Saw my ex. How painful.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was broken up with 7/9/18. Tonight I went to our State Fair and my ex BPD walked right in before me holding hands with a woman.  I was with a girlfriend (as I’m nowhere close to healthy enough to date) and he gave me a snotty look. I felt extremely devastated to see my replacement. He paraded her in front of me. She’s ugly. I’m sorry. Every time they came to where I was, I left. I had to see them make out in front of me. It was devastating.

I get home to an email from him which is titled “state fair” and just says WOW in the body of the email.

What did I do? I’m devastated.

Was I not supposed to stay there? Not supposed to talk to others there? Not supposed to have alcohol or food? What?

He discarded me. What am I doing wrong? I feel like a joke.

[HopelessBroken]

I was broken up with 7/9/18. Tonight I went to our State Fair and my ex BPD walked right in before me holding hands with a woman.  I was with a girlfriend (as I’m nowhere close to healthy enough to date) and he gave me a snotty look. I felt extremely devastated to see my replacement. He paraded her in front of me. She’s ugly. I’m sorry. Every time they came to where I was, I left. I had to see them make out in front of me. It was devastating.

I get home to an email from him which is titled “state fair” and just says WOW in the body of the email.

What did I do? I’m devastated.

Was I not supposed to stay there? Not supposed to talk to others there? Not supposed to have alcohol or food? What?

He discarded me. What am I doing wrong? I feel like a joke.

[Cromwell]

Hi.

Youve done nothing wrong

hes just a sad case, cowardly looking for an emotional response to get a kick out of with the cryptic written email.

its attention seeking - whether negative or positive - the official entertainment that people went for wasnt good enough by the sounds of it - or his girlfriend captivating enough - it needed to become an exercise at being an attention seeking nuisance and try to upset you - that was the "wow" I believe of the state fair for him.

[DogMan75]

I wouldn’t take my “supposed to” cues from him. His email sounds petty and vindictive, even in so few words.

Place this experience in the fuel pile: use it to remember that this behavior is just one of the many reasons that it’s better to be done with him.

You are still in a lot of pain, the loss is still fresh, and likely will be for a long time. That’s normal -his moving on so fast isn’t. It’s easy to be jealous of their ability to move on in the short term, but you will eventually be truly better, truly healed, whereas they will be stuck in an endless cycle.

As callous as he is being, remember that he is to be pitied.

Keep your chin up, be strong, be patient, and give yourself the time you need to move on. It won’t feel like this forever.

[HopelessBroken]

Part of me also wonders if he was dissapointed that I didn’t cause a scene. That would have given control back to him as I’ve gone NC.

It’s so many emotions seeing the physical contact of them together. Especially with him telling me she’s the most amazing woman he’s ever met and has all the amazing qualities that “you will never have.” Absolutely heartbreaking. But I get the WOW MESSAGE?

[pearlsw]

Hi HopelessBroken,

I am sorry for your pain! I can imagine that would be very hard to run into an ex and actually see them with someone new so quickly after a break up.

I can't make any sense of the "Wow" message either. Seems cruel and unnecessary to me. How do you feel about blocking him so he can't send any messages in the future? Is there any need for contact anymore?

I have only had one ex boyfriend who didn't treat me as well as I would have liked after a break. (One with BPD traits.) All the others were very cool and remained dear, and valued friends.

I would advise against second guessing your behavior. You had a right to be there enjoying your life, and he his, so don't worry that you did something wrong. Sometimes things are awkward after a break.

Are you planning to go back to the Fair another time and have more fun?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[tlc232]

Hi Hopeless Broken --- in my humble opinion, the "wow" is to solicit a response.   He obviously didn't feel like he got the one he intended when you saw him, so he tossed out this "fishing line" to see if you would bite.    Don't.   No good for you will come out of it.   He is trying to see if he still has the power to control your response to his actions.

As others said before me - it does get better and his actions are so typical of what likely all of us have been through.  They all have someone else waiting in the wings because that's part of the mental illness.   I would show him that you are endlessly happy and completely ignore him and any contact.  Pretty soon you will be endlessly happy and the memories will subside.   It really will!   

Ignoring gives you the power and it also makes you well on your way to better days.

[HopelessBroken]

I feel like ignoring is the only power I do have. He seemed to take everything else away from me, including my happiness. I know it sounds mean, but I want this new relationship to fail the way ours did. I want her treated horribly the way I have been. As seeing them in the honeymoon phase knowing how wonderful he’s being to her and how mean he’s being to me is almost too much to take.

[Cromwell]

I feel like ignoring is the only power I do have. He seemed to take everything else away from me, including my happiness. I know it sounds mean, but I want this new relationship to fail the way ours did. I want her treated horribly the way I have been. As seeing them in the honeymoon phase knowing how wonderful he’s being to her and how mean he’s being to me is almost too much to take.

How were you getting on before you went to the fair, were you forgetting about him and moving forwards?

If a woman comes into work proud of her new handbag, and gets the praise of it - there is some validation of her taste being shared, the acquisition being a good choice.

she might claim to "love" the handbag, attaching it a metaphysical value that doesnt exist. Others might also share their "love" for it.

The love is the ability of the aquisition to reflect on her, perhaps also, the ability to provoke latent envy in her friends.

A few weeks later its discarded to the thrift for a new love that is deemed better, now unloved, fallen from grace.

When I saw myself as nothing more than an aquisition to be used as leverage to inflate her own illusion of herself and how she wanted to project to others - I discarded myself.

If his new aquisition cant even raise enough envy to get a reaction out of you - its a little threat to that bubble he is in being punctured. People who are truly happy in their relationships and within themselves dont feel the need to seek out this type of validation or go about it the way he is doing. Sending my ex an email whilst id just found the most amazing women ever - just wouldnt cross my mind, id be too happy and occupied to give the past a second thought.

We arent inaniamate objects that couldnt care less but BPDx just couldnt leave me alone. It was in the trash one moment, rummaged back in to scoop out the next - I never made it to landfill.

The only way I managed to get to landfill and be left alone, I cut off all contact, if he upsets you this much that your forced to think of him, is it enough to change your email to avoid another one? I severed all sources of contact, she still went so far as to stalk me at home twice, but in the end she gave up. What else could she do? Probably a lot, but she ran out of steam with me - thankfully - I had to ignore her very existence and nothing less to break away and begin healing state unmolested, not getting a bit better and having the scab ripped off each time.

Unless there is any future for you to go back to him; these thoughts about how well he will fare are not just pointless, they are unhealthy. Your happiness is not something he has taken away, we are the owners of our emotions and thoughts - its up to you to allow yourself to be made unhappy by his email. Personally when I saw my ex behaving in this way, I felt confused at first and disappointed in being wrong about her. I wanted a 'cool' girlfriend, it made detaching easier the more she presented the sad-act behaviour. She hid it well during the r/s but it seeped through. They dont see it that way, im sure yours doesnt, but it is what it is, desperately sad and it should be a remedy towards bitter disappointments.

Has he not casted himself in a different light from the guy you once thought you knew?

[HopelessBroken]

I was actually doing better for one week before seeing him Friday. No crying or thoughts of not being on this planet anymore for a week. Then I saw him with her and I’m right back where I started.

The email he’s using is his work email to my work email. Because we are both in law enforcement on the same State email server it won’t let me block his email. It let me block the personal email he was contacting me on previously.

We had our entire lives planned together and I was the love of his life the same day I was discarded. Then two small turn of events one night (not answering his calls while I was on the other line, and not getting invited to a friends cabin) and I was slammed, discarded and replaced. The handbag in the landfill. Meanwhile he’s quickly at Walmart looking for a new bag.

When you say future for me to go back to him... .there is no option of that. He doesn’t want me anymore. I don’t see the emails I get every four days or so as trying to get me back. I see them as vindictive. And in a fake world if he did, he would need to identify and accept that he has BPD and get proper treatment. Which he hasn’t done thus far. He starts therapy and quits.

Yes. Throughout 2.5 years his behavior has been so crazy at times that I felt I didn’t know him. How he could cheat on me more than once, to someone who is “amazing” or threaten me, verbally abuse me, or berate me, and blame it all on me, up until the end is not the person I thought I was getting in a relationship with. Through therapy I’ve been trying to see and take responsibility for my part as I was told over and over by him that I wasn’t enough. But I can’t find my part in this. It’s like I want there things I did wrong so that there can be answers. By therapist keeps going back to the BPD and trying to make me understand.

His crazy behaviors and the abuse haven’t been enough to detach. And to see that there really is another woman involved hasn’t made it easier either. Despite being told by everyone that he’s mentally ill, in addition to my therapist telling me he has BPD (he did one on one with her and we did couples with her) it’s like I don’t believe it. I continue to think if I would have done x y z better... .we would have had the awesome future we talked about daily.

[gilac]

whatever you do, don't react, don't feed him with your reaction. this is what he wants from you, it's all about him.
this relationship will fail, just look at him, he is still very intrigued by his ex = no future with the new supply

same happened to me, saw them twice and never again, was very happy I wasn't in my supplies shoes because my ex was intrigued by me and wanted to provoke, the supply wasn't aware what was happening at that moment, she didn't get my reaction and left nervous, that was the moment when I first started to feel a bit better after all the chaos

it's actually 1:0 for you after this, just give yourself time to heal and you will notice how poor he was with this situation

[HopelessBroken]

Just saw I got a second email yesterday after the “WOW.”

The email says:

“F U”



WHAT?

[BasementDweller]

Hi, HB. 

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.

But... .he is absolutely losing his sh!t that you are not responding to him. You totally have the upper hand here and he is completely coming unglued that he can’t get a rise out of you.

Don’t respond. Don’t acknowledge his taunts. Let him self-destruct all over the place. He flaunted his new supply in front of your face, and you have given him zero recognition for it. Keep doing exactly what you are doing. If you are tempted to respond, write to us here instead. If you can block his email, do that. Let him keep sending his abuse into cyberspace, never to be given a nod or an ounce of attention. You have already shown how strong you are. 

[Cromwell]

I continue to think if I would have done x y z better... .we would have had the awesome future we talked about daily.

Is it by that, a regret of sorts, that you didnt hang up the phone straight away on your friend to call him back then?

[HopelessBroken]

Yes. I have replayed that day over and over and over in my head. But what I come back to each time, is that in a healthy relationship you can talk to a friend on the phone that you had not talked to in months and call your partner after and the are fine. Not furious with you and break up with you. It’s okay to have plans with others or talk to others without your partner throwing a tantrum. If it wouldn’t have been that phone call it would have been the next thing.

It was always a problem if I didn’t respond to a text soon enough or if I didn’t answer my phone. He had accused me of cheating about 50 times throughout our relationship. (He cheated, I was completely in love and faithful).

[Cromwell]

He had accused me of cheating about 50 times throughout our relationship. (He cheated, I was completely in love and faithful).

I was made to feel that I was at fault when my ex cheated on me, I had done something to provoke her into it.

You dont feel at fault about the phone call - but what happened when you discovered his infidelity?

 I imagine there must have been very upsetting, but the relationship still continued.

Im just wondering why and how you felt about it - did he accept responsibility for it and show remorse or was it more complex then that?

[HopelessBroken]

Get ready for this story:

We were out for dinner and I was being open about having anxiety with doing the wording that day for my divorce decree. Should I change my name, etc. He became angry about the conversation and that I wasn’t divorced yet and we left the restaurant. Once in his car he continued to argue and told me he was just too tired and wanted to go home. He was close to the legal limit to drive but left anyway. I received abusive texts as I was driving home and decided to not respond. I often would not engage in the abusive texts as it only got worse for me. I went home and went to bed (as I assumed he did too).

What he proceeded to do is go home and drink with his neighbors. He stated his neighbors wife (who was the age of his daughter) told him she’s always wanted to f*ck him and asked for a tour of his house. He said she then pulled him to the floor and they had sex. He walked her out and went to bed. He then got up the next day and continued to verbally abuse me over text to which I am then apologizing for the night before). I know nothing about the sex.

We begin where we left off and things are good, so I think when one night he calls me and demands to see me immediately. I meet him where he tell me that’s his neighbors husband threatened him when he was out mowing the lawn. He said that his wife told him that HE RAPED HER and he was going to be filing a police report. Mind you, my ex is a POLICE OFFICER. The husband was also going to tell me. So he quick told me. I WAS IRATE.

Wait for it... .he only did it because I made him not feel important and wanted because I was anxious about my divorce paperwork. If I made him more of a priority and felt more wanted he never would have had sex with someone else.

I left him. I was beside myself with hurt and anger and it was of course my fault. He constantly contacted me and became suicidal. Threatening to “ eat his gun” because he lost the best thing of his entire life and he was at rock bottom.  I didn’t care to help him so I contacted a friend to talk him down and told him good luck. As what always happened we began talking again. This is the only time he apologizes ever and he vowed to make major changes. Attend therapy, stop drinking, attend church and work on his negative thinking patterns. He attended therapy six times and quit and started drinking a month later. Thinking never changed. He started dating me again. Taking me out, flowers, gifts, the beginning of the relationship started again and I was happy. We did couples therapy. It took a while before I could actually have sex with him again. When I needed questions answered about the sexual event he said he blacked out, didn’t know. When I asked how he could even get sexually aroused by the neighbor as she was absolutely physically disgusting he had no idea. Why she said he raped her, he didn’t know. So needless to say, I got nothing answered.

I continued in the relationship believing we could work through and past it (as I believe you can in a healthy relationship) and that he was fully committed to me and our future. And that he was just as much in love as I was. What a joke. What came out later is that FOUR MONTHS BEFORE THAT during a week he lashed out on me so we didn’t talk for 5 days he took a chick out he met on FB multiple times and at the end of each date they went back to her house and had sex.  So for five days I was sick over being suddenly lashed out on and he was out on dates having sex with a woman who ironically looked just like me.

When I found this out and that he had lied/cheated again, I stayed with him and tried to work past it on my own as there was no apology. He said we were “broken up, get over it. I’m not going to kiss your ass again like last time. 

So after all that. With the neighbor he showed remorse. Although the therapist he saw said it was more about him being scared to death of losing his job if accused of rape. The second event, zero accountability.

And with all the accusations he has made to me of me sleeping with numerous people (which I haven’t) I wonder how many there were that I didn’t ever know of. Makes me sick. I just learned of this thing called projection.

[Cromwell]

Hi HopelessBroken

Keep your spirits up in this time your going through -

And with all the accusations he has made to me of me sleeping with numerous people (which I haven’t) I wonder how many there were that I didn’t ever know of. Makes me sick. I just learned of this thing called projection.

HopelessBroken, its called getting a kick out of it.

it called control, which doesnt care so much for an "ugly" victim as for the control of the rape itself and getting away with it.

BPD, Sociopath, whatever - (they make up a high percentage in law enforcement as a career choice).

The suicide threat pushed a rescue button in you - was it simply emotional manipulation to keep you from leaving - a control tactic - or would he suicide by cop as statistically most do before any other way of job related death? When it comes to a person we have fallen in love for - its a threat that is the hardest to ignore.

Youve been through a lot, your coming to a stage of seeing the guy you fell in love with in a different form from what you once did. Disillusionment, Disenchantment - it hurts. You dont know if he has slept elsewhere, you suspect its likely - it nauseates you. Feelings are changing as a result of trust being broken. The one session BPD heuristic diagnosis by a therapist doesnt sit squarely with you - it doesnt with me either, despite a lot of behaviours coming up that many will see as BPD related. The infidelity, what can be seen as "abandonment" avoiding behaviours. It could equally be something else.

I never thought id look at a picture of my ex and feel nauseated - that day came to me, it wasnt forced, ive got a strong stomach but I saw her in a different light than if idve seen the same picture 3 years prior. It took time, it was arguably the hardest thing to confront - a complete uphaul and re-evaluation of my feelings, not just some minor discoveries that could be smoothed over. Combined with a feeling of anxiety about my judgement of character, feelings of naivety, gullibility - it was also an exercise of beating myself up "how could I be so wrong".

Ask yourself; how could someone you have outlined as being so mentally flaky - not be screened before having a responsible job where mental strength is a core requirment. Why did he leave therapy - did he realise he wouldnt be able to hoodwink over a long period of time? It took 3 months for the fault lines to really appear in my r/s - I stuck out for 3 years in total, the revelations dont come in one day, I could go so far as to say I know more about my ex post-relationship then I did when we were together.

Its heartbreaking to see a contrast side we didnt expect, but it is something that will get better.

The word you used earlier has stuck with me "paraded her in front of me". His behaviour isnt a mystery to you, it is opaque its contrived, its done with intent to hurt, it is not rooted in envy on your part. You just want to draw a line under it all and move on - your not emailing him. You also stuck by him where many others would have fleed. You stuck by him/believed him when he seemed completely desperate and unhinged. Kindness, compassion, love - you gave it in abundance, even after the cheating, you gave forgiveness.

No wonder he wont let go - he lost a special person, not the type he is trying to paint black and has revealed his true nature to himself. He has someone else to validate him; be enthralled by the persona he projects of himself. The community will validate him as a good person. He has legitiamite responsibility to control others who dont want to be - yet he is not in control of himself, especially when disinhibited by alcohol. What does he really think of you, what is his version of 'love'?

Does it matter anymore? You feel sick, its a great start, I would too and so would many reading what youve been through. The difference is your suffering can be overcome in time, your qualities appreciated by the right person. This seemed like a match, it turned out not to be.

why the poison in his emails? A hatred that you dont have the wool pulled over your eyes any more, that lack of control he has over you - not even giving him the dignity of a reply validates it. You are in law enforcement yourself, just see it as the usual provocative behaviour of a disorderly unhinged person, you wouldnt take the insults and venom to heart, its just another day at work, its not intimidating when you get used to it, its just; noise now. He is showing himself up, once it clicks in him, hopefully he will feel pathethic enough to call it a day and concentrate on refining his deception elsewhere.

I always say it how I see it on these boards HopelessBroken, i know it hurts now; in time when you are out of the fog (fear obligation guilt) and your own space to heal there will be a different mindset taking over. Is his behaviour uprooting your recovery; yes - its why hes doing it. Leave on a sour note for the hatred of being discarded. Its bourne out of self hatred, remember this, not a reflection on you. His manufactured ego of himself has been threatened and the role you played in his own vision.

You were supposed to cancel that call straight away, go along with the cabin, you didnt play by the rules anymore, how could he feel secure for whatever else he would expect in future if you cant be conditioned to follow through with the banal stuff. Recalcitrant girlfriend, un-controllable, you say his new girlfriend is ugly? I was taken aback when I found pictures of my ex's former partners. It didnt make sense to me. It does now. Vulnerable and/or Controllable, someone who will put up with their BS. That is the attractive trait on their dating strategy.

He cant hurt you anymore, your in control of your feelings; he is just desperately casting out bait. Keep each new email that might arrive as proof to yourself that this wasnt the sort of guy you first saw or fell in love with. It actually helped me the nastier she got, the stalking was the creepiest and it is rooted in shock that we never would think they would have done any of this based on those well sculpted first impressions.

Sorry for the long reply but your post triggered a lot of memories I found hard to sum up in more succinct way. Have a good day, try to live on as normal life as possible.

[HopelessBroken]

I hope you know how much I appreciate you taking the time to explain all that you did. I read it several times and everything hits home. What has made this even more difficult for me to accept was that we were friends for years before dating. I know his loving family. I never saw ANY of this until five months into our intimate relationship. I struggle every minute accepting that he’s mentally ill. That this relationship wasn’t real. It felt like the most real relationship I’ve ever been in. And I have thought so many times how a police psych eval didn’t catch this, although he had it done at age 22, he is now 45. Maybe he was less off back then.

Thank you for seeing the kindness and compassion I gave. As he has slammed me over and over that I wasn’t enough and didn’t give enough. I feel the regret daily of not giving enough. The amount I was giving felt exhausting.

As he believes I’ve had sex with 40 to 50 men during our 2.5 year relationship (including his boss and best friend)  and believes I’m a pathological liar, the hatred I’ve endured also felt exhausting. No amount of attempting to talk sense in the matter changed what he believed to be fact. So I take the recent emails as a continuation of that anger.  I wish he at some point would have been able to get his head out of the craziness. As he had this really cool girl who loved him.

[HopelessBroken]

And I know this is off topic, but can I assume he didn’t have an awesome time at the fair with his new “ amazing” girlfriend if returned home and emailed me twice?

Despite the emails being “WOW” and “F U.”

 

[Cromwell]

maybe all thats needed was seal him into the house of mirrors for a few days and hed come out a new man.

he will have been angry to have seen you there, if you would have hurled insults or better yet grabbed the hair of 'ugly', hit her head against a car bonnet and in that trance like state screamed "leave my man alone". That would have been an awesome day. Him the white knight, you arrested and fitting the "painted black" narrative, her worshipping the ground he walks on.

We are walking living visual reminders of the BS that they did, youve spent 2.5years to get a glimpse of a side that he doesnt show the world. We get hated not for who we are but for the energy they have to use to paint us black rather than feel shame for how they treated us.

His girfriend is only "amazing" because that reflects on how amazing his veneer he has built up for himself. EVERY girlfriend will be amazing, you were at one point. You will be have been many other idolised things, but did you ever feel that in the midst of all the superlatives that were nice to hear - he never really knew you or was able to?

Every tried a piece of chicken that seemed fine on the outside but discovered it RAW on the inside?

They are emotionally unbaked Hopeless, dont beat yourself up for not being able to realise and equally, not knowing what to do. Hes in his late 40s and all he has done up until now is rely on his own dysfunctional coping mechanisms for the world; latch on to anyone he can beguile and deceive, give false fantasy dreams to. Wait until the awesome girlfriend doesnt hang up the phone call quick enough, doesnt iron his shirts the way he likes them, doesnt seem to be worshipping the ground he walks on enough - i think you get the idea, shes just traded places and hasnt discovered whats raw inside yet.

 takes time and if it gets too much escape the silliness for awhile, dont be shocked by emails, trivialise them - stockpile them up in a folder called "loser", or whatever works for you. Its about your life now, your daily happiness and fulfillment, itll take alot more than that to get a reaction, right? Prove to him he doesnt know you as much as he thought, a bit of defiance to go with the nausea did wonders for me.

Lastly look on the bright side of everything, didnt he save you the entry fee ticket for the house of horrors? ;)

[HopelessBroken]

It’s interesting that you say “a bit of defiance to go along with the nausea” as when I got to work today I saw an email he sent late last night from The 5 Love Languages site.  The topic was partners who don’t show emotion. (A dig at me).

With again no response from me, he spent the morning blowing up my work phone. No messages. Just calls.

The defiance on my end felt empowering. I can’t even imagine what he would have to say or why he’s calling but it has for the first time given ME a sense of control and self respect I haven’t felt since I was discarded.

2.5 years is a short time compared to a house or life of horrors

[Cromwell]

Hi HopelessBroken (i hate calling you this!)

I got to the stage of being startled and anxiety ridden when the phone would ring. Your taking this all in your stride,

We also know that non-returned phone calls is one of his triggers.

I was thinking today of some of the things you said, I think I overlooked by assuming youll keep yourself safe, not get complacent. This is closure time and if he does have BPD; your just "vanishing" into thin air can create a very troubled mind set in him.

Its closure; its the worst thing. "unavailable" partners is the attraction, suddenly your in demand all over again - for all the wrong reasons.

Be safe and yes, control control control. make up for all that time you didnt, its an emotive-laden word; yet it is essential, not optional, in these relationships. Hand it over to your peril, I know this from experience. The phone might ring 100 times, pick it up on the 101st and it sets in the mind you will give in eventually, if this sounds like how a toddler learns to get attention from its parent, its because in the realms of not having yet developed beyond that stage emotionally; it is one and the same.

Well done today, that self respect is going to flood back in. no more intimidation, no more being pushed around. im really so very happy for you.

[HopelessBroken]

When you say stay safe, what do you mean? Like, BPD’s would physically do something in this stage?

And when you say unavailable is attractive, what do you mean? He hates me. Doesn’t me ignoring his contact just increase the hatred?

[HopelessBroken]

Update, complete meltdown.

I received an email from last night that he states due to my lack of emotion towards him he feels justified to have slept with 13 people during our 2.5 year relationship. Some of these 13 I personally know. He also referenced visiting my deceased father’s grave as “you don’t have the emotion or strength to.”  “May god help you for all that you have done.”

WHAT?

[BasementDweller]

HB, this must be really distressing. Now, more so than ever... .it's very important not to respond to these taunts. He is totally melting down and getting more and more outrageous in his attempts to bait you. Let him self-destruct and tire himself out. I wouldn't believe or even entertain a single word of anything he says to you right now. He's grasping at straws. Block him everywhere if you can. Filter/block his email address. That would be my advice. You don't need to be hurt or insulted like this anymore. Good luck. 

[Cromwell]

When you say stay safe, what do you mean? Like, BPD’s would physically do something in this stage?

And when you say unavailable is attractive, what do you mean? He hates me. Doesn’t me ignoring his contact just increase the hatred?

id just take extra precautions until he fizzles out like Basement Dweller says. Those with BPD can have rages and become physical but most often it is violence towards themselves not others. I think you already have a log of these messages? Keep them dont delete. I hope he just runs out of steam, my ex did, but she did need to make a drama - finish on a sour note.

They always burn every bridge.

So just expect anything because its this where it comes to closure is potentially the most destructive time. Your very strong and doing the right thing to not give in to the repeated calls and emails. 

[Cromwell]

When you say stay safe, what do you mean? Like, BPD’s would physically do something in this stage?

And when you say unavailable is attractive, what do you mean? He hates me. Doesn’t me ignoring his contact just increase the hatred?

hatred doesnt stop him from not accepting closure from you, closure has to end up with him not feeling shame if it does happen.

One of the most noted books on BPD relationships is entitled "I hate you - dont leave me".

[Cromwell]

Hi HopelessBroken

Just wanted to check in and see if things have calmed down with what youve been going through. How are you keeping?

[Cromwell]

Its okay, Ive since read your post in the restraining order topic.

best wishes.