I seem to only attract/be attracted to BPD women or women with strong BPD traits. I've been on dates with "normal" girls but they were usually less attractive and had no personality compared to the BPD girls I've been with.
Now, I'm just miserable. It feels like I've just thrown in the towel with dating. The highs of the relationship with my BPD ex, the instant connection, and the almost primal attraction makes dating anyone new and healthy feel like sitting through an Amy Schumer comedy special.
I've been to therapy and I definitely have NPD with ASPD traits. I stopped going two weeks ago because I felt the therapy sessions weren't doing anything for me anymore.
Ugh, Amy Schumer--I really want to like her, too. "I Feel Pretty" had some funny moments.
Anyhow, I hear you. My exBPDgf were on /off almost 3 years, and the last woman I fell hard for before her seemed NPD. It's not hard to figure out why I attract them--I was a neglected child, then a neglected spouse. This makes me a sitting duck for lovebombers, and I don't always recognize emotional unavailability.
Like you, I'm struggling with the fact that all other connections seem less vibrant than the emotional, sexual Napalm that was my relationship with exBPDgf. My closest platonic friendships don't feel fulfilling, though I'm glad I have them for companionship and support. Family gatherings don't interest me much, and even a sex romp with a much-younger hottie doesn't scratch the itch. I crave human interaction, and then when I get it, I often find it disappointing. Too filled with small talk and little bumps and bruises. Not physical enough, not close enough.
Like you, I tried therapy and felt it didn't help much after the initial breakup crises. I also think I have some NPD or BPD traits, which certainly isn't helpful when it comes to creating healthy, fulfilling relationships. You ask how do you get unstuck? I don't know, how do you think you get unstuck?
I'm trying to get unstuck by writing and read here a lot, and reading other self-help, "how to be happy" type books. I try to do things I enjoy. I make myself socialize, but give myself down time too. Lots of introspection. That's all I've come up with so far.
