Pretty sure husband has BPD: stabbed his hand, rages, don't know what to do

[Depression = 72% of members]

My partner has been showing signs of BPD for the last 3yrs, he has stabbed himself through the hand twice and has rage bursts currently he hasn't spoken to me for 72hrs and I am really struggling. Every time he has went to someone he takes it like there isn't anything wrong but there clearly is I dont know what to do, I told him on Sunday he needs to see someone if not for me or the kids for himself.

[Carrie2405]

My partner has been showing signs of BPD for the last 3yrs, he has stabbed himself through the hand twice and has rage bursts currently he hasn't spoken to me for 72hrs and I am really struggling. Every time he has went to someone he takes it like there isn't anything wrong but there clearly is I dont know what to do, I told him on Sunday he needs to see someone if not for me or the kids for himself.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[BeagleGirl]

Carrie2405,
Welcome to BPD family. I’m so sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, but glad you have found this resource.

It sounds like your husband has been seen by professionals but has managed to minimize his behaviors. Is that accurate?  

It also sounds like you are struggling to help him understand his need for treatment. The link below addresses the struggle you are facing. I’d love to hear what you think about what it has to say.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

72 hours of silent treatment (ST) is excruciating. How are you holding up?  Are you able to take care of yourself during this time?

BeagleGirl

[Carrie2405]

Yeah that's correct he admits freely that he manipulated the professionals into thinking nothing was wrong, honestly in struggling I have to try act normal in front of kids, but then this morning I'm crying in the local coffee shop telling my friends, he has also emptied his wardrobe as if he is leaving so now it's a point of watching the clock tick by to see if he will come home. I will defo read that article in a bit doing school pick up at moment

[pearlsw]

Hi Carrie2405,

Sorry to hear what a terrible crisis you are in the middle of! Do you have friends that understand and can offer support?

During an extreme episode there is not much you can, just wait it out I think. Focus on you and the kids and keeping you safe and not panicking. I endured many extreme episodes with my SO last year, and may I never live through anything like that again I must say, and they were off the charts stressful!

Are you eating okay?

Has he ever moved out before? How long does it usually take him to get back to a baseline with his emotions?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Carrie2405]

No he has never moved out before, we moved to Australia 5yrs ago from Scotland and have no family around so this in itself puts major pressure on everything, also about the above link I do alot of these things agree with him and tell him if he could talk about these things honestly with a professional it would help, hes very good at putting on a persona to the outside world, but his rage outbursts do frighten me especially after he stabbed himself, the 2nd time he done that he phoned the police and said I done it, and when I gave a statement about it he blamed me as he got charged for intimidation, I worry incase he has one of these outbursts and hurts me instead of himself I have voiced these worries but of course he thinks I'm being irrational, he has been starting fights with neighbours for no reason over the last couple of weeks I worry incase he ends up in prison I really am at a loss on what to do. At the moment I'm a bit of a nervous wreck not knowing what will come next.

[pearlsw]

No he has never moved out before, we moved to Australia 5yrs ago from Scotland and have no family around so this in itself puts major pressure on everything, also about the above link I do alot of these things agree with him and tell him if he could talk about these things honestly with a professional it would help, hes very good at putting on a persona to the outside world, but his rage outbursts do frighten me especially after he stabbed himself, the 2nd time he done that he phoned the police and said I done it, and when I gave a statement about it he blamed me as he got charged for intimidation, I worry incase he has one of these outbursts and hurts me instead of himself I have voiced these worries but of course he thinks I'm being irrational, he has been starting fights with neighbours for no reason over the last couple of weeks I worry incase he ends up in prison I really am at a loss on what to do. At the moment I'm a bit of a nervous wreck not knowing what will come next.

Hi Carrie2405,

Oh, I see! My SO and I live together in a third party country neither of us are citizens of, and we aren't the citizens of the same native country either! You will notice in time there seem to be many of us on the boards who are living outside of our home countries (with all the challenges we face with that!) and dealing with BPD and other mood/personality disorders of our partners. It is a lot!

What happens with him moving out, if he does? Does this affect anything for immigration with either of you? Were you able to get him any medical care after he stabbed his hand? I know I have had a really hard time navigating medical issues for my SO.

Has he ever been violent with you? Please do take care as this can happen right out of nowhere sometimes. Do all you can to deescalate and don't stay if you are not safe, okay?

I am sorry you are feeling so nervous and worried, that is very understandable given his unpredictable behavior!

wishing you peace, pearl.