3 years in a relationship with traits and behaviors of BPD, dated my neighbor

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello , I discovered this site Christmas of 17  had to figure out how my sole mate was now dating my ex friend, slash next door neighbor whom bedroom is nexr to mine about 200 feet from the bed we shared for over 2 years
Long story short we have been together off and on for 3 years and live 45 Miles part. Wee each other 3 to 5 days a week with overnight stays , she has a 13 and 11 year old from previous marriage and I have two adult boys in. College .
Our first break up came around November of last year and she decided I didn’t want marriage or young kids all on her own and ended it with me a week later she was sleeping with my ex friend and next door neighbor! Shocked!

Well that’s history I accepted her back with open arms back in March but starting to cycle again...
matter of fact last weekend she wanted time alone, didn’t think we needed to see one another anymore and wanted some family time .
Well that family time was spent with her sisters ex boyfriend of a couple years back and it was just friends and nothing happened as she isn’t attracted to him that way and she slept on the coach, two nights worth ?
. I really believe her as she was assuring me that nothing happened and but it was strange as I was accusing her of breaking up with me to go out with someone else and she assured me it’s not what’s you think,... and it would seem if it was something so innocent why didn’t she mention it to her sister today when they spent a few hours together?
 Just seems all to weird and of course now this past week we have got along so well...
This is only woman I have dated seriously after a 18 year marriage and ironic age was with her ex for 18 years but wasn’t happy In end and and had  a boyfriend for a few years towards end of marriage
Hmmm
Anyways she has a lot of signed of BPD but never diagnosed ...
Oh and she has a very strong sexual appetite and would be upset if one out of 5 days together we might not have sex and she would feeel offended.
I am a divorced male with two great adult kids and get along well with my ex . She doesn’t get along well with her ex  and it seems he had her blocked for a long time ...
anyways glad I found this site looking forward to sharing and learning!

[Ironyman]

Hello , I discovered this site Christmas of 17  had to figure out how my sole mate was now dating my ex friend, slash next door neighbor whom bedroom is nexr to mine about 200 feet from the bed we shared for over 2 years
Long story short we have been together off and on for 3 years and live 45 Miles part. Wee each other 3 to 5 days a week with overnight stays , she has a 13 and 11 year old from previous marriage and I have two adult boys in. College .
Our first break up came around November of last year and she decided I didn’t want marriage or young kids all on her own and ended it with me a week later she was sleeping with my ex friend and next door neighbor! Shocked!

Well that’s history I accepted her back with open arms back in March but starting to cycle again...
matter of fact last weekend she wanted time alone, didn’t think we needed to see one another anymore and wanted some family time .
Well that family time was spent with her sisters ex boyfriend of a couple years back and it was just friends and nothing happened as she isn’t attracted to him that way and she slept on the coach, two nights worth ?
. I really believe her as she was assuring me that nothing happened and but it was strange as I was accusing her of breaking up with me to go out with someone else and she assured me it’s not what’s you think,... and it would seem if it was something so innocent why didn’t she mention it to her sister today when they spent a few hours together?
 Just seems all to weird and of course now this past week we have got along so well...
This is only woman I have dated seriously after a 18 year marriage and ironic age was with her ex for 18 years but wasn’t happy In end and and had  a boyfriend for a few years towards end of marriage
Hmmm
Anyways she has a lot of signed of BPD but never diagnosed ...
Oh and she has a very strong sexual appetite and would be upset if one out of 5 days together we might not have sex and she would feeel offended.
I am a divorced male with two great adult kids and get along well with my ex . She doesn’t get along well with her ex  and it seems he had her blocked for a long time ...
anyways glad I found this site looking forward to sharing and learning!

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[Cat Familiar]

Sorry that you're dealing with this, Ironyman.     That sounds like it was very painful to discover that she betrayed you with your friend.

You recycled in March and then she distanced herself last weekend and you suspect that she might have been up to something with her sister's ex.

Other than being highly sexual, breaking up with you repeatedly, not getting along with the father of her children, what other signs have you seen that suggest BPD?

Cat

[RolandOfEld]

Hi and congrats on your first post. Seconding Cat that it would be good to hear more about your partner's BPD traits.

I'm starting to learn BPD and honesty are not on easy terms. I always thought my wife was 100% honest with me. Then one night recently she went on a date with another man and said she was out with her friend. She admitted to me the next day but still managed to lie quite effectively for a while.

My point is, if you smell smoke... .

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[Ironyman]

Well we talked of that and she said she wasn’t after sex just wanting to socialize and that’s what she did ...
I have spent the past three weeks basically being what she said she wanted for three years .
The sex and intamacy is still there but she told me she doesn’t want a relationship now after all. She has been communicating with other me on Facebook and I called her on it and she said it was none of my business what she does . Now she is ghosting me but hasn’t cut me out it her life yet. She hasn’t blocked me she just doesn’t respond to my texts or calls . Basically it doesn’t seem to affect her at all . Confused and know I should run but I’m holding on to the one I love even though I know it’s wrong
Come to find out

[Ironyman]

Is there any verbiage or type of questions I can ask to get a response or is that not going to happen ?

[Ironyman]

Helll now should I respond with her wanting to be friends with benefits but not a relationship . Things have been great the past 6 months , well 4 and then I noticed her slowly detaching . Love life still as good if not better after 3 year ... I want to stand up for myself but also want to be with her ... confused ?

[Ironyman]

Well now she wants to be single , friends with benefits ... we got back together end of March , magical for 3 to 4 months to slowly detach to me being low priority...
The last two months I basically became what she said she needed for three years and she said I guess I didn’t want that and wants to be friends but single ... I’m assuming she has another target but she hasn’t been able to catch him yet so that’s why I’m still here...

[RolandOfEld]

Thanks for the update.

I don't have any opinions on whether a relationship is serious or just FWB, as long as their is benefit to both sides. It can't be all the benefit is going to her and almost none to you.

Are you getting the value you need out of this relationship? In other words, is physical intimacy enough for you like it is for her?

~ROE