so it´s court next week.. only 2.5 years later..

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

and yes it´s only regarding the apartment...

the home of my kids... i say

it´s strange coming here from time to time ... .reading your story´s.
But i can´t seem to put mine in words.

Seem´s like i could when i was in some kind of histeria and posting here regularly.

wanting to fix something that isn´t mine to fix... .well... .and can´t be fixed actually.

but i am still here... .
belive it or not... .i really am!

and first time in court next week... .will be interesting ... .i guess.

[Bushido]

and yes it´s only regarding the apartment...

the home of my kids... i say

it´s strange coming here from time to time ... .reading your story´s.
But i can´t seem to put mine in words.

Seem´s like i could when i was in some kind of histeria and posting here regularly.

wanting to fix something that isn´t mine to fix... .well... .and can´t be fixed actually.

but i am still here... .
belive it or not... .i really am!

and first time in court next week... .will be interesting ... .i guess.

[Mutt]

and yes it´s only regarding the apartment...

the home of my kids... i say

Can you expand on that?

Have you been to court before? Are you nervous? Do you an L?

[Bushido]

Can you expand on that?

Have you been to court before? Are you nervous? Do you an L?

no never been to court... and yes... .i have a L.
Nervous... .no i don´t think so... i´ve been doing this for so long...
i know these people work... .have heard enough through the years.

but this "case" is just to destroy what was... .i was never suppose to be in the possision to buy her out
of the appartment.  if i did... .then in her mind... .i had "WON".

same black and white thinking as always.

when i was in a possision to buy her out ( took more then a year to work my ass of from the ruins she left me in)
she just said "NO!"

now she wanted more!

so there begins the L season...

and now it´s court...   so ... .

[Bushido]

the kids?

well... .we have 4 kids ... D13, D10, S9 and D9

D10 and D9 are with her and live 900 km away ( yeah she found a new supply there i guess)

But they both want to come home... .
... .mom just says "NO"

not so much thinking about behalf of the kids .

nothing new there... .it´s just a game... .and a crocodile only works on it´s own survival.
me... .me... .me ... .me!

children are just tools!
and suffer as such.

so ... this week ... .we will see how this system works... .enough have i done the past 2 years.

i just ignore her now... .i did what i could... .but nothing works !

she´s just a victim... .as always... .i´m just DONE!

what next... .we´ll see.

[ForeverDad]

So... .what can we help with?  When mother says "NO" thinking she is The Authority then the alternative is to seek the Higher Authority... .family court.

Is court just about the apartment?  Or is it about the kids? 

Frankly, an apartment, a house, a condo, a beachfront palace, whatever, those are just places.  Home is where you live and raise your kids.  Doesn't matter where or how nice or how humble as long as you and the kids have a place.  Yes, divorce threw a wrench in your hopes and past efforts, but you have to pick up the pieces and move forward.

So two of the kids are with you and two with her?  That's a bit strange.  How did that happen?  Even though two aren't with you, do you get to see them periodically?  How about the long school breaks or between school years?

[livednlearned]

It sounds like you two still own the apartment together?

If going to court is about getting the judge to allow you to take possession of the apartment, make sure you put things in place that allow you to proceed whether she cooperates or not! At least, as much as you can.

For example, say you get the house refinanced and need her signatures. Specify how many days she has from receipt of notice to sign those papers, and what will happen if she doesn't sign on time. It could be that you decide in advance that she will have to pay your legal fees if you have to return to court. And that you can deduct those legal fees from other sources.

In other words, anticipate that she will stonewall whatever the judge says, and think ahead to what you/your lawyer believe is reasonable when she doesn't comply, and what you will then do.

Our order should have six steps describing exactly what happens when someone does not follow the order. That way we can keep moving ahead without going back to court to figure out what those next six steps should be.

[Bushido]

yeah... well ... .if i loose the apartment then all bets are of...
not there is anything that points to it ... .but who knows.
yes ... this is a stange case from what i read here on the board.

i have been doing this for so long ... .i know nothing else.

i just have to wait for the judge to decide if the apartment will be mine or not.

it has taken me 2,5 years to get to this point...

this is and has been my life for so long... .i know nothing else.

this is one tough ___!

but i still stand.

next is family court i guess...

i can only take one step at a time.

[ForeverDad]

If the court rules against you and you can't buy her out then does that mean she will have to pay you to buy you out?

I'm thinking the court won't go so far as to order her to buy you out.  Courts often fail miserably at enforcing their own orders, unless the consequence details are otherwise spelled out clearly.  And that would leave you feeling stuck, unable to get her out of your life.

Another thought, if you did move out with the kids (she can't stop you from moving) then what would happen to the empty apartment?  Are you part-owner?  Would she be able to force you to continue paying its expenses, assuming you're doing that now?

As I wrote before, home is where you live, not a specific house, condo, apartment, hut, whatever.  Millions of kids move every year.  It's getting harder to find kids these days who haven't moved at least once.  It's not the end of the world.  Kids adjust.

[Bushido]

If the court rules against you and you can't buy her out then does that mean she will have to pay you to buy you out?

well ... .the court rules against the sum that she was suppose to get ... .as agreed one time.
but you know ... .appartment prices are up ... .so she want´s more!
you know ... .or just WIN! what ever ... .i don´t care.
i´m thinking about stability... .but as you know ... .these people just want to win ... .yeah ... same old.
and no... .she can´t pay me out...

she´s a crazy spender and has no money!
( not even going to talk about how much she spends on make up! )

[Bushido]

I'm thinking the court won't go so far as to order her to buy you out.  Courts often fail miserably at enforcing their own orders, unless the consequence details are otherwise spelled out clearly.  And that would leave you feeling stuck, unable to get her out of your life.

i am stuck!
i just want to move on with my life.

this is just a lawyers game now... .i´m done!

her lawyer costed more then the sum needed to reach the amount in the contact to pay her... .for the apartment.

but that´s not her problem ... since it was paid by the state.

she has no income ... .so ... .go figure

[Bushido]

Another thought, if you did move out with the kids (she can't stop you from moving) then what would happen to the empty apartment?  Are you part-owner?  Would she be able to force you to continue paying its expenses, assuming you're doing that now?

i have been since the day she moved out!
our finance has been horrible for 10 years or something ( duhh ... .wonder why )
NO wait... .i´m the BAD guy... .so it´s all my fault.
anyway... .
with the help of family... .i got everything back on track... .by myself!
and have been working my ... .off to do that.

yeah... .and moving ... .here ... .is just AWFUL ... .  there is a reason i just didn´t  sell to get her the hell out of my life!

i´m just numb now...

i have no idea what comes next...

[Bushido]

As I wrote before, home is where you live, not a specific house, condo, apartment, hut, whatever.  Millions of kids move every year.  It's getting harder to find kids these days who haven't moved at least once.  It's not the end of the world.  Kids adjust.

i know... .
but the kids living with her want to come home...
i just can´t talk about it!  cos she just gets ANGRY

endless games and powercontrol !

she´s even going to take my D13 to London for 3 days in november !
she wasn´t even able to go to a festival here in the city... .cos she was alone and to
scared to go out of the car and look for her friends!

[Bushido]

Having all the kids for the next 2 weeks does take my mind of things.

Scary how my D9 is to much like her mom tho...

[Bushido]

Court is in... .
The house must go an she gets half...

Yeah... What ever... .I just need to get out of this anyway... .Build my own life and not just make the best of the destruction she left behind.

[Bushido]

Next she's going for the kids... .
Yeah right... .Like thats ever going to happen.

This should be interesting... .

Her ego is on a rush sence she "won" in the house battle. I guess ive been knocked down again...
But as long as i still brethe... .I will get up again... .And keep on going.

[worriedStepmom]

Scary how my D9 is to much like her mom tho...

Is your daughter in therapy?  That might make it less likely that she ends up with BPD as well.

[Bushido]

Is your daughter in therapy?  That might make it less likely that she ends up with BPD as well.

no she´s not... but her doctor has sent her to a psychologist since she hasn´t gained weight in over
a year.
she lives with mom... .so i can´t do a thing... .yet!
but things are about to change ... .so we will see.

but still ... .it´s always hard to see this in her.