Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
November 01, 2024, 10:36:03 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things we can't ignore
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
93
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: SO disengaging.  (Read 445 times)
conflicted55
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 61


« on: September 17, 2018, 02:42:06 AM »

My SO is disengaging. No loving txt msgs for the last few weeks. States we see each other all the time... .that she needs space. States that I use the word partner too much and that even though we are partners I should not turn up unannounced at her place. Up until recently we both stayed at hers 99% of the time. She has withdrawn physical affection and intimacy. Does this mean there is someone else or is this a normal process for someone with BPD whom is struggling?

Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Coastered
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 98


« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2018, 05:44:09 AM »

It is very normal with someone with BPD.  Its a push pull dynamic.  The more we want a relationship or affection the more they will run away.

If we settle for that and give up then they will probably reverse and try and engage.  It confuses the hell out of you and can, at times, drive you insane.

How do you know your partner has BPD?
Logged
conflicted55
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 61


« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2018, 05:55:38 AM »

I don't for sure know but it certainly explains the confusing, contradictory behaviour.

Have had the push/pull dynamic before but this time it certainly is much colder.
Logged
pearlsw
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2801


"Be kind whenever possible, it is always possible"


« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2018, 06:18:40 AM »

Hi conflicted55,

She didn't officially end things, just started acting differently? Do you get together at all now?

Have you had a chance to read up on the lessons to the right of the board or is this all pretty new?

It can be hard to wrap your head around someone's changing behavior when they once seemed to love you so much.  I know how much it hurts!  

warmly, pearl.
Logged

Walk on a rainbow trail, walk on a trail of song, and all about you will be beauty. There is a way out of every dark mist, over a rainbow trail. - Navajo Song
conflicted55
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 61


« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2018, 07:29:37 PM »

We get together but if I did not arrange it I don't think it would happen. However, it is more like friends. no intimacy and little to none affection unless initiated by me. Txts in the morning have stopped. Hardly any during the day and a brief goodnight txt at night. Always seems to be me ringing SO.

She has said that she does not want the relationship but in the same sentence will contradict that and it is usually if we have had words or she is stressed or both. it is like she splits me black and then withdraws but then after she has processed her emotions (her words)... .she then seems to split me white again.

When I challenged her on the lack of intimacy a few weeks ago (as this is new behaviour), I said that I thought when one partner was not wanting to be intimate ... .this could be due to another person on the scene. She later stated she was thinking of finishing with me and it would not be right to have sex with me then the next day finish with me.

I am bewildered.

Logged
pearlsw
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2801


"Be kind whenever possible, it is always possible"


« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2018, 02:13:22 AM »

Hi conflicted55,

Yes, this does sound like she is disengaging. By winding down the physical intimacy she could be building in the distance she needs to be able to end things. It sounds like she is a bit conflicted about the relationship.

Have you asked if you can talk about her conflicted feelings regarding the relationship?

I had a relationship with a non that ended this way. I noticed his behavior changing, he'd always been a bit conflicted about being with someone from a different background and culture from his own. We talked about it many times, over a few years, and it was just irreconcilable for him. It was painful and sad, we got along so well, never a conflict between us ever in about 4 years or so, but pleasing his family was really important for him. We remained friends and I still think the world of him. I am so grateful for the peaceful and loving way we brought things to a close. We talked and cried a lot over it, we made our hard choices about our futures, we lived with them. Gosh, I respect him even more when I look back now!

What do you think her conflicted feelings might be about?

wishing you the best, pearl.
Logged

Walk on a rainbow trail, walk on a trail of song, and all about you will be beauty. There is a way out of every dark mist, over a rainbow trail. - Navajo Song
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!