It's been a while... things are more difficult.

[WonderingGirl]

It's been a while since I have posted. I was trying to just do things to relax and not think about life truthfully.

Since I've posed my so had tried to kick me out a few more times. The last time we had it out. He was going to pack my stuff the next day. It turns out though, that I'm pregnant.

That day he told me
"I do care about you alot. Maybe im trying not to ___ up like the last 2 times by just pushing you away". He let me stay.

Then we had a good week until last night. In the middle of the night he told me I needed to leave again. It was after a tiny fight about how I was not cleaning up his mess. He told me I don't do any cleaning and I leave the house trashed. I do my best. He's been home for months now... .and i told him he could do some cleaning too. This later prompted him telling me again that he wants me to move out as soon as possible. That we just clash to much. We don't even like the same things.

The truth is that all he wants to do is play video games all the time. This makes me sad. He's makes no time for me. I could play video games with him, but he's not nice to people on the game that suck, and I don't want to set myself up to lose m the game for him and be made fun of. He doesn't know this...   not completely. I just tell him I don't like the games.

He uses to watch shows with me and he doesn't anymore. It's not that we clash...   it's that he has lost  interest into trying to fit me I to his day. So I've just been doing my thing and letting him come to me.

Well its probably to late. He thinks we clash to much. And part of me is sick if being a maid and chef for him, and even pay the bills for nothing in return. He barely even kisses me anymore.

I left with a few things this morning. I kissed him goodbye why he was sleeping. He's still sleeping. I'm wondering if he will contact me when he wakes. I'm at my dad's. I lied to him about why I am here. Just saying our landlord didn't pay the water and I didn't wanna be in the house with no flushing toilets. He expects me to be going back to so. I also can't tell my dad I'm pregnant.

I'm hoping maybe in a few days so can work something out with me. It's a 3 bedroom house. Why cant we just all hide away in our own rooms and live there till I have the baby, and then how from there. Why is he so dead set that having me out of the house will make his life better? Some of his actions indicate he wants me there. Last night before he choose to kick me out... .  we made plans for today.

He loves me sometimes still... .I hope... .but then again I'm not sure he knows what love is.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panda39]

Hi WonderingGirl,

Welcome Back 

Lots going on a couple of questions... .What do you want? What do you deserve?

Panda39

[WonderingGirl]

Hi WonderingGirl,

Welcome Back 

Lots going on a couple of questions... .What do you want? What do you deserve?

Panda39

Hi panda,

I want things to be more like they used to. When so cared more about me and my feelings too. I certainly do not deserve to be treated like his own personal maid and such. I've been trying my best to stand my ground on that. I wouldn't go to the store for him the other night and that started the first ordeal last week when he wanted me to leave.

[pearlsw]

Hi WonderingGirl,

Sorry things are so stressful, but glad you are sticking with the community here!

May I ask, how many months until the baby is due? How did he react to the news of the pregnancy when he first got it and what is he saying now (if it’s been awhile)? Do you really think you can get through the months of a pregnancy with him asking you to leave constantly?

What kind of backup options to you have? Do you foresee the stress decreasing?

How would you rate the level of stress you are living under now?

sincerely, pearl.

[WonderingGirl]

Hi WonderingGirl,

Sorry things are so stressful, but glad you are sticking with the community here!

May I ask, how many months until the baby is due? How did he react to the news of the pregnancy when he first got it and what is saying now (if it’s been awhile)? Do you really think you can get through the months of a pregnancy with him asking you to leave constantly?

What kind of backup options to you have? Do you foresee the stress decreasing?

How would you rate the level of stress you are living under now?

sincerely, pearl.

Hi pearl,

I'm just over 5 weeks pregnant. He's not saying much about it. He is cool about it, but not making plans or anything till we know its viable and such. I have low progesterone so I am at a high risk for miscarriage. I don't think I can get through these months. It may be the pregnancy hormones but my heart is just breaking by the day.
It's not even him telling me to leave. 9 times outta 10 hes moved passed that idea by the next morning. It's that he is so cold to me. His love for me seems to be gone. Hes been making fun of my weight more and more, and that he won't kiss me, and barely spends time with me.
It's just breaking my heart at this point. I guess I just want to feel loved again.

The only place I have to go is my dad's. He won't like that I am pregnant though, so here is the best option to be.

Honestly if I was not pregnant, I would be leaving his house and his life at this point. I want someone who wants to love me. I don't wanna lay in bed all day watching movies and crocheting because it's my only option, because I'm trying to forget how unloved I feel.

I love him with all my heart, and I think that's why it hurts most that it's not reciprocated anymore.

[pearlsw]

Hi pearl,

I'm just over 5 weeks pregnant. He's not saying much about it. He is cool about it, but not making plans or anything till we know its viable and such. I have low progesterone so I am at a high risk for miscarriage. I don't think I can get through these months. It may be the pregnancy hormones but my heart is just breaking by the day.

I love him with all my heart, and I think that's why it hurts most that it's not reciprocated anymore.

Hi WonderingGirl!

I am so sorry to hear this!    

It is oh so painful when love suddenly disappears! My heart goes out to you! I've known what it is like to love someone who isn't there for you - is just suddenly gone!

Oh, please be patient with yourself and life. The answers are coming! The changes are coming!

Let's try to put some good self talk into your head - if you'd like... .to help you not feel so sad!

What are you crocheting at the moment? A lot of women in my family are great at this! I was only ever able to crochet one long straight line! hahhaahah.

take good care dear, pearl.

p.s. sometimes it seems love is gone, but it might be there under the stress. are you sure it is gone? it is just weakly expressed? not enough right now? what does he say?

[WonderingGirl]

Hi WonderingGirl!

I am so sorry to hear this!    

It is oh so painful when love suddenly disappears! My heart goes out to you! I've known what it is like to love someone who isn't there for you - is just suddenly gone!

Oh, please be patient with yourself and life. The answers are coming! The changes are coming!

Let's try to put some good self talk into your head - if you'd like... .to help you not feel so sad!

What are you crocheting at the moment? A lot of women in my family are great at this! I was only ever able to crochet one long straight line! hahhaahah.

take good care dear, pearl.

p.s. sometimes it seems love is gone, but it might be there under the stress. are you sure it is gone? it is just weakly expressed? not enough right now? what does he say?

Pearl,

Currently I am crocheting a large blanket. I am about to switch and make two baby blankets for a family member expecting a little girl! She just found out Monday, so I have to figure out what kind of blanket I want to make her. I might try my hand at making a lovey too for the first time.

I'm not sure if the love is gone, was never there, or is just hidden behind his own selfishness. Hes said a lot in the past few weeks, I'm not sure what is true. The day he found out I was pregnant he was genuinely good to me. No matter what, he does care about me at a minimum.  Hes told me that he was just pretending to be a good person when he met me, I'm not sure though. I think he was trying, and found it to be to much work. I feel that I can see a correlation between him being 'good' and the more selfish he got, the less 'good' he became. I use good because those were his words.

[surfsupap1]

Hi, I read your post. Kids are amazing, congratulations. However, they are not easy and will add a new level of complexity to your life. I would highly recommend getting your life in order as quickly as you can with a loving support network, etc. Do it for your child and also yourself.  Be honest with your dad, you will need his help.  You have a big responsibility on your hands that is bigger than the drama. Love your significant other, but set boundaries. If he is the one, he will come around to you and grow. He will want to see his child and be a part of the child's and your life for the next 18 plus years. You two will be tied together now for literally the rest of your lives. If you want to be happy, get happy, build your amazing life and he will have to take responsibility to grow. Your heart will hurt and it will be tuff.  But you have to be the bigger person for the child and yourself.  Get a calendar and every day, focus on doing one the one thing that day that will have the most positive impact on your life.

[wateronroad]

It must be very challenging to be feeling so unloved and unwanted, especially with your hormones changing with your pregnancy.  Do your best every day to be the best person you can be for yourself.  You have only peace to gain by loving yourself the way you love others, and you love others so well.   Take stock in your personal inventory of all of the things you do that bring goodness and care to others. 
It sounds like you have faced some obstacles in the past, but here you are today, doing what is best for you and your baby and that is so very noble.   The difficulty you are facing now will only become greater when/if you welcome a baby to your life, so be sure you are thinking of yourself first, even though its difficult.  Your reinvestment in your emotional well being will pay dividends as you grow through this struggle.

[pearlsw]

Pearl,

Currently I am crocheting a large blanket. I am about to switch and make two baby blankets for a family member expecting a little girl! She just found out Monday, so I have to figure out what kind of blanket I want to make her. I might try my hand at making a lovey too for the first time.

I'm not sure if the love is gone, was never there, or is just hidden behind his own selfishness. Hes said a lot in the past few weeks, I'm not sure what is true. The day he found out I was pregnant he was genuinely good to me. No matter what, he does care about me at a minimum.  Hes told me that he was just pretending to be a good person when he met me, I'm not sure though. I think he was trying, and found it to be to much work. I feel that I can see a correlation between him being 'good' and the more selfish he got, the less 'good' he became. I use good because those were his words.

Oh, how lovely! Wonderful that you have such skills and artistry! It is so incredible to be able to create such a loving gift with your own hands! I hope it brings you a lot of calm and joy as you do it! It warms my heart just picturing it!  

Oh yes, I know how hard it is when someone speaks to you like this. Whew! It makes you seriously doubt anything they say - the good or the bad! It can just make words seem to lose all meaning.

I remember getting to the point with my SO that his "I love you's" meant nothing anymore. Some people can turn things around and make adjustments though, but the focus has to be on you changing and then seeing if that can plant the seeds for larger improvements together.

waterontheroad and surfupap1 have added a lot of insights and support here! What do you think of their ideas?

It sounds like he has a lot of self-hatred and self-doubt. At his best moments what do you see when you really look at him?

take care, pearl.