A song that helps to explain how you feel

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I’m a musician, well, was a musician and I’ve been on a music kick today. At least that’s resetting.  I don’t know if this has any therapeutic value here, but I’m wondering if the folks watching might have a song that somewhat explains what they’re feeling or have felt in the past.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S6LL5iA6y9o

[JNChell]

I’m a musician, well, was a musician and I’ve been on a music kick today. At least that’s resetting.  I don’t know if this has any therapeutic value here, but I’m wondering if the folks watching might have a song that somewhat explains what they’re feeling or have felt in the past.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S6LL5iA6y9o

[Harri]

Megadeath, in my darkest hour... .it's been a long time since I listened to them!  heh

What about this song speaks to you?  Is it your relationship with your ex, your parents, both?  Your life now?

"So far, So good... .so what!"

Music for me is very therapeutic but I tend to go for things that get me out of a particular mindset rather than something that matches or speaks to it... .hence my questions rather than participation!  Sorry. 

[JNChell]

Totally about my parents. It’s nice to see that you’re familiar with the band. I understand what you mean about leaning towards other things. I love all types of music. This song is one that I’ll carry with me.

[Learning2Thrive]

  JNChell

I have several, actually. This one applies to my past but transitioning to my present and futute. For me, the “you” referenced in the lyrics is now me. I take me to the top. I break the chains. I do whatever it takes.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gOsM-DYAEhY

 L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

Hi again, my awesome little brother 

Then there’s this one... .it’s more timeless on many levels and one I will always carry with me:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eP05iSzpz94

L2T

[JNChell]

L2T, Both great songs, but I gotta say that Golden Earring got me. I’ve heard that song hundreds of times on the radio, but I’ve never heard it from this POV. Do you ever wonder about people that have gone too far because they didn’t know, or more importantly have the resources available to help them figure out what they were feeling? I do quite often. I wonder about folks out there that are having bad feelings that have nowhere to turn. They simply don’t know.

[Learning2Thrive]

... .Do you ever wonder about people that have gone too far because they didn’t know, or more importantly have the resources available to help them figure out what they were feeling? I do quite often. I wonder about folks out there that are having bad feelings that have nowhere to turn. They simply don’t know.

Yes. All the time. I saw way too much as a kid. And then watched them pretend it never happened. I suppose it’s a very big reason why I come here. Yes, it helps me... .the learning, acceptance and sense of compassion and family I never had growing up. But knowing I am doing something that could also help others... .there is joy and thankfulness in that.

JNChell, I appreciate your questions and your perspectives. Thank you.

  L2T

[JNChell]

  Ditto

[Turkish]

Great band! I used to be more of a metal head, but I'm not as angry as I used to be.  This is more of what in into now (this is a great band live). I was replaying this when my ex left me, trying to break free from the pain:

https://youtu.be/awvqIi427_A

Goes to plug headphones into tablet

[JNChell]

Great song and video, Turkish. I don’t know about you, but all of these experiences and realizations have made me view and listen to music differently now. I used to perform quite a bit. Those days are past me now, but I wonder what the content of my playing and writing would’ve been like had this stuff been on the surface back then.

From what I’ve read on here, you’re a pretty big music fan. Even taking the kids out to concerts. That’s great! Live music is where it’s at. I’ll eventually get S3 out to a show. Music used to be a huge part of my life. It hasn’t been that way for quite some time. If I’m on YouTube it’s for borderline or narcissism videos. I have one guitar left, and it’s the one I bought for S3’s mom on our first Valentine’s Day. A good friend has lent me an old Stratocaster and amp, but I don’t pick them up much anymore.

[Learning2Thrive]

Great song and video, Turkish. I don’t know about you, but all of these experiences and realizations have made me view and listen to music differently now. I used to perform quite a bit. Those days are past me now, but I wonder what the content of my playing and writing would’ve been like had this stuff been on the surface back then.

From what I’ve read on here, you’re a pretty big music fan. Even taking the kids out to concerts. That’s great! Live music is where it’s at. I’ll eventually get S3 out to a show. Music used to be a huge part of my life. It hasn’t been that way for quite some time. If I’m on YouTube it’s for borderline or narcissism videos. I have one guitar left, and it’s the one I bought for S3’s mom on our first Valentine’s Day. A good friend has lent me an old Stratocaster and amp, but I don’t pick them up much anymore.

JNChell I’m curious why you think your music performance days are past you now. Why don’t you pick up the guitar much anymore?

L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

Great band! I used to be more of a metal head, but I'm not as angry as I used to be.  This is more of what in into now (this is a great band live). I was replaying this when my ex left me, trying to break free from the pain:

https://youtu.be/awvqIi427_A

Goes to plug headphones into tablet

I like it Turkish! Isn’t that it fascinating that our music tastes change a bit depending on our state of mind/heart/emotion? Thanks for sharing this.

L2T

[JNChell]

L2T, big Sis, lack of inspiration and being a parent. I have too much to work out with myself before I can give attention to music. My child comes first. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m choosing to devote all of my energy into my child and healing. I’m not making room for anything else at this time. I hope that I can down the road, but “down the road” isn’t my current concern. Thank you for asking.

[Learning2Thrive]

L2T, big Sis, lack of inspiration and being a parent. I have too much to work out with myself before I can give attention to music. My child comes first. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m choosing to devote all of my energy into my child and healing. I’m not making room for anything else at this time. I hope that I can down the road, but “down the road” isn’t my current concern. Thank you for asking.

I get it. Honest, I do.

But... .I just want to toss this out for your consideration cuz I’m your bis sis (love that you call me that) and I am annoying that way:

Don’t you think it would be positive role modeling for your sweet son to witness you pursuing and honoring your creative, musical self?

I’m not suggesting making it your exclusive pursuit. I simply wonder if you share some of that with him—showing him it’s important to nurture and honor your (and eventually his) creative, amazing self—if that actually might be something pretty wonderful.

You are a really good, loving and thoughtful dad, JNChell. 

L2T

[JNChell]

L2T, yes. I have thought of this. He stops me playing guitar most of the time. I know that it’s because he wants and needs attention.

I have a video of him hammering on a guitar while singing “Hush Little Baby”. It’s a toddler punk version. I wish I could share it.

I haven’t felt inspired for quite some time. My last relationship sucked me dry, and not in a good way.

[Learning2Thrive]

I wish I could see that video too. How wonderful! I’m glad to hear you’re open to it... .please stay open to it.

Yes, your son needs your time and attention. Just... .if you can, try to build a couple mini sessions into your week if you can, even if its just 15 minutes here and there. Make it light and fun and keep your music muscles in shape and ready to go. Okay, I’m done nagging.

I understand being sucked dry by a relationship too. Give yourself time.  

Sleep well tonight, my talented younger bro. I’m the much older sis who needs to sleep early so she can enjoy a special ride tomorrow.

  L2T

[JNChell]

L2T, I saw some folks out on the fat tire bikes that you’ve described. What gives? Are they an easier ride?

[Turkish]

More friction. More effort required from the rider on fat tire bikes.

[Learning2Thrive]

L2T, I saw some folks out on the fat tire bikes that you’ve described. What gives? Are they an easier ride?

Oooh, my favorite topic! They are both easier and harder. It all depends on what type of riding you want to do. More on this later. Im packing up and heading out to explore some Forrest Service Road ps in the mountains. 

Talk to ya soon little bro,

L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

L2T, I saw some folks out on the fat tire bikes that you’ve described. What gives? Are they an easier ride?

Following up on this... .
JNChell, fat tire bikes are AWESOME! As I mentioned, they can be both harder or easier, depending on what you’re using them for. My bike has 4.5” wide tires, a sturdy steel frame and gearing to get me up almost any hill. I can ride it in the dirt, on gravel, on trails, in sand (including deep sand) and on the road. If I had to choose only one bike, it would be my fat bike. She can do almost anything, but a fast road racing bike she is not. I’m good with that. I’ve reached the point in my life that I prefer the “Slow Ride... .Take It Easy... .” (just in case you haven’t had a Foghat earbug in a while).
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mIjZE4kcg_Q

L2T

[JNChell]

Hello, big Sis. I’d take that bike over anything on 2 wheels. The turtle and the hare. Thanks for the song. I reckon that that’s the best course of action while juggling all of this.

[isilme]

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle:

Hey
Don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

Hey
You know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in
Live right now
Just be yourself
It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be all right

[JNChell]

Hi, isilme. Thanks for joining the thread.

It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else

I couldn’t agree more with what you underlined. We can’t be ourselves if we’re always looking out for someone else. I read much of what you compose here. I relate and empathize with a lot of it. I hope you’re having a nice evening, morning, afternoon wherever you are.

[Learning2Thrive]

My new anthem, JNChell... .feeling much lighter today and determined to do something good — for myself and others like me.   Hope your day is excellent and you are kind and gentle with yourself.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PUdyuKaGQd4

No Roots - Alice Merton

I like digging holes and hiding things inside them
When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them
'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night
I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down
Then pack it up in boxes, head for the next town running
'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night
And a thousand times I've seen this road
A thousand times
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I like standing still, but that's just a wishful plan
Ask me where I come from, I'll say a different land
But I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night
I count gates and numbers, then play the guessing game
It's just the place that changes, the rest is still the same
But I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night
And a thousand times I've seen this road
A thousand times
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I like digging holes
Hiding things inside them
When I'll grow old
I won't forget to find them
I like digging holes
Hiding things inside them
When I'll grow old
I won't forget to find them
I've got no roots
No roots
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh
I've got no roots uh uh uh uh

[JNChell]

Great tune, L2T! I really like it. That’s one that I could dance to. One line stuck out to me in particular... .

I like standing still, but that's just a wishful plan

I’m in this apartment and I know that it’s temporary. I’ve moved around so much. I thought that I had finally found home within my last two relationships. RA and the fact that I’m trying to learn how to be alone for a while is the brutal truth. During my younger days, I’d be surrounded by 20-30 people on the weekends at house parties and I felt comfort in that. Now, when I feel like I should be with my little family enjoying the little things, it’s easy to feel sad. I understand that I need to become ok with being by myself before I can be with anybody else right now. I never learned that. It’s hard, but I’ll get through it. One positive that I can take from this is the simple peace and quiet of not having any conflict or the feeling in my gut that conflict is just around the corner. Thanks for the song.

[Star0009]

Cat Power. I don't blame you.  It was actually written about Kurt Cobain but it explains so much how I've always felt.  Kurt Cobain and Nirvana is actually very soothing to me even as an adult dealing with this stuff because I connect with his pain and rebellion even now. This Cat Power song relates to the fact I was being abused secretly and still got picked on yet still want to please everyone and even wanted my bullies to like me and extended family who still snub and bully me me to let me in and they have no idea what I've been through. I was also taught by my Mom not to have a voice and to "be nice" to everyone and put their needs first and by my grandmother to come to take care of my Mom and sibling and come to these big parties where they ignored my abuse and abused me more. Its a good song!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFG6gGBiwNE

[gotbushels]

JNChell 

Young

We were so young when we thought that we knew how to love (do we? why? who are are emulating?)

Fought about anything, everything led to dysfunction (the SO's experience with a pwBPD)

But we just gotta own that  (taking responsibility for what's yours)

Don't let it go like this (we have a choice)

Maybe we can grow from this, yeah (what so many SOs want)

This Chainsmoker's song reminds me of the board discussion on "what is love". Being a few years out of the relationship, it also speak to the idea that many of us actually differ in our definitions of what love is.

[Learning2Thrive]

Young

We were so young when we thought that we knew how to love (do we? why? who are are emulating?)

Fought about anything, everything led to dysfunction (the SO's experience with a pwBPD)

Hey gotbushels, I think something went wrong. Which Chainsmokers song are you referring to? This one? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FM7MFYoylVs or another?

The Chainsmokers are awesome .  

L2T

[Feeling Better]

This song resonates a lot with me, I used to always blame myself for everything. Happily I now know that I do NOT cause others to react or behave the way that they do. Everyone chooses how they want to behave. I no longer take the blame 

https://youtu.be/L3wKzyIN1yk

It’s Rag’n’Bone Man ~ Human

[gotbushels]

Hey gotbushels, I think something went wrong. Which Chainsmokers song are you referring to?

The song title is Young.