Here I am...can't let him back until he can control rage

[ImHopeful]

Lost, confused, scared. My husband was diagnosed with BPD. For the safety of my children I had to make him leave. I still love him and I know he wants to and has desperately tried to change. But until he can control is rage around my children, I can't let him back. He goes from being completely depressed to blaming me. I sometimes feel like I too have BPD and I'm losing my mind. Been married for 17 years and have 2 boys. Wish we could just get help and make this work. Beginning to think it's not possible.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi ImHopeful,



Sorry to hear your marriage has reached this point. I imagine that must be so painful. Where is your husband living now? Does he see the children?

I know it can push you to the limits of your own mental health. Do you have any way to get some extra support so you can keep it together for your kids right now?

There are things you can do to at least not make it worse, and making it better may also be possible. A lot of it is about self-study and self-work, so that is the good news, you can control your side of things at least.

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi I'mHopeful,

I'm sorry that you found yourself in a situation where you can to make such a hard decision, but it sounds like you were doing what you had to for your own safety and for the safety of the children.

How is he reacting to not living with you right now?

How will you measure his progress in his behavior?