My anxiety has been heightened due to his episodes. Feeling alone and misunderstood constantly. Definitely would like to see if there are any techniques I can apply. He just gets so nasty at times... .hard to take. Thank you for responding Pearl.
Hi Cheeksie,
Yes, I understand. Hearing these words shakes you to the core. For the longest time I believed it every single time. He was so totally convincing. I will be honest, at some point it was like he broke reality for me. Eventually his words lost all meaning. It is powerful and painful stuff.
I think you are on the right track with not believing him, as believable as it is and feels. And I know with all my heart, how horrible it feels. You die a thousand deaths.
But yes, when he says such things try to hear it as "just words", an expression of severe emotional pain that will eventually subside. The real question becomes how to protect yourself. At this point, after years of it, I tend to exit conversations where this comes up, but he can put a lot of pressure on me to stay in conversations when he is out of balance. He won't let me talk or let me out of the "conversation" and he will badger me with a bunch of questions, accusations, and insults. You will need many skills at once!
I think adopting a matter of fact attitude helps. He says it, you say okay. In my case, deep down, he does not want me to leave him. Do you ever talk with him about how much he does this? Are you able to talk very well at other times?
I am sorry that this causes you so much anxiety. Again, I understand. It is extremely stressful and mind bending. Please come here anytime this is happening. It takes time to learn the tools here, but they can make a difference, but it takes time, patience, and practice!
Interesting, I think if I was getting these via text message I might just say, "Sorry you are feeling bad. Hope you feel better. I'm here if you need me." (Others may have better ideas.) I add in the last part, in my case, so I don't make things worse by making him feel abandoned.
Oh yes, alone and misunderstood, those feel like the bookends of my life. But you are not alone! Many of us here understand and do not want you to suffer!
wishing you peace, pearl.