Finally have a name for my mother's behavior

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I am new to this group, as I am just finding out what BPD is. I am so relieved to finally have a name for my 74-year-old mother's behavior, and to see that all of the people she has blamed for the chaos in her life (including me) are not responsible for it!

In 2014, I was in counseling during my father's hospitalization and passing. My LCSW mentioned that my mother could have BPD -- she obviously couldn't diagnose her -- but that comment stuck in the back of my mind. It came back to me about 6 weeks ago when my mother raged at me over the phone for talking to her in a "disrespectful tone" and within five minutes had decided to write me out of her will and removed me from a joint credit card. It was my final breaking point, so I searched for information and books online. I found Stop Walking on Eggshells and have begun reading it. It's so hard. On one hand I feel completely validated that my experiences are typical for someone whose is dealing with a person who may have BPD. There are so many times that I think, "I've said that exact thing!" or "That's exactly what happened to me!" But I also feel hurt by the reality that my mother probably does have BPD and her behavior has created so much misery. My parents' marriage was horrible and my relationship with my mother has been a roller coaster. At least now I am starting to understand why.

I can only read the book in short doses because it is so emotionally draining for me to process. I am hoping that I will learn better strategies as I finish reading the book, but I am going to need the support of others who truly understand. That's why I joined this group. Thank you for listening.

[readinglady]

I am new to this group, as I am just finding out what BPD is. I am so relieved to finally have a name for my 74-year-old mother's behavior, and to see that all of the people she has blamed for the chaos in her life (including me) are not responsible for it!

In 2014, I was in counseling during my father's hospitalization and passing. My LCSW mentioned that my mother could have BPD -- she obviously couldn't diagnose her -- but that comment stuck in the back of my mind. It came back to me about 6 weeks ago when my mother raged at me over the phone for talking to her in a "disrespectful tone" and within five minutes had decided to write me out of her will and removed me from a joint credit card. It was my final breaking point, so I searched for information and books online. I found Stop Walking on Eggshells and have begun reading it. It's so hard. On one hand I feel completely validated that my experiences are typical for someone whose is dealing with a person who may have BPD. There are so many times that I think, "I've said that exact thing!" or "That's exactly what happened to me!" But I also feel hurt by the reality that my mother probably does have BPD and her behavior has created so much misery. My parents' marriage was horrible and my relationship with my mother has been a roller coaster. At least now I am starting to understand why.

I can only read the book in short doses because it is so emotionally draining for me to process. I am hoping that I will learn better strategies as I finish reading the book, but I am going to need the support of others who truly understand. That's why I joined this group. Thank you for listening.

[Harri]

   Hi readinglady and welcome!  I am glad you found us though I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.  You are in the right place as so many of us can relate to having a mother with BPD or BPD traits and can support you as you navigate your way to a better place.  Discovering BPD can be both liberating and so very painful.  Just give it time for all the information to settle in.  It is not uncommon to have to slow down while processing all this new knowledge.  It can feel like your world has been turned upside down.

I am so sorry about the passing of your father.  Were you close with him?  Do you have siblings?  As you share more of your story we can support and guide you along the way.  Some of us have been where you are and some are a bit further along but we all support each other.  That is the great thing about this board.  We get it.

I hope you feel free to jump in and post away or just read. 

[Kwamina]

Hi readinglady

I too am sorry you lost your father a few years ago  Losing a close family-member is difficult enough, having to deal with an uBPD mother as well unfortunately only makes it even more difficult.

Your mother's reaction you describe here does sound rather extreme. Has this happened often that she accuses you of talking in a 'disrespectful tone' and/or starts raging?

What are the traits you see in your mother which you now believe to be are signs of her BPD?

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily

The Board Parrot

[Learning2Thrive]

readinglady,

You’ve come to the right place for support in dealing with your uBPD mother. Many members on this board have a mother with BPD. Some have been diagnosed, but many have not. No matter whether there is a diagnosis or not, we are here to listen and support you.

What would you say is your mother’s most troublesome behavior currently?

I can only read the book in short doses because it is so emotionally draining for me to process. I am hoping that I will learn better strategies as I finish reading the book, but I am going to need the support of others who truly understand. That's why I joined this group. Thank you for listening.

It’s a lot to process and can be very overwhelming. Taking breaks is perfecly fine. 

I look forward to learning more about you and how we may help you.

  L2T