breakup with her) and made me question everything. The neighbor where she stayed at twice told me she cheated on me at least twice before, once with a coworker in my home and once with a stranger. My exBPD denied it every time. She stated she wasn't talking to any guys at all, however one of her exes she did "help" few months ago. When she got drunk one night, she texted him "This isn't going to work out, and we need to stop seeing other" in front of my face. When I asked her what that was about, she said "oh I felt like texting it". She called her brother saying "I went to party with <ex name> recently." I asked her when that was, she said "oh that was last year". To me, recently isn't last year. Over the course of last week (which was last week), I started to question all her actions and words. No more I love yous or I love you-in return, no hugs, no intimacy. She provided it excessively more to her kids, however. I tried talking to her about how I felt like an adult in a relationship would do, and would be ignored or called "a child" or "dramatic". I knew after reading about BPD, that it was narcissism. For an entire week attempting to talk peacefully, I snapped and said "I'm leaving you", knowing that shame and fear of abandonment are the weakness. Loving her with my entire heart, I couldn't deal with the demeaning, devaluational comments of her anymore. The neglect, I did everything for her. Showed my commitment, dedication to her. She took full advantage of it like a BPD would, made me look like the crazy one in front of her mother and friend. I tried one final attempt to talk and she said "I don't love you. I love someone else. He doesn't know it yet. You're a child, you always only want to hear what you want to hear and if you don't get your way, you stomp and pout" (which I never do). "I'm not going to play your mindgames, you're always manipulative. I never hurt you, I never abused you. You're abusive. I'm not going to stay with someone who is a child." And proceeds, like she normally does, to literally act like a 12 year old bully towards me, insulting me, calling me names.
That's my story. I love her as I understand what she has, and it left me heartbroken. I miss her, but question if she ever loved me. I feel empty, lost. I miss the kids too. I sacrificed so much to be hurt like this, and I feel regret for having told her that I'd leave... .
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